Jessixa and Aaron Bagley


Tao Lin's writing always comes off as strange to me. And yes I have a choad.
It is a little off the wall, but I like it.
This entertained me in so many ways. The Herzog reference made me laugh out loud, in fact. And I felt exactly that way about the Mariners when I was young. Blue?! That's just crazy. And who picks a seafarin' name for a baseball team? I have since given up baseball.
"I had the feeling I could look out the window and see the rest of the city, from a "bird's-eye view," though this was not true, there was not an elevated area that I knew of where I could do that like I might from the Empire State Building."

Try something called The Space Needle- elevated, windows, view of city.
Once I saw Sherman Alexie in a teriyaki restaurant in madison park, you could get coffee there. Now i live in walla walla and the existential and atmospheric differences of the two places is tangible. I learned about Tao Lin from a blog and his wikipedia page. Academia has crippled (adopted) him, in a way that his world is now completely inseparable from people like 'editors' and 'copywriters' and things like 'obscure literary journal subscriptions'. He is funny, but he is wrong about the library. it is nice, but it is not the ineffable center of seattle. the ineffable center of seattle is the woodland park zoo, or ezell's chicken or something like that. maybe five years ago it was paseo in freemont, it is not now, it might have been then. what i am trying to say is that it would have been a food restaurant.
i have never been to new york, and i dont want to go.

I have taken acid at the woodland park zoo with some friends.

there isnt a lot of helvetica there, but there are a lot of elderly people with their grandchildren who won't appreciate it if you show up in an orange jump-suit and whisper "boo" in their ears after they think you've passed behind them.

they also frown on public sex. generally. I'm sure there are some people at the woodland park zoo who are fine with public sex.

this project here is fraught with peril. it's very perilous. It flirts with saying very dangerous things.

but ill still chew on it.
I enjoy standing at the North entrance to Bellevue Square holding a sign that says "No Thanks, I'm good!"
I can't believe there wasn't a single mention of the robots from outer space.
miss me with the choads!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I love reading "Jack Handy". Wisdom in every sentence.
Kinda dumb.
really dumb....a pathetic attempt at wit...
The irrelevant area referred to is Lake Washington, the other side is the "Eastside" or Bellevue, Redmond, Kirkland etc. I have to drive over this irrelevancy every day to get to work, sometimes it is filled with cars that move at a stop and go pace while I curse at them spilling my Starbucks latte on my Northface jacket.
best. review. ever.
If only the review had covered some of the odd superiority that people get when they live in one half of Seattle and commute 2 hours each way to get to the place that is exactly like the other side they just came from. The only differences in this whole area are the name of the bartender, the size of the store where you buy imported junk, and whether or not you can actually get a taxi...
"I" "read" "this" "article"
If you're interested in normal/arts/business - come to chicago...NO scenery or anything outdoor to do however...
It's true, everyone in Seattle does have a choad.

