Savage Love

Massive Cock Blocks

Comments

2
What about a diaphragm for the anti-hormonal girl? Isn't that just plastic or whatever?
3
Copper IUD for birth control, PAUSE. No hormones and they're extremely effective.
4
Diaphragms and cervical caps are nowhere near effective enough. Copper IUD or stick with oral, or find a new girlfriend who is living in reality. Seriously.
5
There are rhythm method apps that claim to be greater than 99% effective. http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archiv…
6
Well done, nocutename -- positioning (instead of the usual lame "first!") and formatting and all.

Wonder how long it would take one of the Tech-Savvy At-Risk Youth to do that automatically for us.
7
@1 noutename: Thank you and bless you for posting Dan's Savage Love for March 25th: Massive Cock Blocks! I really do appreciate being able to reread the letters if necessary before commenting. This helps me make a better comment, and less likely to miss important details from JAWDROP,'s PAUSE's, DOOD's, WILT's, and SL's letters.

WILT's girlfriend sounds like she grew up in a strongly GOP household, dreaming of someday becoming a celibate Disney princess--complete with Minnie Mouse ears and a big pink polka-dotted bow. If WILT's GF has "icky" issues (however, I, too, will make ONE exception with sex during menses. Long & short: although my then husband of 9 years didn't seem to mind, I lived in mortal fear of drowning him in a nightmarish "elevator doors spilling into the Overlook Hotel lobby" scenario that I just could not shake off) about body secretions during intercourse, was her sole source of sex education really abstinence-only education?
Excellent response to WILT, Dan.
WILT: Good lick.

Congrats, again, Dan, for smacking all 5 out of the park for another grand salami this week!

8
@7: Sorry for the misspelling! I meant nocutename (re @1).
9
JAWDROP doesn't say if he's interested in fucking that guy, but if he is, he might explore whether the girlfriend knows what STI risks he's exposing her to. In any case, there's nothing more boring than policing someone else's self-proclaimed identity, except perhaps the urge I get to police the policers.

Re PAUSE, didn't Dan just make the point in the daily column that PIV wasn't the only act that counts as sex? PAUSE doesn't say that he himself wants intercourse; maybe he loves blowjobs and would be happy with a regular routine of mutual handjobs and oral sex, with occasional penis-in-anal, pegging, and PIV-with-condoms for variety.
10
I like Dan's advice for DOOD, but wanted to add that he could at least try to use the D/s dynamic to get more of what he wants. Sure, some people claim "the submissive is always in charge," but most submissive types don't like to view it that way.

I recommend DOOD privately sign up for a few classes on domination, and privately read some books on BDSM. Find techniques that seem more up your alley than the way she has been directing you, and then let her know that the scenes are going to change from what she's used to getting.

Sit her down for a little lecture on how you want things to go. When you want vanilla sex, she's going to say the words you want her to say without nagging you to say the words she's hoping for. No more "steering" the activities you enjoy into the activities she enjoys. That's not to say that she will never get the stuff she likes; I'm sure you'll remember what she likes without her nagging and steering, and you can mix that in when she's being very good, as a treat.

The bottom line is that if she wants you to dom, then she has to let you run the fuck your way. If she wants to run the fuck, then she'll going to have to learn to dom or find someone who is more drawn to her way of doing things. Sounds like DOOD is halfway out the door. This is just meant as a possible approach to finding a middle ground. If you got all the vanilla sex and massages you wanted, DOOD, and she made you drinks when you got home from work and didn't argue about what show to watch on tv, then maybe you'd find it more appealing to give her a monthly spanking and sex-just-the-way-she-likes-it.
11
edit: ...sex-just-the-way-she-likes-it on a schedule of your choosing.
12
Oh, please.

I'll met Mr Alan and Mr Ophian decide what the rounders deserve. Any gay man that partial to crossed boundaries and upended identities merits the much more intense crossing and upending of emulating Clive Durham and turning straight. But gay men who pretend to be straight because they get more MM action that way - oh, dear. I would give such a man a Sartre Award in the company of a feminist who gets a promotion over a more qualified woman by deliberately wearing the tight sweaters she's heard her misogynist boss appreciating. (If anyone wants to refine that, feel free.) I have multiple possibilities in mind for their third.
13
Bother, *let*, not met, in the opening sentence.
14
This week? Interesting bunch of weirdos.

The gay guy would prefer to be pegged by his girl, if he were not gay.

