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From Hoyle Up-to-Date (1979 printing, p. 80)
Fifteen. For making the count fifteen, peg 2.
Pairs. For playing a card of the same rank as that just played by an opponent, peg 2.
The entire entry for the rules of cribbage uses the term. So, no, not regional.
Maybe Dan didn't learn from players who were *serious* about their cribbage.
Here's a constructive idea: TVW could contact the dominatrix and ask for monthly lessons in domming her husband, with the idea that after a year or so, after TVW builds up her toy collection and her skill set, they would stop paying the dominatrix. Though she should probably see what her husband thinks of the plan first.
Dan, as for an alternate meaning for santorum, how about "the insertion of a hind foot into an open mouthful of lube and fecal matter that is frequently the by-product of a National Republican Convention?"
2. Why no peeing in the morning? Whhhhhyyyyy?
This blog recommends that newbies try both the pee-ee and the pee-er position before deciding whether they can get into the whole idea.
I can't hold it until noon!
Oh, you guys and your water sports....
The first pee of the morning is more concentrated, which means more smelly and probably more unpleasant tasting too - probably not fantastic for watersports.
This is the attitude that allows people to feel good about underpaying people who work really hard and happen to love the work they do: that love should be enough. You don't need to sully such a pure motivation with filthy lucre. Meanwhile, some of us work our asses off (at careers for which we trained for the better part of a decade, living in abject poverty and often coming out in extreme student debt) only to stay just barely this side of the poverty line. But we're in a "noble" profession, so that's supposed to be enough satisfaction for me.
"Hey, she has sex (or does something sexual) for a living; that's not really work. And she enjoys it. And you are social acquaintances. Why should she still want to get paid? Doesn't that cheapen it somehow? " To borrow a Mr. Vennism: LMB.
Thanks for the teachers.
I know three jobs that require that you train for the better part of a decade : physician, science researcher and musician. Most people are quite down with science researchers and musicians being paid peanuts to do their jobs, but strangely physicians are not expected to be poor, even when they enjoy practicing medecine.
As for teachers, in my country it's expected that they hate doing their job, but still don't deserve being paid more.
Some people's pee doesn't smell after eating asparagus (non-producers) and some people can't detect the asparagus smell in pee (non-detectors). Probably genetics.
The Smithsonian has an article on it.
Good for you ! And don't think too much of the ochestra snobbing your teacher. Humans in groups are not nice, as a rule.
I don't know that there is a general attitude about the way that teachers from kindergarten through high school feel about their work, but I teach English at the university level. I'm very lucky to be employed full time, yet I still don't make quite enough to live on. But many PhDs here are only hired as adjunct faculty, that is, part-time, "contingent" faculty, with no job security from term to term, no benefits, and a pittance of a wage. They can be fired for any little trumped up offense or even for poor student evaluations--or the university can hire someone for a full-time, tenure-line position and the adjunct, who may have worked at the institution for upwards of 20 years, is summarily dismissed. It's disgraceful. And yet it's commonly understood that people go into academia out of love--love for their academic discipline and love for teaching. This is particularly true in the Humanities.
Which is all very well and good, and maybe even true, but it serves as a justification in the public mind for the poor treatment and low pay that college faculty receive. I don't think that most non-academics are even aware how poorly paid many faculty are. It's a profession held in great esteem, but very badly rewarded, and yet the majority public opinion is that we go into it for love alone, and that should be good enough for us.
Watching a news item tonite, my mind wondered off into a nice fantasy, as an item on Space Junk came up.
This is just occurring to me: if you turn around completely ("reverse cowgirl"), you should be able to reach down and grab his balls much more easily.
This is just occurring to me: if you turn around completely ("reverse cowgirl"), you should be able to reach down and grab his balls much more easily.
The theory as I understand it is that tenure is what makes it all worth it - the freedom to do the research you want and publish whatever results you find. Now that tenure-track positions are being severely cut, it's silly to imagine that someone is simply teaching for the love of it. It's just a job now, not a vocation.
