Comments
Please wait...
Comments are closed.
Commenting on this item is available only to members of the site. You can sign in here or create an account here.
Editors' Picks
is a proud member of the
media network
media network
All contents © Index Newspapers LLC
800 Maynard Ave S, Suite 200, Seattle, WA 98134
800 Maynard Ave S, Suite 200, Seattle, WA 98134
I think Dan's occasional challenge on the topic -- if the bf is pushing the gf for anal, tell him get pegged first or you won't consider it -- is a gotcha, though occasionally a useful one: for the men who like the idea because it's 'degrading' in their minds, it will just shut them down.
There is one potentially useful side, which I think BiDanFan pointed out: a guy who has had his own ass penetrated is more likely to understand the care and caution and gentleness needed. But you can learn all that from reading if you're not a careless jerk, or from your partner if they know about it -- it's not a necessity. And I suppose there's a danger that a guy might assume his partner's ass will act and react just like his did.
Well said. Male birth control is a vastly more difficult puzzle to solve. As for pharma companies, or companies in general, they are properly described as amoral rather than immoral or moral. They don't give a shit about anyone's issues one way or the other.
@125 - I just tried to re-read my own comment, and while the sentiment may be shared, I didn't write it clearly at all. Not enough coffee yet.
Well, the patriarchs would say that. And maybe what would some dumb Australian chick know anyway? That the next line. Thanks Finch.
But I know what I see and I see no
Birth control pills for men . You might see ignorance of biology, I might see conspiracy.
You bright sparks get a man on the moon or didn't you?
Talk to the Hand.
You are also welcome to join the company I described in my #108 post.
Hunter has already turned in his application.
I see no pregnant men, either (save one transman). Conspiracy, or biology? I mean, surely we can do a Junior scenario! If we can put a man on the moon, why not a baby in a man?
@118: I'm a woman. And indeed, I know feminists aren't responsible for preventing the development of a MBCP. I'm just disturbed by the number who say they would if they could.
Venn - I suppose everyone's taste is different. I don't think Hunter is intentionally cruel. I like his chosen name, I like that he likes people enough to choose it :)
https://xkcd.com/380/
I agree. And while some of his comments may seem intentionally provocative I don't think they come from a mean place, but rather witty sarcasm. I view Hunter's repeated rubbing in of some issues like feminism, see @134 for a good example, as mostly some sort of "conceptual continuity."
I'm guessing New York.
Maybe I'm a bit biased.
Taking it easy this week---broke off a fingernail just days before our flute choir concert, but should still be able to play on Monday.
Hey Grizelda; sorry to hear bout your finger nail, hope you up to concert on Monday .
To be a good sport, I shall provide a rather more apt compliment and, in memory of his original nemesis Ms Driasis (who would get it immediately) call Mr Hunter edgy.
Venn.
If you don't have a partner you can trust to be honest about birth control, you shouldn't be fucking them -- or fucking them without condoms -- in the first place.
Love is a battlefield. Keep the condom close.
Frankly, I've known men who I could absolutely trust to take a pill once a day and men who I probably couldn't. It depends on the person. Fortunately I am fine with hormonal birth control, but if I experienced the side effects some women do, having to daily ask "Did you remember to take your pill, honey?" might be a much better option.
Hun - I hope you get a chance to turn off your swimmers with a pill before you die. I'm glad you showed an interest in CMDs club, I think men should feel allowed to stick whatever they want in their butt and enjoy the heck out of it.
CMD - Right on, I agree that personal butt play in men makes it easier to understand a woman's view about consent and some ideas about penetration, plus there's some interesting wiring to take advantage of in men (prostate) that may be even more finicky than stroking the inside of pussy. Just - hygiene. Lil more than usual there.
https://dearbiphobe.wordpress.com/2015/0…
>> if I experienced the side effects some women do, having to daily ask "Did you remember to take your pill, honey?" might be a much better option. >>
One can hope for a three-month injectable version, rather than a daily pill, to cut down on the opportunities to nag.