The girl who celebrates Dan's involvement in her sex life - well, let's just say she would be able to sort out the rugger bugger if he turned out to be dull. That is it.
15
I thought most of the advice was pretty amazing.

I'd say the advice to WILT came out the wrong end though, "a fear of all bodily secretions". If WILT wants anal and sloppy blowjobs, he could spend a bit of time exploring her feelings about pegging, his desire for red wings, or straight up ask her if she's thought about anything sexy she'd like to try. He doesn't mention asking for any non vanilla desires of hers, just the lack of doing what he wants. And who knows how he rolled out what he wants.
16
Wow. I thought dan's response to pause was just dumb. I mean stupid. Really stoopid. Am I missing something?
17
Dood should tell the gf he is not a 24/7 dom. It seems like this is what she wants, and she should be honest about it. If that’s the case I suspect she can find one.

As for WILT- he never mentioned the gf’s reaction when he’s going down on her. We don’t even know if he’s doing to begin with. So if he doesn’t, he should set an example. And if he’s already in it then he should tell her that returning the favor is likely to be a very nice thing to do.
I would say he should also set the example when it comes to “dressing up for sex”…
18
And I so look forward to learn all about ickyphobia from our dear in-house scientists Philo and Finchie.
I thought I was extra smart when I came up with that term, but apparently it does exist!!!
19
"but only he knows for sure what's up with him." If only. If people really knew what was up with themselves, Dan would be out of a job.
20
@16, PAUSE asked what Dan would do, and Dan answered, as himself. Do you disagree with what Dan would probably do in that circumstance?
21
Ahh, so. I read it as flip. I just hope PAUSE wasn't sincerely looking for reasonable advice.
22
PAUSE: This is why permanent birth control should be more widely accessible for both men and women. In the meantime, I'd give the same advice as I would to someone whose male partner "didn't like condoms": DTMFA.

DOOD: If you "recently" started dating her and already it's all about her kinks, don't expect it to be about what you want any time soon. She's viewing kink as the norm; if you'd prefer kink to be something you do occasionally to spice things up, she's not the girl for you.

Dan: Just because WILT didn't include his girlfriend's vaginal fluids in his list of examples of fluids that squick her out doesn't mean it isn't there. Quite a few women are squicked by their own pussy juice, I doubt WILT's girlfriend isn't among them.
26
I agree with Ms Erica, and probably would have commended Mr Savage myself if I'd noticed that letter last night. Given the importance of sexuality in SL questions, PAUSE got exactly the answer any straight person (or bi person with a straight-passing question) who asks "What Would You Do?" deserves.

I also agree with Ms Fan, and almost wonder at not having seen any BC polling recently.
27
Mr Hunter - Why wouldn't that be all the more reason for multi-gendered BC?
28
@19: "but only he knows for sure what's up with him." If only. If people really knew what was up with themselves, Dan would be out of a job.

Win!
29
DOOD and WILT are mirror images and the problem is, if not incompatibility, lack of complimentarity. As someone who's dabbled in being a dom, I can appreciate the...ennui?...whatever, that happens when it stops being about having fun and starts being work...turns out conception sex gets like this too...who knew! So, the question is...how do you combat boredom when you're doing stuff that doesn't really excite you? Work on figuring out what does excite you and then insist to your partner that those things are incorporated into your play...if they can't be, DTMFA.

I think Dan nailed this with DOOD, but not WILT. WILT's S.O. isn't being squeamish so much as just making up excuses to passive-aggressively say no to things she doesn't really like or want to do. If WILT persists in this relationship - if, $deity forbid, they marry - he can be almost guaranteed to not even get anal or oral at all, not even begrudgingly.