That being said, I am surprised by Dan's advice not to try to rewire him at some point. This guy can't even get an erection without specific ball stimulation. She has already become frustrated by the situation (so has he) which is understandable, and will only grow as their sex life becomes more predictable. (it would be helpful to know if he was ever able to get erect without ball tugging or if this is merely a rut he got himself into).
My best advice would be to hold off on the frequency of ejaculation and try having sex in the morning while his testosterone is high after he has gone several days without ejaculating. Get him hard by ball stimulation then have him enter you hard, release his balls and practice him staying hard in you as long as he can. Don't hold a funeral for his cock if it goes soft. Try try again. Hopefully, eventually his endurance can improve and once he can get erect without ball grabbing, the mental block will go away.
Ms Erica - You have identified the salient point. Does anyone here think (unless, of course, like the Eltons in Emma, the two of them are so equal in the unpleasantness of their characters that they're much less ill-suited a couple than either deserves) the husband would ever want to be dominated by that LW? I'm guessing the marriage only survives because his kink gets him away from his wife every so often.
I'll allow that I'm biased here; LW's attitude is one that, in a different but similar field, has been a particular brick wall for me.
1) the Wal-Mart employee didn't go to school for many years, perhaps incurring huge student debt, to be able to qualify for that job.
2) the Wal-Mart employee's hours and duties are clearly defined and s/he clocks out at the end of a shift, getting (badly) paid for every hour of work s/he does.
3) the idea that the merely doing the job alone should be compensation enough is never applied to the Wal-Mart employee.
The point is not to pit one group of underpaid folks against another, each of them fighting for the title of "most taken advantage of;" I was just talking about the perception that loving one's job ought to be compensation enough for doing it.
What I meant was expert. And sound clear advice.
Must admit, this was one I had no idea how to be of any use with. You guys seem to have it covered.
I just meant to qualify my earlier statement, “the general public definitely do not know how poorly paid academics are.” I’m always surprised to learn how little academics are paid and I’m a member of the general public. But Wal-Mart stock clerks are members of the general public too and most of them would think academics are getting paid just fine. That doesn’t mean their pov trumps everyone else’s, it just means I don’t speak for the entire “general public.”
RE “3) the idea that the merely doing the job alone should be compensation enough is never applied to the Wal-Mart employee,” that’s an interesting one. Since they are getting paid even less one might think that love of the job would be expected to be even more of a factor. And that’s exactly the propaganda that Wal-Mart and similar organizations promote. “Our greeters are sociable retirees who like to hang around and talk to people and make a little money on the side while they’re at it.” “MacDonald’s is like a paid internship where young people learn responsibility and the expectations of a workplace.”
If it's the understandable annoyance at having to do a similar routine every time, well yes, but many couples end up stuck with a few things that work for them reliably. Finding a way to vary the routine which still works is something many people end up going through.
I don't quite get the resentment about conceiving either - there's absolutely nothing wrong with the turkey baster approach if it proves to be necessary.
So could there be deeper issues of resentment or lack of sexual satisfaction for her, which should be resolved before any children come along? If his sexual style is just offputting for her and she can't change her views, should they be together? Should they be monogamish? And so forth.
And if someone insisted I wear stockings every time I'd get really fed up, as they limit one's own sensation, and they often itch in a very unsexy way.
And God do I hate weddings. Brides and their mothers think nothing about spending thousands on flowers, but without almost a single exception they think it is fine to try to haggle the musicians down in price.
They will spend $150 to $250 on the bridal bouquet alone without even batting an eye, but the thought of paying a musician $250 for an hour of playing makes them blanch.
Even when you explain that they aren't just paying for that hour. They are paying for me to pack all my gear up in a car, drive to the venue, unpack the gear and set it up all before anyone arrives, play for the hour or two, wait till everyone leaves, repack the gear into the car, drive home and unpack again. That doesn't even include the extra hours I had to spend finding the sheet music for and learning some obscure piece of music you HAD to have played at your wedding that no one will ever ask me to play again.