Not only that, but around christmas time Sherman Alexie starts mugging people to buy christmas presents.
This came across as a ridiculous exercise of self proclaimed boasting for a city that doesnt deserve it.
Seattle is: a climate of anti-social man children(i.e. most adults here act like scorned children). People here cannot dress, drive,bathe, speak coherently as an adult, loose their marriages over video games and porn and praise the "green" way of living while they cant even pick the trash off the street.
There are far better town to live in Boston, Chicago, New York and so forth.
Sorry folks I tell it like it is as I have felt onslaught of gray not only in the weather but the general attitude and backwardness of this town. Perhaps if I was under a medicated haze I could espouse the drivel and untruths that lie here on this page!
Where is the part where we capture how totally and ridiculous chill everyone is in Seattle? I've travelled all the eff over the US and abroad and Seattle BY FAR except for possibly some parts of Spain has the most utterly chill unhurried people I've ever met. They're great. I would someday like to meet a pretty Seattle girl with wavy hair and who likes to read to me while I casually take like two hours to make us some coffee. It's actually like that there.
O...M...G. I now know what it looks like to watch Tao Lin whack off for 18 interminable, inscrutable, self-indulgent piece of shit paragraphs which have nothing to do with Seattle, Brooklyn, or worthy thought in any form.
Well done, Stranger, and Tao-OW-FuckTHatHurtNoNeverAgain...Jesus! You've successfully solidified pointless. Fuck Off, and keep spraying your man cheese all over your keyboard, but keep it to yourself, for god's sake, Puhleeeeeze.
I just moved from Brazil, Sao Paulo, and I do feel that a lot of my lifestyle there was very similar to what I get here in Seattle. That means I am not a typical Brazilian or at least what you would (maybe) expect, but truth being said, I can relate to the article quite a lot. The crazyest random and senseless things happened to me when I first moved here with no harm done whatsoever, just laughs, which made me love this city even more.
this was an insult to seattle, a huge one, that hit the nail on the head, and the commenters seem to (not realize that). ssshhhhhhh....
are you sure you're not in Nilbog, Bret(supposedly from gillette)?
Not bad, however, you forget about the people who drifted here from Eastern Wa or the Peninsula after high school. We cavort, drink, laugh, fuck, make witticisms, sculpt, compose music and physical threaten the home-grown girly men that try to get cute when we need that burger or 6th cocktail.
Some of the Seattle 'sons' are crippled from having neurotic, overbearing hippie mothers who made them feel guilty for grabbing the girls hair during the blowjob. This extended recession/depression ought to cull some of them.
Seattle is a sewer overflowing with liberal dipshits and homeless assholes. The architecture (if you can call it that) stinks, the streets are totally fucked up, the air unclean, taxes way high, coffee overrated, and dumb fucks with dogs litter what's left of the landscape. Best of all thousands of fags think they've died and gone to heaven because they can tell their friends they live "in the city".
Whoever said it might be right; Tao Lin just called us all a bunch of dipshits.

Or, that is actually how he speaks & thinks, even when ordering a Subway sandwich. Those Mexicans weren't too amused when he pointed out the irony of their relatives picking the same jalapenos that he had them put on his 6" Veggie Patty. I think the word "pendejo" was used multiple times.