DOOD has slightly better odds - he can turn the things he likes into things he "orders her to do", knowing full well that she's more than willing, and therefore it really is mutual not unwilling submission. If you want mutual 69, then order that. If you want a backrub, order her to give you one, and then order her to roll over and be still so you can give her one; just add an inexpensive set of cuffs or some inexpensive soft poly rope for "bondage" massage. However, DOOD is the same as WILT's so: the reluctant but not psyched partner, and if the ordering bit really is a boner killer for him, then he should DTMFA, because eventually she's going to sense his reluctance and take it personally - feel sexually rejected, and the adverse feedback death spiral of resentment will begin.
30
Oh, and @JAWDROP: I'd bet he's heteroflexible more than bi, and really is all about the anal play - this is much more about 'situational sexual behavior' than real orientation: the number of women into pegging is vanishingly small, particularly compared with the flood of gay dudes who, like most men, are more open to casual hookups than women, and also have a fantasy/fetish for converting straight boys.
31
I should be PAUSing to think before hitting post.. +1 to the Cu IUD advice for PAUSE, although honestly, she sounds like a girl who might be into pregnancy risk, and unless you're into maybe the consequences of that, run like the wind.
33
@32: Look up RISUG. Future's coming.
34
The letter from JAWDROP - along w/Dan's response - reminds me of several porn sites like seancody.com which are filled w/men who call themselves straight but love to get fucked, and in certain cases you can tell it's not just GFP. Then there's me, an openly gay guy who would rather die than get fucked. So figure that one out! I think the only reachable conclusion, glib as it is, is everyone's different when it comes to what they like & how they identify themselves.
37
The adventurous sex was within *you*, all along!
38
Pregnancy risk adding spice to het sex? I'm sure you're right that this is a thing, but talk about A Fetish Too Far. I'd rather someone fucked a dog while shitting on my chest.
39
What's up with the not-so-helpful no-hormones-no-condoms birth control advice? This happened on the podcast ages ago, too. Copper IUD is a good, if expensive, option. Diaphragms work very well, too, if used properly. (Meaning WITH SPERMICIDE, inserted
properly around the cervix no more than a half hour before sex and left in for 6 hours afterward.) He can be the one to apply spermicide and insert the diaphragm if he would like in order to be sure it's definitely in there correctly, which he can't do with the iud. We certainly had no unplanned pregnancies while using ours, and i get pregnant easily.
40
PAUSE: while the rhythm method and Natural Family Planning (NFP) have some serious drawbacks as it's pretty inflexible on how it treats a fairly high variability system, some tuning to get you into the realm of Fertility Awareness Method (FAM) can get you into the high 90s for . If you are otherwise fluid bonded, having her take her temperature and check her cervical fluid and position can pretty easily highlight the 5-7 days per month of peak fertility where you should abstain from PIV or use another form of protection.

I use the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility (http://amzn.com/0060881909) in conjunction with a phone app called Fertility Friend to track my cycle - we were on the baby making side of things, but there are instructions for pregnancy prevention methodologies and as we are on a pause before trying again/more, we have continued to use tracking + condom during peak fertility and I'm not worried about getting pregnant. We will also likely continue this after the next pregnancy and avoid hormones as my system is pretty clear about my fertile times. Then again, We have been together for nearly a decade and another kid would be welcome, even if the timing is not ideal...

SfR - I'm sensitive to spermicide and the reaction is no bueno... very like a yeast infection. Itchy itchy! Glad your system is friendlier with it.
42
DOOD - I could've written your letter with my ex-girlfriend. She was a relentless and annoying "sub". Kind of a paradox...if you ask me. I tried very hard to satisfy her. Literally. I could give her 10 or 12 orgasms over the course of an hour or two... all the while, saving my own from happening so that i would still be interested in domming her. Then, i would finally let myself cum...and lay on the bed totally spent.... and she would be harassing me for more attention within minutes. I actually had to snap at her a couple times, because she ignored my direct requests for rest. IF your dynamic is ANYTHING like mine was, i think you are doomed. I tried to discuss the selfish nature of our sexual relationship with her (all without using the word selfish at all..because i didnt want the conversation to turn into a discussion about my choice or words... haha...)... she would say she understood, but next time we were being sexual, she was right back at it.... this time saying things like "oh, wait, you don't want me to touch you after sex. Ill just go get my vibrator....thats what you want, right?". I came to realize she was a bit too insane once highly aroused. Until i dated her, i did not think it was possible for me to be the less horny partner... I moved on. She proved too selfish in all things, not just sex.
43
The second letter writer's girlfriend needs to get a Paragard, a great non-hormonal IUD on the market.
44
Chairman @42
"...and she would be harassing me for more attention within minutes"
Well said
45
It seems fair to require at least one vanilla sexual encounter per kink-indulgence, if one of you has an effort-intensive kink and the other doesn't.
46
Wayne@34
Not very common, but there's still the possibility of straight dudes who like it up their ass who can't have it at home for some reason and opt for available gay men. Some other het males can't get bj's and may also opt to being "serviced" by gay men.
Yes, it is indeed interesting how everyone is different.
47
Dan - your advice to PAUSE was lame. Really? how about this as a response:

