@PRESSING AGAINST US ON LIGHT RAIL. Holy shit. If this had been a guy rubbing against a woman the police would have been called. The way you tell it is almost quaint. WTF?! What's with the double standard?

Rolling eyes @ 2. A pretty girl rubbing up against an unsuspecting guy? Yeah, that's a real 911 emergency. Someone call Penthouse Letters, stat!

it all depends on the rigidness of the nipples.
were they hard and bulbous? if it was only the soft, cushy tissue forming the body of the breasts, then one cannot complain. @2, what if it were a man pressing his hardened penis into your lower back?

@3 - Dear 911, I never thought it could happen to me, but boy was I wrong.

Rejected "I Saw You" reports:

FUCKING A DEAD SQUIRREL IN MAPLE LEAF

THOSE ARE BIG PANTS, MR. BAKER GUY

HONKEYS GONNA HONK

THIS GUY'S HAT, THO

FUCK A DUCK?

@3 & 4: I think you missed my point about there being a double standard for reporting this sort of activity. A point which the two of you beautifully illustrated.

I'm thinking the "Steely Dan makes me want to slash my throat" guy said that precisely BECAUSE he looks like a Central Casting "Dan fan".

This is my favorite writing in The Stranger in years. Hope you keep writing these.

@7 ...and you beautifully illustrated the sad, delusional world of a Men's Rights Activist. Not All Men, you say? Best of luck with that, Studly.

Wait -- when did hating on Steely Dan become a thing to do? And why?

Next you'll be telling me that Gordon Lightfoot sux. Pshaw -- as if!

@1 - "if this had been a guy rubbing against a woman the police would have been called"
You seriously think the police get called every time a guy rubs against or gropes on a woman on the subway? Wrong. That's so common that it's barely worth writing about (except for occasional articles in the femisphere bemoaning how common this is ... for example: http://feministing.com/2015/11/24/the-gr… ) . It's just the fact that a woman is doing it here that makes this a sort of "man bites dog" story.