As this issue of The Stranger was being finalized for the printer, Seattle was experiencing record warmth. According to the National Weather Service, March 19 was the "warmest March day on record," since they started keeping track in 1894. You heard that right: the warmest March day ever recorded in Seattle! Fantasies of extra-warm spring days started to dance through the minds of certain Stranger editors. Group texts were started about lakes and beaches. Words started being bandied about, words like "Yakima River" and "floating coolers." Guys! (And by "guys" we mean "everyone.") Guys! We need not to get carried away, okay? The surest way for us to get fucked by the weather gods is for any one of you to start making jokes like "I could really get used to this climate-change thing." Stop saying that! Cool it on the group texts! Lower your goddamn expectations!!! We need to think dim, dark, depressing, gray, friendless, thunderous, ice-storm thoughts. Think snow angels, blizzards, and bomb cyclones. Fixate on how June is so cold around here that locals call it Juneuary. Only when you think warm days are coming do they not come. This is science. Your cooperation is appreciated.