Sounds like you & your girlfriend need to learn more about birth control. She needs to find a health care provider that is knowledgeable and can explain what her options are. But PAUSE this is perfect timing to educate yourself on what's out there, the pro's and con's of each. Birth control is something both partners need to know and communicate about. I'm going to assume that the two of you are younger and maybe unsure on where to begin. There are numerous resources on the web, at schools and the local Planned Parenthood.
49
who likes condoms?
50
@ 47 - Dan was asked what HE would do, and he answered. What's lame about that?
51
Nobody likes condoms
One of the greatest benefits for a woman saying goodbye to her childbearing years.. She also says goodbye to her sex partner having to
Use them
52
The letter about the selfish BDSMer reminds me of this new guy I was recently dating...God I liked him so much. And liking him the way I did, I tried to encourage him to dominate me like I like. And the sex was great for a while... but one night he had a sort of freak-out and broke up with me. I found out later that that kind of sex messes with his head. I wish he had TOLD me that he didn't like dominating me. I liked him so much I would have been happy doing anything with him; unlike DOOD's girlfriend, I'm "game" for vanilla sex as well. So, I'm thinking DOOD should just explain himself to her. Give her a glimpse of what's going on in his head. Give her a chance to make it right. She SHOULD care that he's not having a good time... and if she doesn't, may I suggest DOOD find someone who appreciates his efforts.
53
@47 because its shitty advice, that's why. Duh. Don't pretend semantics are an excuse to be an ass.
54
Sorry, meant @50Ricardo...shitty advice...etc.
55
@48, there are a lot of women who can't tolerate the pill, which means they probably can't do hormonal birth control, so Depo, the patch, and the Nuvaring are out. So PAUSE's girl should get a diaphragm, get a Paragard IUD (the nonhormonal kind), or get a tubal. Or if PAUSE is sure he never ever wants kids, he can get snipped.

As for you, WILT, yeah, dressing up and talking dirty are silly, but there's nothing wrong with being silly during sex. And that's what you should tell your girlfriend. Talk to her. Tell her you'd like to be more adventurous. And I find it interesting that there are guys who would like to have sex when their partners are, shall we say, in the hut. A lot of guys are squicked out by the blood.
56
The sponge is great.
57
To me, a polyisoprene-covered dick (latex... shudder) feels like actual skin, but I'm a chick.
58
"My girlfriend can't use hormonal birth control and "doesn't like" condoms but wants sex. What would you do?"

RUN!

If she doesn't like condoms and her doctor told her there is a medical reason why hormonal birth control is not an option, her immediate follow-up question should have been, "So, what birth control can I use?" The fact that she did not ask that question (hence the letter) makes me think what she doesn't like about condoms is that they enable PAUSE to not knock her up.

+1 to copper IUD, but +2 to the most effective birth control method of not sticking your dick in women who are at best flaky and at worst setting you up when it comes to birth control.
59
@ 53 - Dan wasn't being an ass, he was being his usual snarky self. If you write to him, that means you probably read his column and you should know that, so its imperative that you formulate your question accordingly. Duh.

60
"and this is a lot likelier than straight or forced bi—he's a gay guy who pretends to be a straight guy online"
Answers like this is why people continue to call Dan Savage biphobic, his answer up to that point was great, but he couldn't resist the suggestion that any male that wants any type of sex with another man is actually gay, and goes out of his way to say that.
61
DOOD, as you see, you're not the only reluctant Dom out there. In my experience, bottoms are far more common than tops, and they all seem to be a bit selfish. My wife and I are both bottoms who can occasionally top. What you need to understand is that the typical bottom just wants a little domination--wants someone else to take charge. The cool thing about wearing the Dom hood is that you can pretty much get anything you want from your submissive partner, the trick is--unlike vanilla sex--you DON'T ask for it. You demand it: calmly and directly. You want a back rub, give you sub a command: "Woman, take off your clothes, grab that bottle of lotion, and give me a thorough rub down." Worried she'll lose the mood? Tell her your genitals are off limits until everything else is done first. Then tell her to rub your ass, your balls, your shaft. Want 69? Tie her down, supine, go down on her and put your cock in or near her mouth and tell her to polish it with her tongue and throat. Or start out sitting on her face, telling her to lick your ass, your balls, and your cock and then, once she's busy blowing you, go down on her. It's not rocket science, DOOD, but you do need to use your imagination and put on your most commanding demeanor. My wife and I have been doing this shit--trading places on who gets to be on bottom--for thirteen years. I'm still madly in love with my wife, and sex never gets old for us.
62
I'm with Richardo on this one. Ask Dan what he would do, Dan will tell you what he would do.
Ask Dan what his advice is, then that's what you'll get.
63
I've done it again.
Ricardo
Think it's because I know a Richardo here, in down town Sunshine Coast.
65
To continue along the line with Mr Ricardo and Ms Lava, one particular way Mr Savage's response may prove to have been to the point is that perhaps he will receive fewer letters framing definitively OS questions as WWYD. We don't see the mailbag; it could have become quite a widespread practice.