Bellevue & the Eastside are NOT the other side of Seattle.
Seattle is full of assholes, who enjoy being assholes and raise asshole children to be just like them. Fuck Seattle. It is a waste of life.
I like seattle. I like Tao lin. I like this article.
Oh man where to start haha;) I liked so many of your comments. I am from areas around Seattle born and raised. I absolutely hate it here! People are rude, fat, cant drive, slow at customer service, hippy stoner lazys. I agree with Joeaverage all the way. Ive traveled enough to know people are way nicer almost anywhere but here. Not to mention the only time its good weather is 2 maybe 3 months out of the year. The people are disgusting, medicated dickwads. Been trying to move for 7 years its like a fkn prison here. Help!! Lol Btw im a hot single girl that cant get a date cause the men are pussy faggots. And no opportunities for work unless its serving dumb tasteless coffee. Lmao
I lived in Seattle for over half a decade and I think its common at first to fall in love with the place. There is so much to do at first especially if your single and looking to explore your surroundings. Pike Place, Freemont, walking around UW and the U district. However sooner or later depending on if your looking to date or not, your social life eventually catches you with you: you have none. At first, yes up front people there are infact nice and polite. However when you try break the ice, you come off as pushy when your trying to make an effort. If you have anything other than an "it will get done eventually attitude" and dont let things work out themselves when and if it does than be prepared to spend a long time alone. Its easy to get involved in activities that only require you, its no wonder Seattle folk often get tied into looking at Barnacles or reading, you think Starbucks is a great place to meet someone? Let me know how you get that persona out of their own world in the books or Ipod to talk to you. Over all if your not a free loving, anti social, hippe or child of a hippe,a bizarre intellect who hates tobacco but loves weed then your not going to do well here. Seattlites are very Xenophobic, for decades they have been fighting to keep Seattle looking and feeling the way it did in the 70s. I also agree with hostile beauty, men there are pussies they dont know anything about socializing and women there are always on guard and dont like being approached, they often think if you as a man are talking to them that means you want to be their boyfriend. Read the Seattle Times Article about the Seattle Freeze, Seattle is one of the worst places to get a social life. I think its cute to see so many people myself at one point had this rosy view of seattle from afar, well I like many others thought this too and have left seattle and looking back, it disappointing experience
The Stranger makes authors inexplicably write "nastier" than they would in other cities. Still funny, tho.
Your writing is beautiful & hilarious & i am going to look you up and buy your bear poetry.
I have lived and spent a lot of time in NYC, There, things are happening all around you. The weather can be harsh at times, but the great majority of the year, it is sunny and dry and it is flat as a pancake.
In Seattle, the individual has to make things happen. It is hard to explain how huge that is, and how the cold damp weather affects everything here. The hilly terrain also makes things different, and because of that and lack of planning years ago, we have no public transportation other than buses - waiting in the cold and damp.
Seattle is a very hard working city, sometimes to the expense of having fun, but again, it's the cold and damp. But it can be exquisitely beautiful and I have met tons of great people here. But here, it's all about making things happen for your life because it's not going to come to you. I also believe that there is much creativity here born of depression and emotional difficulties.
Nice how the two biggest Seattle haters in this comment thread also deem it acceptable to call people "faggots."
So there are no women in Seattle. Because everyone has a "choad."
Seattle, maison doux maison. Oh comment tu me manques....
Do copywriters in New York City know about "kerning"?

Perhaps the crowded single-spacing is emblematic of the crowded sense of self-import, particular to a writer so very far from Seattle.

This article leaves me with a notion of existential syncope in empathy for such "writers".
"For some reason I never heard Shya—or anyone else I know from Seattle—say anything like "In Seattle I would never be attacked on public transportation".."

I think that is because in Seattle, we have so many people from somewhere else that tell us everything is better in other places, so we don't do that when we travel.

Everything is better somewhere else, according to people who came to Seattle from somewhere else. Bagels, drivers, weather, nightlife, dating, government, name it. So it's no wonder we don't brag when we go to other cities.

Gosh this makes me want to move there! But that's because I'm curious like a cat.. my friends call me whiskers?!!!
For whatever reason, I find the commentary on this article to be eerily similar to the Biflow, FL reference.. For those of you who are defending Seattle, who gives a shit? And for those of you aiming to offend Seattle, who gives a shit? Go buy yourselves a Starbucks and chill out.
I don't like this writing style, it seems too diary-ish. Not to mention, you don't even live here. You've visited and it sounds like you communicate with seattlelites through e-mail, which tells me..... nothing.

Anyway, Seattle sucks and is soulless. People are repulsive and unwelcoming to generosity? Backwards, huh? When it sun comes out, everyone freaks out and can potentially have nice tendencies. But manners do not exist, so if you hold the door open for someone, they may just try to open it themselves and look at you like you're crazy.

How can I get back my five minutes from reading this? The illustration is nice, but this makes makes me understand why Brooklyn is often ridiculed. After more than five years shouldn't this essay be culled like a library book that is never checked out?
Why are so many of these comments so negative? If you hate Seattle so much then go away and forget about us. You don't have to spend the little precious time you have on Earth being so disgusted by us.

I love Seattle. I am originally from San Diego. I find people in Seattle to be open, intelligent, and interesting. I have met many nice people who appreciate other people and are generous to strangers. If you are a "choad", you're going to meet "choads".

Mostly I love that Seattle is a place that induces this type of article to be written about it. Great "diary entry", btw. I appreciate that it made me want to keep reading. You managed to put in words what I felt about the Central Branch.
you want to leave europa

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