Johnny Sampson

"Something in the Regrets Issue really bothered me to the core," read a recent letter to the editor. "Please don't joke about putting a Q-tip up a cat's butt. Your readers are often high and may think this is a good idea to try. That is animal cruelty." While it is true that readers of The Stranger (much like the creators of The Stranger) are often high, it is not true that we mentioned Q-tips going into cat butts. However, we did publish a horrified, tongue-in-cheek regret about Nathalie Graham's aunt, who is a veterinarian, telling Ms. Graham, during Thanksgiving dinner (!), that she could have put a Q-tip in her cat's vagina when it was in heat (owing to a mix-up about whether it had been spayed), and Ms. Graham later regretting "that she has learned this information, that she will never be able to unlearn it, and that she did not bring any relief to her horny cat in its time of need." To be clear, that last part is a joke, born of Ms. Graham's horror of her aunt's choice of dinner conversation. Do not put Q-tips in your cat. Ever. No matter how high you are.