It reminds me of a novel of Keith Hale's in which the gay teen protagonist received a History class WWYD question about a situation confronting the Kennedy administration; the first answer that came to his mind was, "get a divorce".
66
@23: Should boys also be taught in sex ed class that they can offer their asses as an alternative? Boys have asses, too, remember. And prostates, which makes anal stimulation more pleasurable for them than it is for women.

@25: Oh, I agree 100% that sex without condoms feels better. It’s just that until you’re tested and either monogamous or fluid-bonded with one person you know you can trust, you still have to use those condoms. If someone whines about “I don’t like them” early in a relationship, I know they’ll never be that person I can trust to not use them.

Completely agree that PAUSE’s girlfriend basically just wants a baby. Run, PAUSE!

@51: Condoms don’t prevent just pregnancy, as you know… older people can get STD’s!

@60: Don’t think Dan was biphobic this time, he mentioned bisexuality straightaway and only later did he offer the possibility that the guy is gay. Covered all bases.
67
Fan@66; not this older person.
No STD's invited in.
68
Venn; @65. Sounds like a smart kid.
Where would we all be now, if Jackie had given Jack the flick, instead of turning a blind eye to his sexual shenanigans. And Marilyn might have lived a lot longer.
69
@67: Not you, obviously! But this could be why STD's are on the rise among older people. They have stopped worrying about pregnancy so they don't bother with condoms.
70
Ms Fan - #66 seems right on the spot all around. If, however, you are responding to Mr Hunter, I fear that your not addressing #32 could lead to his taking silence as an endorsement, especially as all the women here have let that one fly thus far.
72
@70: What about #32, the assertion that a male Pill would lead to more STD's? Because men would say to women, "No need for a condom, I'm on the Pill"? I'm sure some would try to get away with that sort of thing, probably the guys who already try to get away with that sort of thing. But the women who currently use condoms to prevent disease AND birth control to prevent pregnancy wouldn't let them get away with it.

Or did you mean the comment "I respect a woman's right to hijack a man's cum for her own uses"? I don't actually understand what Hunter means by that, so I have no response.
73
@ 63 - Don't worry about it.
74
@ 65 - "one particular way Mr Savage's response may prove to have been to the point is that perhaps he will receive fewer letters framing definitively OS questions as WWYD"

Exactly what I thought.
75
@71: "Boys don't need the advice, because they don't have the monthly issue"? Oh OK, so girls are supposed to subject themselves to pain so guys won't have to wait a few precious days for their next penis-in-orifice gratification? (Sure, many women enjoy anal sex, but what with abstinence education and porn there doesn't need to be any more pressure on teenage girls to engage in what's essentially an advanced sexual activity, requiring far more expertise and patience than most teenage boys would be capable of. And the women who do enjoy anal sex have had no problem discovering this without the guidance of sex ed.)

I think that boys definitely need to be advised that anal sex is not for everyone, and if they're so keen to try it, they should open their minds to trying it from the other end too.
76
@5: "There are rhythm method apps that claim to be greater than 99% effective."

It's a shame the FDA doesn't properly regulate apps as medical advice so those claims can be shot down :(
77
@76 ha. Agreed. Do you know what they call people who use the rhythm method of birth control? Parents.
78
WHY WHY WHY do you consistently fail to recommend the humble DIAPHRAGM, Dan? It's a non-hormonal barrier method that is simple to use and affordable (about $50 even without insurance coverage and can be used for 2 years). For fluid-bonded couples, it's an easy choice, and one that I wish you would consider recommending in a relationship like PAUSE has.
79
@23: Obviously you are not familiar with the period dumps. For many ladies, the menstrual cycle is accompanied by frequent bowel movements (thanks, hormones!). Not exactly the optimal time for anal.
80
Even though I love Dan, I was disappointed with his advice to PAUSE; it was a little flippant. As others have said, there's the copper IUD, which is 99% effective! There are also newer models of diaphragms - like Lea's Shield - that have a little loop that makes them easier to remove. Here's a good site on non-hormonal birth control: http://www.boulderwomenshealth.org/our-s…