At least for nine blessed months, I couldn't get pregnant,
cause of cause I already was.
And Hunter, you're only as geriatric as you feel.
Ms Phile - Someone agreeing with Mr Hunter's point of view might find #134 extraordinarily truthful, or extraordinarily clever, but sweet (as in particularly pleasant) is incomprehensible, and I'd expect him to take great exception to soothing when he was trying to be abrasive or at least snarky. I could have given that post a Reasonably Well Snarked. Obviously you must speak what you find, but if that is your standard of sweet and soothing I fear we have no vocabulary in common.
Hearing that Dom's do go check their mobile etc, sorta takes the shine off the whole shebang for me.
And stopping when the girl just about to reach orgasm? Pure sadism. I think this LW is a Dom, he just doesn't own it.
Most likely is A (bi rounding to straight)
Much less likely is B (straight who enjoys shattering boundaries)
There is also C (dominant female partner is forcing him)
Much more likely than B or C is D (gay pretending to be straight to attract gay/bi boundary shatterers)
I agree with you that "...he’s a gay [or bi] guy who pretends to be a straight guy..." would be an improvement over the phrase without the [or bi] inserted, but do not agree that Mr Savage said he thinks the ad placer is gay [You had to say that you think that he’s a Gay guy pretending to be straight.]. As A is bi, B is straight and C seems to carry a straight presumption if the forced aspect is genuine, that D is more likely than B or C simply says that Mr Savage thinks the ad-placer is more likely to be gay than to be straight, perfectly compatible with proportions of, say, 60% bi (A), 30% gay (D), 10% straight (B or C). Taking out the bi portions of D and C might produce a more accurate, say, 80/15/5 split (my numbers are not serious guesses; I'm just using them to illustrate the point), but a 2-to-3 favourite is still a favourite even if 1-to-4 would be more accurate odds.
There could perhaps be an interesting conversation to be had about the differences between gay-passing-as-straight and bi-passing-as-straight.
Of course. The Catholic Mass was all done in Latin, way back in my youth. But I vaguely remember I also learnt it, in class, with the nuns.
And no. I remember none of it.
Men seem much more freaked out about owning their SS attraction, than women do.
Obviously this add guy is into men. Like Dur. But calling himself straight? What a mind fuck.
@170 - Male heteronormativity (what makes straight men " much more freaked out about owning their SS attraction") is very strictly policed by straight women to whom they lose access at the whiff of anything remotely SS. Straight men, by contrast, generally find female sexual diversity attractive - ie, bisexuality is hot. That is why women are less freaked out about revealing or suggesting (or faking for the het boys) SS attraction.
re: Sergeant Hunter Lonely Hearts Club Band
Not a fan, just appreciation for good writing regardless whether I agree with the opinions expressed or not.
The birth has happened then?
Sounds like it. If so; tell , tell. Please.
And women pretending SS attractions? Again , to please or arouse men. That is not something I would believe. Even if men get off on it.
Women don't just live their lives with Mens needs/ desires/ turn ons- always the forefront of their minds. Do they?
This woman doesn't.
And Hell, , to lie about having a SS attraction, just for a man to get aroused. What sort of inauthenticity is that, towards one own centre.
And this was years and years before their hormones kicked in and they left my company for the hot twins two streets over...
Not apologizing for the spelling of centre.
Sunday morning here, last nights'
Vodka still causing haze to my mind.
So shoot me. You'd have to find me first.
As a derogatory remark.
Women don't say, oh pussy eater.
They may, just not as easily as males seem to use it. So, what's that about?
In other communities, straight or bi women regularly express their drooly-mouthed interest in male-on-male action to an extent that can be seen as offputting. Not just slashfic online communities, either: I have several female friends that have well-developed fantasies on the topic, and who bemoan the straightness of their male partners. Hell, I've heard men wish they were more flexible because they know their female partners find it so, so hot.
Women absolutely take part in gender-role policing, but the idea that that's the primary mechanism by which men are scared out of admitting bicuriousity or heteroflexibility is pretty laughable, especially in a country where gay men and boys are still regularly beaten up for it by other men and boys.
