Cock Soup: Mmmmm, delicious. On sale at Pike Place Market! The Stranger

TWO GUYS AT PIKE PLACE

We were in the tiny but terrific El Mercado Latino shop in Pike Place Market when we heard you two giggling. You were in the spice aisle, kitty-corner from the Great Wall of Hot Sauces, and you were super cute, possibly boyfriends. We couldn't figure out what you were laughing and whispering about. After you left—and after we'd ordered a hot, delicious beef empanada to go (get the beef, it's the tastiest)—we walked over to where you had been standing to investigate. Ahhhhhh! COCK SOUP. Okay, that is pretty funny. Who doesn't want to eat a big bowl of dicks?

THORNTON PLACE TUSKEN RAIDER

Even in the dork-swarm that filled the lobby of the Regal Cinemas at Thornton Place, near the Northgate Mall, for the premiere of Star Wars: The Force Awakens, your sexy sand-person cosplay stood out like a lightsaber in the darkest vault on Bespin.

INSTAGRAMMING ABS AT THE GYM

We saw you, at the gym, standing in front of a mirror, holding up your shirt, checking out your own abs for a five full minutes. Then you took a picture of your abs, which you appeared to upload to Instagram. We're not going to make assumptions about you—about you being shallow or vain because you're hot, for example, or you being dim because you're a jock and a gym rat—because, hey, for all we know, curing cancer is your day job. And, hey, we're all at the gym, right? We're all vain, even if we're not all as hot as you. And dismissing you as shallow or vain is just jealousy masquerading as contempt. Still, the next time you want to take a picture of your abs and upload it to Instagram... don't look up, realize you're being checked out by at least five other guys, and then act all huffy about being objectified by others the same way—and at the same time—you are objectifying yourself.

DISCLOCATING DANCER AT WESTLAKE

You had bleached-blond hair with a blue stripe in it. You were in sneakers and sweats, all the better to make your sweet moves. One of your moves looked like you'd lost all control of your joints as you flopped flat onto the ground. Another of your moves involved dislocating your shoulder and pulling your arms into places arms don't usually go, freaking out the passersby. At one point, you used the lamppost behind you to contort yourself into still more impossible-looking positions. An older woman wearing fleece and using a walker ambled by. Her fleece was teal. Her expression was astonishment. She apologized for not putting any money in your bucket, but she could not stop looking at you, even as she slowly, slowly, slowly made her way across the plaza. She kept turning around to have another look at you, pointing and saying, "Good moves! Good moves!"

BALLARD SMOKE SHOP COLORS

You're the friendly bartender at the Ballard Smoke Shop who was chatting up everyone as they came in for after-work drinks on a Wednesday. Behind you, one of your coworkers was laying out Christmas decorations, organized by color. As she climbed a ladder to attach a gold star to the ceiling, you made a clear drink for a customer who asked for a lemon. You added yellow straws and said, "Look at that color scheme. It's a work of art."

NEVER CHANGE, RE-BAR

Waiting for the Dina Martina Christmas Show to start at Re-bar, you turned to your friend and said, "Think about how much this city has changed." And then, looking around Re-bar's wonderfully divey interior, you quickly added, "Well, this place hasn't changed." recommended