Come on, Dan - you could have at least mentioned these options after your funny reply.
81
Absolutely do not trust a woman who is so resistant to condoms with the rhythm method. And even then unless you have been successfully monogamous for several years (and she equally successful) you still probably don't want to stick it in that uncovered.
82
Venn@70 re Hunter@32;
I'm pretty sure most women know the male scientists are in cahoots.
And why hasn't a male pill been developed? Because as we all know- better to fuck around with women's bodies.
So Hunter just saying it as it is.
83
@72; Fan; I once heard that sperm is good for the skin. This was told me way back, but hey, could be myriad uses. Just not coming to me at this moment.
84
Dan playing his cards straight, re the woman who has closed down using the pill or condoms, just got him out of a pickle.
He knew he'd cop shit from this mob, but guess he also knew the women would do the work for him.
85
@70@32 Venn- I thought Hun was teasing Eud a little there.. Fan seemed to find it too ridiculous to respond too. I think that's a good response.

A better response to WILT would be nice though. He has a girlfriend who only enjoys vanilla sex. Just making fun of her feelings as childish doesn't hide the fact that she's way more marketable than he. He has no leverage to push for more than vanilla, except that she likes him... but pushing for sex favors makes people like you less. If you want more than vanilla, you've gotta offer more.
86
I do agree with the general idea that it's harder to convince a woman to consent to sex than a man. I think OS sex has a much larger chance of feeling bad or unsatisfying for women, with today's cultural norms, so we're pickier.

I would have liked to see more about disclose, downplay, drop. Disclose a thing for anal, swallowing or spitty or whatever kind of blowjobs this guy wants to upgrade to, and bloody sex. He could also offer that he's ok getting pegged, or red wings, or face sitting sloppiness, demonstrate enjoying her menses, and offer other evidence that he has similar standards for them both. Most importantly he should keep doing the things they have found they both like without complaint for a few weeks or month. If she's not coming around, consider it her deal breakers and choose accordingly.

This is about how I treat guys before I get the standard sexist accusations.
89
Hun -You seem to think about semen and penises a lot, but find menses smelly. So I could believe that you'd rather wear a white mask than brown or red. I wouldn't assume you'd recommend something you haven't tried, of course.
91
Of course Hunter@90, that's what you would say.
Obviously I meant, fuck around with the reproductive parts of women's bodies.
The bits inside that let babies be made. Way away from the pretty parts.

" Our bodies ourselves. "
Funny , the day before International Women's day, I found this old bible from the 70s, in a second hand bookshop.
Those times, they held such promise.
92
Ms Lava/Ms Fan - I was referring to spermjacking, which the more excitable MRA types would turn into the Eighth Deadly Sin if they could. [Note to Ms Phile - if you really stick with that designation, I'll have to start calling him Attila.] For every instance of a woman impregnating herself via a stolen used condom, there must be at least a hundred (perhaps closer to a thousand) YouTube videos making the hysterical claim that No Woman Is Safe because All Women Are Like That.

Ms Lava - Do you seriously think Big Pharma has an agenda other than Dollars, Dollars, Delicious Dollars? Male BC would sell remarkably well to MGTOWs (perhaps except to those who would rather have the grievance than lose the grounds for it), though not to PUAs, who would be sure to think the effort excessive.
93
@92; yes. Yes I do.
The deep belief that because women are the one's who get pregnant, then hey, let them carry the can.
Otherwise, why? Why no contraceptive pill for men? Gotta be a concoction of medicines that kill off sperm, from the inside.
95
Hunter@94; Drain cleaner, there you go.
Of course. Can't have the men interfering with their reproductive systems.
97
Hunter, Not looking at sexier here. Looking at who is carrying bulk of responsibility for avoiding pregnancy.
Oh look. Could it be? Yes, think it might.
Picking up the tab, are the Women.
99
Hunter; how to change the subject.
Anyway. My case rests.
100
BiDanFan- re anal sex and sex ed:
I think that making boys/men being on the receiving end of anal sex, or at least offering them a toy to do it on their own (“here’s your homework for today kido”) is actually a good idea, one that will make us better understand what it means to be penetrated and how to move in a way that accommodates our partners.
I am not sure though about your statement that men enjoy anal sex more than women because of the different plumbing system, and wonder where you got it from. For me personally the physical sensation is almost nonexistent in this regard, while the mental one can be a huge one when done right with the right woman. But I may be fairly twisted to begin with.
102
Lava- don't rest your case just yet as you do have a point. My ex would ask me on occasion to help her insert the diaphragm to better understand what it takes. She also said that much of this anti-abortion stuff is there to keep women under control.
We may have other disagreements, but I still agree with her on those issues.
103
Hunter78 @101
Yes it is, don't you worry.
105
Ms Lava - Why no male BC? I say it's due to a bizarre coalition between those men who do exactly the way you describe (and there are too many of them, that I readily grant) and those women who either (a la Attila) would only suspect that a man claiming to be on MBC was a liar just trying to trick them into getting pregnant, or who think that women and only women are entitled to reproductive agency - a brief I could argue for sufficiently high daily refreshers.