@174 & 175 - I very much assert that straight women engage in SS behavior in part for OS tittilation/attraction - this paper gives a nice rundown. Maybe this is a North American thing, or a generational thing, but your reaction made me (at first) react by wanting to ask, "what rock have you been hiding under?" :-)
@174 & 176 - yes, I absolutely assert that male 'freaked-out-ness' about any SS attraction is very strongly the result of the "one drop" rule. Many straight women will immediately reject a guy who exhibits even the slightest hint of SS attaction, because, like may gay men, there is a presumption the guy is merely a closet case in denial. The cultural message is pervasive, and yes, pre-pubescent boys (still in the eeew girls are yucky phase), are well attuned as they work out their male identities. So, nope, I don't think women care about or are threatened by Kinsey 5-6s (or may enjoy them objectifyingly, which seems dandy to me), but those are ruled out as potential partners already (and this fate awaits any 2-4's as well).
There's also a decent amount of evidence that men are not as fluid as women to begin with - even absent the culture. What I think this means is that there are probably few Kinsey 1-2 men, and those that exist almost certainly hide rather than reveal. There's no small amount of (male vs female originated) misogyny balled up in that reluctance to express non-macho (versus non-masculine) identity, but at least a non-insubstantial component is access to women (bi or straight).
I dunno, in my experience (in an admittedly liberal bubble) most men really don't care too much about other gay men. I'm not denying homophobia and hate crime violence aren't real and regular, but I think there are many men who would freak out a lot less if their straightness continued to be validated by partners who thought it was hot. Again, the dominant culture has zero issue (for the most part) with female bisexuality and even encourages or glorifies it. Just do a frequency analysis of hollywood, pop media and especially porn - and I mean porn going back a very long way. Lesbian porn was a thing as soon as there was camera technology to mass produce porn at all. The primary porn market has always been straight males (in terms of volume/size).
Though reading SL, has alarmed me. How women seem more than willing to bend and contort themselves to
Attract/ please/ keep men.
Feminism wasn't/ isn't about women lying to themselves.
Told myself it was because we had so many children, had no one else who could help me. Maybe that was the lie.
Never pretended any SS attractions, though. My SS attractions, in my fantasy life, only surfaced since he was long gone.
He does seem to be more in touch with penises and jizz than clit and pussy fluids. Questionable look on a straight guy. Is that your attraction? ... Maybe he's just demonstrating the possibility that WIST could be really creepy about fluids ...
I think that hiding something that you like is more understandable than pretending to like something you don't. Discreet can be savvy, as long as you're not hiding objectionable behaviors. Closeted is often annoying.
Re male bisexuality: In this particular community, I've seen bisexual male behavior mocked.. by men. I consider it to be the typical closeted homophobia. I don't think I've seen a woman mock a man for bisexuality, it's usually the opposite.
Lava - Sometimes people grow apart, it doesn't make what you had any less.
I am also a woman that would never ever ever play around with another woman just to titillate others because I am straight. Period. It's extremely frustrating that even the most enlightened of my partners have just somehow assumed that I'd be willing to go down on some chick's pussy just because I'm sex positive and that's what happy slutty girls do to make their men come. Sorry, but it's not happening. Ever.
@143 vennominon: Ouch--!! Sorry about your toenail! I read that fingernails grow back faster (4-6 months of healing) and toenails can take up to a year and a half to fully mend. Hope it doesn't hurt too much.
Philo @186 “I've seen bisexual male behavior mocked.. by men.”
Seriously, what’s the news? For various reasons men feel much more threatened by male homosexuality and ridicule is one way of coping with it.
While lesbians may sometimes viewed as “strong” gay men and trans women are “weak” and deserve to be laughed at.