So yes, $250 is a steal. And yes, that's why the first hour costs more, because I have to do all that regardless if you want me to play for 15 min or 4 hours.
And no, playing at your event for free isn't "good exposure". People die from exposure.
If Tony's gonna’ play, Tony's' gots to get paid.
Don't ever ask someone to do their job for free. If they feel it is worth it they will offer their services for free. I've donated my fee back to some charity organizations I've played fundraisers and events for when it is something I would have been willing to donate to in the first place, but I will never accept a gig if I am asked to do it for free from the start. It's disrespectful and means they don't really value what you provide.
You don't know how confused I am to see rail cars with the warning 'DO NOT HUMP' painted on them.
#47 "HUMP" is actually a railroad term, but it does sound kinda kinky.
#47 "HUMP" is actually a railroad term, but it does sound kinda kinky.
AC is also entirely correct that not only is the general public unaware of the compensation situation, they are entirely unsympathetic, and generally have only the vaguest (and most ridiculous) notions of what being a teacher at any level entails.
If your kink is in any way important to your sexual enjoyment and it ain't happening after the third fuck with a given sex partner, the last D should apply to said partner.
I'd be curious to hear other people's ideas on what are reasonable expectations of frequency when meeting a partner's desires for a kink you don't share? Or even a non-kinky sex act that you don't particularly enjoy, like (just for example) deep throating or rimming?
And if both partners have quirks, should the reciprocation be 100% equal, even if the kinkiness of the requests is not? I.e., if I deep throat my husband every third time even if I don't like to (actually I do, but that's irrelevant) then am I justified in asking for every third time peanut butter hogtying (not actually my thing, but also irrelevant)? Or do "lesser" kinks get more frequency than "greater" kinks?
How to make someone pissing in your mouth or you pissing in their mouth a sexy thing in ones head? Think I really have to leave that one alone.
Ugh. If I was that guy I'd watch out. He sounds VERY replaceable by this controlling woman. Something that will only get worse once there's a kid in the picture. Not to mention the likelihood that he would be taken to the cleaners. Her language is reminiscent of a narcissist.
Watch out dude!
Plus, the slogan of "roll up the rim to win" is all kinds of an awesome innuendo. For what it's worth, I am for sale for a lot less than 12.5B.
If your kink is by almost everyone's standards a huge drag (peanut butter hogtying counts, though more for the pb than the h), then either you find someone with an equally obscure kink and feel lucky to have found each other, or you accept that you get it less often, or some combination.
So it's best for the relationship if both people can find their way to enjoy the other person's kink enough to propose it.
So if A loves getting spanked, and B loves face-fucking A, then A should regularly propose the face-fucking, and B should regularly propose the spanking. Not easy to get to that point though.
I'd call D2 "defuse" rather than "downplay". Downplay sounds as if sex were some strategic competition to see which partner wins by imposing more on the other. Strange letter in that LW seems to present both sides of an activity with a considerably different level of involvement depending on whether one is giving or receiving as if both ends were roughly equivalent, and Mr Savage also declined to address that aspect.
@24 sissoucat: Thank you so much for your kind moral support! My flute professor emailed me from Europe. Bless her, while she, too, is quite disappointed in the snobby committee's decision, she and I are both proud of this past year's efforts. Frankly, I'm not sure I want to audition again next year for the orchestra sub list if there are inter-organizational problems. It can't be a good sign for any ensemble when a good number of talented and seasoned musicians is leaving en masse.
What I was talking about are the three Ds that Dan mentioned. You disclose the kink, you downplay it, but if by the third sexual "episode" your new partner has not indulged you or brought it up again, it's never going to happen, so you drop him/her if that kink is a crucial part of your personal sex life.
No judgement there towards the non-kinky or those who simply have other kinks than yours, since no one has an obligation to share your kinks. But if you are honest enough to divulge your kinks, you deserve an honest answer.