You are, of course, familiar with the ending of Emma, and how Emma and Mr Knightley are able to marry not because Mr Woodhouse's nervous system (which fuels his universal opposition to matrimony) miraculously improves, but because of its operation in another direction. Mrs Weston's being robbed of all her turkeys makes Mr Woodhouse fear housebreakers, so that, the sooner Emma marries and Mr Knightley comes to live at Hartfield, the better.

I am prepared to believe the heads of Big Pharma to be quite as evil as you may consider them. I just think they're far too greedy to be willing to sacrifice massive profit for a social agenda, however much they may like the agenda. The people dominating most of the governments restraining BP seem to fit my coalition well enough.
108
Hunter- the idea is gaining popularity and we are always looking for new promoters to work with schools, youth organizations, and also churches.
On top of a fixed salary and full medical benefits each sales person gets a hefty bonus for every pegged kid in their district.
We also run fun events geared towards the younger crowd, like rave parties, where we have beautiful women walking around with a strap on.
Applications are still accepted as we conduct interviews on every second and fourth Monday of the month. We look forward to see you soon.
109
What massive profit, Venn? You think men would voluntarily
take a birth control pill?



110
Mr Hunter - You're not using your imagination. Just suppose, to use two members of the assembled company, that Mr Rhone were contemplating an open relationship with Mr Ophian in which it would be presumed that Mr O would be indulging in the occasional bit of OS, but didn't want to find himself in the same position as today's LW of the SLLotD. (I'm sure Mr R could trust Mr O, but he might not be willing to extend his trust to an unknown woman whose specious charms might blind Mr O temporarily to her being a scheming hussy, able to break condoms with a single twitch.)
111
Ms Lava - You think they wouldn't?

Seriously, though, I've listened to dozens of videos while doing paper/computer work this year alone posted by men obsessed by fear of being tricked into child support payments, who almost all claim that the reason there's no MBCP yet is that feminists are blocking it. It's a very entertaining glimpse of Cloudcuckooland, especially as they've no idea they've gone doolally. As I said earlier, I'll grant you that PUAs wouldn't take them, but a good many men would. And Big Pharma would be bound to come up with some clever campaign to convince both halves of OS couples to go on the appropriate pill.
112
Break condoms with a single twitch Venn? That's some twitch this hussy has got together.
113
Venn- Throw some erection enhancer of some sort into the MBCP and it will fly off the shelf.
I propose naming it CTB, Crank The Blank
114
@75 Applause!!! I am one of those women who loves anal sex, and there are too many things wrong with the idea to even choose one to start with.

@70 -- SIlence really doesn't mean assent. Hunter is often really obviously trolling (no news there), and I, at least, don't always have the desire to respond to him for the good of the audience. Luckily, in this case, someone else took that on.

@100 The fact that men's prostates are a source of potential sexual pleasure and often are stimulated by receiving anal sex is pretty common knowledge. Sex toys are often marketed as being for 'p-spot stimulation' for instance. Of course like all sexual pleasure, it varies by the body (and mind) of the person involved. Some guys find prostate stimulation just a pleasant addition to penis stimulation, for instance, not really compelling on its own; just as women may have more or less interest in g-spot versus clit stimulation.
115
@111: "...who almost all claim that the reason there's no MBCP yet is that feminists are blocking it. It's a very entertaining glimpse of Cloudcuckooland..."

To be fair, every time PP or something makes a Facebook post about research on Vasalgel or the male pill, hundreds of angry shrews flood the comments with disturbing comments about why such a thing shouldn't be allowed to exist.

The classics include...

"We can't trust a man to take it!" (No one said you had to!)

"Men won't take it!" (So why do you care either way?)

"My body, my choice!" (For some reason, this does not apply to men.)

When a chorus of harpies is willing to say, "I don't think men should have options regarding their own reproductive health," is it any wonder MRAs attribute the lack of a male pill to a feminist war on men?
116
BiDanFan @66:
Boys have asses, too, remember. And prostates, which makes anal stimulation more pleasurable for them than it is for women.