As a part-time trans woman I can attest that usually I’m being accepted much easier by women as such. There is some sisterhood solidarity and willingness to advise and compliment. I think some of it may also come from a false sense of security, at least in my case, assuming I have no interest in having sex with them. I don’t take advantage of it in any way and do my best to be respectful and mind my own business when using women’s dressing rooms and restrooms, which is legal where I live.
You must be a gay porn connoisseur. Where do you find all the vintage stuff?
I’m glad you don’t cave to social pressure and make out with other women “just to titillate others.” That said, never say “never ever ever.” Things may change. Or not.
No, I'm pretty confident in never ever. There have been opportunities, and I haven't been able to go through with it. Women just don't turn me on, and if I'm not turned on, I can't play. Mental block or something, I guess. Some may view me as a bit of a hypocrite because I am attracted to transmen, but they're men, even if the bits don't exactly come standard. I suppose that it's attitude as much as appearance.
http://vintagemaleerotica.tumblr.com/
Well, so far, so good: I practiced my alto flute parts for Monday, sat back and enjoyed Some Like it Hot on DVD, and, after a GF burger, look forward to cold, leftover pizza for breakfast tomorrow. The Hotel del Coronado (a,k,a, "The Seminole-Ritz") sure brings back seaside memories!
Great movie that. Wasn't she just such a beautiful, fragile woman- Marilyn?
Wish I could see you play. The flute , such a beautiful instrument. That and the clarinet. Love their sounds. And the sax, piano, drums etc.
Love music. Love how it releases my feelings,as visual art does.
Not all music. Not all art.
Still enough, that I don't know how I'd exist without them keeping my experiences wide and full.
It's called her own sexuality.
I don't deny that there is a lot of misogyny based hatred by homophobic straights against SSers - but the population of women like you who will happily share (so long as they get to participate) is really small. And the threat of 'I won't be enough' frequently leads to DTMFA. So, I think a lot of men who would be otherwise willing to confess some SS attraction to their female partners - even if they had no desire to act on it - simply adopt the macho cover.
@184 - well, I doubt the misogyny is going to change any time soon, and I do know the slash fans are out there. Perhaps my perception is a generational thing as well and this is changing too.
@171: Male bisexuality is hot to a lot of us women. If only more men realised this. It’s male patriarchal roles that prevent men from being open about SS attraction. Worst possible thing a guy could do is be seen as “less manly” (see comment above).
@174: Yes, a lot of straight women pretend to fancy women, when they’re drunk, to impress their boyfriends. Which is a pretty shitty thing to do to the bi or gay woman they’re flirting with but have no intention of following through.
Yeah. Well maybe if every woman threw the cloak of Patriarchy off her shoulders, she might just find her sex again.
You think this epidemic of women drying up has NoThing to do with their men?
With the patterns of Patriarchy, so steadily put in place over many many many many etc etc etc Years?
Pull the other one.
Time for women to rise up and reclaim their juices back off their men, and the strictures of the Patriarchal Structure.
And I wish them all, good luck.
Ms Fez - (Ah, yes, the slash community - women treating SS men the way straight men treat women. I could let it go as FTWL if many of them weren't actively working to suppress real male SS expression; it's quite similar to Amanda Hess' response to the 50 Shades movie that she didn't want to see truthful representation of BDSM because that would destroy her fantasy about their fantasy.) Ms Erica has also posted here some thing along that line. I recall some of the details of her ideal bordella, and give her considerable credit for recognizing that it is just her own fantasy, and that real life might work rather differently. Do you know how well the fantasies of your friends and acquaintances hold up when the fantasy ever happens? is it perhps just something better off remaining a fantasy?
Ms Lava - I've always spelled it Centre, and consider that people who spell it the other way deserve never to go to Wimbledon.
Auntie @ right after, number 0 for some reason
Elaboration, part 1: I think my self-definition as a part-time trans woman stems mostly from the way I present myself to the outside world.
Most of the times I go by as an ordinary, fairly boring, and maybe-not-very-often-yet-still mildly suspicious. You know, your average guy. Then once a week or maybe every other week I go out, and also am indentified, as a woman. I’m doing wide varieties of activities as such, just as an ordinary woman would go about her life. It can be anywhere from shopping, meeting with friends, or even going to the bank to take care of business. I told them few years ago At home I often go around and sleep as a woman minus the annoying wig, which is too much even on cold days when I go out.