Unfortunately, too often, I've met people who assured me they wanted to explore my kinks (as I'm always willing to explore theirs as long as they're safe and sane), when in fact they had no intention whatsoever to do so. I waited, and waited, and waited some more (not wanting to PPP about the pee pee pee, so to speak). Then I got tired and asked them about it, and they admitted they'd just said that because they hoped that I would eventually forget about it. Apparently, they thought of themselves as such great persons that I would be willing to make a sacrifice for them even though they weren't even willing to make an effort for me - even if that effort was only being honest with me. So I dropped them, because they were fucking liars.
If they hadn't lied to me, we could have become occasional fuck buddies - my kinks have not taken over my whole sexuality. But they wanted to be more than fuck buddies, they wanted to be my BF, and they thought that lying was the best way to get there. Since, in my experience, a liar is and always will be a liar, out the door they went.
I am not ashamed of my kinks, I enjoy them, they are not going away (they've been a part of my sexuality since early adolescence), and I deserve to be with people who'll enjoy them with me. And my rule of thumb, from abundant experience, is that by the third fuck, you know if the other person is or isn't willing to go there with you.
So, to get back to my original point, I don't think the DDD rule is a good one.
Please note that this might not apply to people under 30, say, who might still find it difficult to accept or explore their kinks. But I'm almost 49 and I date guys around my age, give or take ten years. And if you haven't figured out by that age what you're into, what you might be into or what you're absolutely not into... you're just too much work for me. And you're not likely to be honest about it all.
As far as the frequency issue goes, as I said, it depends on the people involved. I don't see how you could set up a universal rule. But if someone only does it out of love or generosity, it can't be too much fun anyway.
As for the frequency thing, there are three factors: how often the person with the kink needs to do it to feel satisfied, how often the other person can do it without feeling put-upon, and how logistically difficult the kink is to pull off. Just as an example, I think that a person into just spanking might expect to do it at least every other time they have sex, while the person with the pie-in-the-face fetish is probably going to have to wait months between sessions. Different couples are going to come up with different frequencies, not least because different people have very different sex drives. I'm an at least once daily kind of girl, but I know some people who only want it twice a month. I imagine people like me probably come to very different frequency conclusions than people with lower libidos.
Take a look at written erotica with piss, porn sometimes only has the D/S stuff... There's a wide range of piss play including: mutual, D/S, humiliation, raunch, holding desperation Japanese omorashi, piss in mouth but spit out, drinking from the stream, drinking from the tap, wet clothes / self-pissing, just the feel of piss splashing without any D/S themes. Some guys like strong piss, others like it dilute. For drinking: drinkee likes beer? Pisser should drink beer. Like sweet? Pisser should tank up on diet soda, the sweeteners are excreted. Like raunch? Pisser should keep it strong, not too many liquids... If you're on prescription meds or other drugs they can be excreted and still "work" and ingested so be careful of drinking. If pisser is piss shy, beer is good -- builds volume and relaxes you. Very low risk of STIs, but not non-zero. Have fun!
do some basic vagina-tightening exercises if needed as it's not always his fault, do it doggy-style since he's shooting right into the cervix, and reach back with one hand while you do it and cup his balls.
If your gut tells you he has secret kinks, try asking to see his porn, or hear his fantasies. Make it clear that you are open to whatever -- if he senses that it would shock you to hear that he thinks about your sister while screwing you, or that a latex pony suit would really make him happy, or that sometimes he tries on your lingerie, then he won't tell you.
If your gut says he's vanilla and is happy with how often you have sex, try offering non-sexual favors, based on his "love language", not yours. Maybe you could learn to give great massages? or give him quiet time if he's an introvert?
Do you make it clear how much you love it when he does your kink? Moaning with appreciation, telling him how great it was? Show him that you want an opportunity to give back to him (via massage or whatever) when you're feeling so happy, and maybe that will help him access his own pleasure in giving you what you crave.
I don't think I realized how much I needed solitude, while I was in my marriage. Only now, do I see having time alone to reflect, etc- that it grounds me.