Being anally penetrated can be pleasurable, but I hate prostate stimulation. The only sensation I get from that is the unpleasant feeling that I have to pee and/or poop.
118
M? Gui - Yes; I've seen the feminist anti-side in action. They are definitely part of the inadvertent coalition. Their participation is just inflated and represented as the only or overwhelmingly dominant reason.

***

Mr Hunter - However tempting it is to frame this as a WWYD, I shall refrain. At least I gave you one which, if a bit highly strung, more or less holds up. You want another? Maybe it will inadvertently help with weight control as a desirable side effect. Otherwise, it could be sheer altruism. Or perhaps it's all part of a deep and devious plot to reduce the number of children born to OS couples.
119
@Venn Note to Ms Phile - if you really stick with that designation, I'll have to start calling him Attila.
Hun goes back and forth between sweet as honey and aggressively self centered barbarian Hun. It's not nearly as weird to me as the women who talk shit about women your posts seem to draw (Gui)... yes, women can be shitty. So can men.
That said, when Hun is weird about little girls I call him Attila too.

Re mbcp: The supply/demand argument makes sense to me. I think the male demand is low for some reason. Not sure why; Hun hit the best point that it doesn't make condoms obsolete but I would think men would still appreciate the option to control their fertility. Women's pills don't make the condom obsolete either. I don't think men tend to fear fatherhood the same way women fear motherhood effects.. wild guess. I've been hearing shit about a male pill for a decade I think but it could be technical glitches too. Read something about hormone treatments failing for certain men for unknown reasons.
121
@93: Birth control for men has been under development for years. One method is close to completion, the problem with this method is that it requires injections into the scrotum, which, you can imagine men not queuing up for that unless they REALLY didn't want kids.

If it were sexism at play here, then why is it so much easier for men to get a sterilisation than women? Anatomy is the answer here. Women release one egg per month that must be stopped, while men release millions of sperm per ejaculation. Got to be a tougher problem to solve.

@109: I think many men would voluntarily take a birth control pill. Why wouldn’t they? Unplanned pregnancies are something most men really, really want to avoid, and some women can’t take hormonal birth control. For men in relationships where disease isn't an issue (but unwanted parenthood is), I see no reason why men wouldn't take a pill. Obviously for casual sex it's not a solution, but a guy might still take an in-case-the-condom-breaks pill.
122
re: MBCP. Dear $deity...get a clue folks...

First, the assertion that this is merely an evil conspiracy by the patriarchy dominated "Big Pharma" betrays a complete ignorance of biology - specifically reproductive biology. We have a female pill largely as an (happy) accident of our reproductive biology: women crank out gametes very sparingly, and in a way which is clearly driven by a hormonal cycle. Men crank out gametes more or less continuously, in response to no particular hormonal cycle. Biologists have been looking for a male pill since the female pill was first discovered. Science just isn't good enough. Not only would many men like to make sure they aren't generating progeny, it would doubtless be profitable.

It is a happy accident that the easy one was the female pill, because it put the power in the hands of the people who bear the brunt of the burden of child-having. If you were a patriarchal conspiracy believer, you'd keep the control out of the hands of women and only give it to men - as the "crazy feminists" on facebook seem to recognize!.

Further: rest assured that just as many men are quite happy to get vasectomies - a permannet and invasive procudure! - plenty of men would happily take a pill - particularly one that was reversible like the female hormonal BC pill - probably many more than are willing to get a vasectomy.

In other words, the basic science doesn't support this idiotic consipracy-theorizeing, and in fact, even by the metric of plausible conspiracy logic, the conspiracy fails. Yes, biology is unfair: men can't carry babies. Yes, if men could get pregnant and be stuck carrying babies, the world would no doubt be a less sexist and more egalitarian place.
123
@BiDanFan: if they're so keen to try it, they should open their minds to trying it from the other end too.

This is a pretty warped perspective if you ask me. Sex education should teach that the decision to do anal or any other sex act should be based on both parties' willingness to do it, not on some misguided political agenda. Period.

A woman's enjoyment of pegging places her under no obligation to take a dick in her ass. A man's enjoyment of blow jobs doesn't obligate him to suck any dicks. And both are free to like what they like, and ask for what they like, regardless of whether they are willing to switch things up. No one, least of all sex educators, should be shaming young men based on these childish notions of fairness and equality.

Besides, if a woman find anal painful and unpleasant, that's not going to change simply because her boyfriend agrees to let her peg him.