Disappearing Christmas tree on the Nordstrom awning. The Stranger

Comments

1
"I feel like it's one week too early for Santa parties."

He isn't wrong
2
"a group of roughly 10 dark-haired young ladies between the ages of 8 and 13, all wearing party dresses. ... It was then we realized that the bouncer outside had not been joking when he asked us if we were there for the bar mitzvah"

It sounds more like a bah mitzvah, (the girl version of a bar mitzvah), since no mention of young gentlemen were noted in the article. And, it should be noted, young people know what Vinyl records are. Perhaps you are the culturally sheltered one.
3
I love this column

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