I don’t take hormones and no knives are involved. I use breasts forms though.
Growing up I was at times teased for acting feminine and also developed a shameful, confusing, top-secret attraction to dress up as a woman. I was still attracted to them though.
Nowadays I enjoy the freedom of toggling between the genders. And for those who look for definitions, I found that “bigender” and “non-binary gender” to be the best suiting for me. At least the way I interpret those two.
Some days I feel different on the gender bi-polar scale, and it also depends on what I’m doing. I always wear my boring man costume for work and I’m very likely to wear women’s underwear underneath. Not to get a hit, just a natural- or some may say unnatural- expression of my mixed identity. On off days I may go out in my female persona. It is a production but it’s worth it.
If I see two handsome chaps chatting each other up at a bar, I don't go up to them and request to see a show. I might close my eyes and let the show happen in my head, but how is that different than every other sexual being letting themselves get lost in a fantasy? And yet, as much as I may want to see it, I'd never request it, unlike many of the males that I've encountered in such scenarios, who seem to think it's their right to make demands of that sort. Women are still viewed very much as existing merely for men's pleasure, and slashers are maybe starting to push back at that a bit, but I don't see the scales ever tipping that quite far in our favour.
Or do you prefer 'she' when dressed as a lady? It seems that everybody prefers different pronouns these days...
Sangu- when I'm a he I'm a he, and when she I'm a she. All this "they" makes it too cumbersome for me.
What's a "giddy meltdown" anyway?
Shooting a 1/4 cup of jism into a woman or on her body or face? I think a lot of people would find that hot.
--more in touch with penises and jizz than clit and pussy fluids--
You got me wrong
I call them as I see them. I'm not sure about the markets you're asking about at all. I spend more on what I consider sexy male underwear, far more than lube.
And stop hiding the pigeon! Let him be who he wants, let him fly away... ...
(I might have... hugged him a little too hard...kinda smothered him a bit...)
ps. You can image search hippocampus brainbow if you miss it. I'm attached to my current avatar.
Venn - at least explained yourself better
High standards.
I do what I think works best, same as everyone. I like to post while inebriated though, so I guess it's nice to check.
These words, ie trans woman, start to lose their meaning , for me, if used to describe someone such as yourself- who is a cross dresser.
It's hard enough to take in all the variations of human sexuality that SL has thrown up for me.
Attract/ please/ keep men.
Yes, wanting to be an attention whore is one of the reasons for girls kissing. A lot like the reason for emo boys kissing. The difference between the two definitions is that men voted a warning definition to the top of the latter. Promising that the girls wouldn't be that impressed anyway, and those who dared would end up raped in a looney bin. I find men tend to be a little more vocally extreme in their defensiveness.
Being a Woman, now, that's hard. Especially a woman of mature years who no longer has any time or inclination to not live in Her truth. Not needing to attract attention.
But hey. We learn what we learn.
Oh, and if that’s your thing, have you ever tried to cross dress any of your lovers?
And now for “cross dressers”…
Lava and Philo- I know my stuff may sound confusing to outsiders, heck it took me many years to figure it out myself.
Ironically what helped me find my path was going through therapy and 12-steps, originally prescribed to arrest that “compulsive urge.”
Much of the way I define myself nowadays comes from the way I feel internally, regardless of how I present myself to the world. I don’t see it as a disorder, not anymore, but rather as a blessing. I’m embracing both genders and choose a spot in the spectrum as I see fit.
What you two are essentially saying goes something along the line of, “Hey, you’re faking it, this is not real, choose one of the other and go all the way with it.” I’ve heard it before from others, including trans women who got upset at me.
For me “real” is the way I live my life now. Please refrain from judgments and labels and check the two I provided earlier if you haven’t already.