(1) It's a service profession, so it's not like you're actually giving away anything concrete. ("Free 2 U")
(2) It's a creative/ artistic profession. ("Exposure")
(3) What you provide is an inherent right, therefore you have no right to withhold it from anyone because of their inability to pay. ("Bleeding Marx")
(4) You love your job. ("Hardly Working")
(5) We're friends, so you shouldn't charge me like everyone else. ("Real Friends")
You become a connoisseur of this kind of bullshit in Austin, the bum capital of the world.
The answer to all of these is NO. If your friend offers to do something for free, it’s a very generous gift! If you want your friends to perform professional duties for you, you hire them, as the professionals they are. If you EXPECT your friends to perform professional duties for you but you don’t think they’re worth paying, you’re a terrible “friend.”
There is some risk to working through the book's exercises. There's a poignant review on Amazon, complaining that in the process of being honest with each other you may uncover real incompatibilities. But I found it helpful, myself.
Agreed that hopefully people go into a relationship self-aware enough to know their kinks, and how important they are to being happy. That's only half the equation, and they need their partner to meet them halfway. That's just not always reality, and people change.
The PPP approach is really hard to avoid once DDD hasn't worked, over and over again, in an LTR. Avoiding PPP is easier if the kinkier partner has an outlet somewhere else; a dominatrix if they're a sub, or another person if it's something more pedestrian they can get an ordinary person who is not their partner to meet.
If meeting a kink is so unimportant to a partner, they shouldn't mind when their partner gets that kink met somewhere else.
On the phone, when I first mentioned it during sexy talk, she thought my desire to pull her hair was a little weird. So I dropped it. But she wants to make me happy (and vice-versa, of course!). Now, six months later, she is enjoying the hair pulling -- and the holding down, throat clutching, and other little things that turn me on.
Lesson: Don't insist. Insisting is babyish (and, depending on the kink, might make you appear legitimately dangerous). Enjoy what you have. The closer you get, the more you're willing to please your partner.
Here's hoping for her being okay with making out with another woman in front of me by my birthday.
Shortcut: If she looks at one of your friends more often, tell him to play along and show her it can be cool ;)
Thus, it makes perfect sense to me that a dude would want/need to be touched also elsewhere than his penis during sex. I can recommend lady on top with a hand on the balls. But if she's tired of doing the fondling, have him penetrate from behind and do it himself.
Dan's advice is good. Stop stigmatizing the way the dude's dick works. If he did it to you ('why can't you come from my pounding my penis in your pussy over and over? we need to see a doctor about this.') we'd all kick him off a cliff.
And my comments in @15 & @16, humorous takes
on what I had said in @14, were still okay?
Happy Labor Day weekend everybody---I'm looking forward to reading and commenting again this upcoming week!
Had I known that live musicians were as inexpensive as 250$ an hour, I would have had musicians at my wedding.
Alas I knew none back then, so we had to hire an idiotic DJ for about 1000$.
But next time anybody in my family will have a huge feast (so, at my kid's coming of age, probably), we'll have live musicians, even if that bankrupts me. Recorded music, that's nothing near as fun.
I know a music teacher who is invited a lot to weddings. True he's got a lot of friends, but he tells me it's a heartache, since there's always hints that he'll play a little or a big something... and for no pay.
If it was, if it was buddy( nice buddy), men could never ever ever catch up with us. Our bodies and tits are used to incubate and feed the young..
Luckily, most Feminists are generous, kind hearted women who do not keep score..
And it was DON'T use morning piss..
PISS could start by asking his boyfriend what he enjoys about piss play. Maybe start small, piss on his foot in the shower and watch his eyes?
And I think THIRD should talk more to the couple about what everyone wants if he's nervous.
The last signoff was slightly irritating that it was not perplexed expert gamer.
Get over it and accept that you're a feminist. And probably look good in pink too. Move on.
"One of us. Gooble-gobble gooble-gobble"
That's for one musician at the ceremony for one hour. A band for the reception is going to run a lot more, but still worth it.
People spend $2000 on flowers at the ceremony and then get a DJ for the reception. Ask anyone if they remember the flowers at any wedding they have been to. Almost all people will not remember even the next day. But if you have a great band at the reception people will be talking about it for years.will be talking about it for years.