“Transgenderism” has lots of shades; it’s not only strict male and strict female.
Philo was asking, “Could this be a kinda closeted stage of coming out as trans?” Things may evolve, though I don’t think I will go much further in physically transitioning to a woman then what I have already been through so far. But as I told Sangu the other day, never say “never ever ever.”
Hope that helps, feel free to ask additional questions. I talk about it in order to shed a light on a yet not so known phenomenon, and hopefully also be a voice to the many others who may be in a similar situation to mine.
And just so you know, Hunter was right. The younger generation is indeed so much more accommodating.
@215 You're right the younger generation is more accommodating: I've heard a few people describe very fluctuating gender identification like you're describing as part of their experience of being 'genderqueer', which is demographically an identification much more common in younger people, I believe.
There was one lad that I had a brief online flirtation with who seemed open to it, but that fizzled out, unfortunately. I am exceedingly envious of your friend. Dinner and a show, oh my...
Actually, I was concerned that you were not faking either one. I might feel differently at different times, but I am always me, with my own unique history and tendencies and capabilities. I hope you feel ok being you always. It's hard for me to imagine gendered moods except as a kink but whatever works.
As for “It's hard for me to imagine gendered moods except as a kink”- this case does not rest solely between the legs. What counts most, at least for me, is what goes on between the ears.
I don't think you are faking it. I was questioning you using the term trans woman to describe yourself.
Not sure where you feel being a woman, though. Do men and women feel different feelings?
Does putting on female clothing, make you feel different?
If you use no hormones and have had no surgery, then I do stay confused at where you actually feel like a woman. Cause it would still be male hormones in your body.
I don't know where I feel like a woman. And are my feelings any different to the feelings men have.
I'm meaning the range of human feeling. Are the sexes very different? Im not sure they are. Hard to find out the truth though..
And, like you, I hope nocutename is just busy.
I get and sympathize with many of the reasons for slashing, and the structural differences between MM by/for women and FF by/for men. But I have seen instances of slash authors trying to push real gay male fiction out of the market, and claiming that gay men have no business meddling in MM fiction, that the entire genre belongs to women.
And just that the majority of MM fiction is by and for women will carry problems anyway that don't pin to bad behaviour of any of the participants (which makes fixes much harder. Young people might not be so discerning as your set. My Positively Last Boyfriend spent most of his teens reading slash and manga, which provided a lot of work to undo what he picked up from it and took as realistic. And even for people who recognize that it's not a realistic depiction, there's the danger of its become idealistic, and slipping into a sentiment that gay men *should* be like that. Then we get back to it just being a question of getting enough power to turn "should* into an attempt at *must*. Perhaps we'll never find out.
Much as I consider straight-chasers a separate category of their own rather than combining them with gay men, I'd make a distinction between types of slash that are or are not drenched in eau de homophobia. Works that romanticize heterosexism and fetishize the closet don't get the easy FTWL. And it certainly escalates the ick factor in much the same way that lesbian-labeled material made by and for OS men does, if to a lesser degree.
and hey... to post 231... we have a part-time lesbian on SL...why not a part time transwoman? (no response needed... just smirking my way thru this weeks posts...)
But of course none of it is truly realistic, and yes, much of it is idealised, but that's just the romance genre, unfortunately. There are plenty of tropes in OS romance books that have caused all sorts of damage as well. And I will admit that there are plenty of folks out there reading this stuff that take it *far* too seriously. For me, it's mostly a stress reliever and a safe outlet to explore some of my own kinks.
It's also refreshing to see a bit more representation out there. These fanfic writers aren't necessarily sticking to SS or OS pairings. They're using the platform to expand on all sexualities and genders, and perhaps making it a bit easier for kids who are figuring themselves out that it's okay to be genderqueer, or asexual or what-have-you.
Chairman, a part time Lesbian? I'm sure our Bi contingent could point out to you how insane that comment is.
How uncomfortable it must be having their junk caught in pants. Tight pants, too, for Many of them.
I'd be wearing very different clothes, if I were a man.