BAH!!! Ab-so-fucking-lutely. My favorite part is the part where people miss the joy in any literary moment. THAT is just so cool. Oh...no...GOSH I am so sorry but it isn't.
I have the attention span of a chimpanzee on zanex (see chimpanzee rips of woman's face, youtube) yet I made it all the way through this very special article. Soooooo good.
Loved it! Spot on. Especially liked the ones about clown phobias, mean bloggers and evolution-haters. The clown phobia hit home for me. My ex-BFF felt compelled to develop a "cute" quirk for nearly everything imaginable, including her pregnant-women phobia. Not only that, but I had to listen to her blather on about herself and make the sale to everyone in the immediate vicinity (or across the bar or in the bar across the way...whoever is within earshot) for why her personality quirks were so fun and cute. It's one thing to hear her spiel once or twice, but I got to hear it every time we met new people or went out for a drink. All the while, all I could do was sit their with my mouth shut, because who can get in a word edgewise with someone so in love with themselves? After you've heard someone describe how fascinating their psychotic quirks are for the millionth time it gets really hard to take. Hence, we are no longer frenemies forever.
I had to hold my sides and stifle my laughter so as not to wake the sleeping people in my house. Thanks for the laughs, you big, fat, raging hiptard! ;-)
This is one of the best things I've ever read, in the Stranger or otherwise. This is better than 99% of the shit in the New Yorker. You truly are gifted. I coughed up a lung laughing. Even the title is brilliant.
Great! The only other writer on the subject of absurdity of human existence that's this good is Albert Camus, coincidentally in a publication called The Stranger.
I love this list but I have more: People who call themselves "environmentalists" yet they smoke; People who fart in public and look around or stand there as though nothing happened; People who do pilates to lose weight; People who step out in front of your car-Hey, even though there's a crosswalk: car, BIG, MOVING, METAL, MACHINE.
this brought smiles and laughs, thank you. I can really say I get the point and I love you too...but in a friendly social kinda way not a creepy guy at 7-11 kinda way...
Why does Bill Paxton miss the point? He was the only one who knew when demons were among us!
Oh, and everyone who likes the Beatles, puppies, Stephen Colbert, pizza, Van Gogh, etc. is a SHEEP!
C'mon, people, there are some things that are so objectively good that everybody likes them. Liking something popular does not automatically make you a sheep.
Old pigeon feeding people?!? Ever thought they might deliberately be aiming to create a carpet of birdshit for you to walk through. Seems they are not as dumb as all that...
Lindy West, I think reading your writing makes me a funnier person, sort of like how cleaning up vodka with a paper towel makes it a more appealing paper towel.
APPARENTLY THE ONLY KIND OF PEEPS IN DA WURLD ARE ITCHY STUPID HIPSTER-PUN-KRANK-FUCK-WANKS.
I WISH DERE WERE MORE PEEPS, AND THAT OLD DUDE IZ SOOO BORED. HE'S LIKE "WTF BITCHEZ, WHY DONT U TOKE OR DO FUN SHIT?" AND THEY R ALL LIK "FUK U DAWG, WE IZ HELLA COUNTERCULTURE. HUH HUH, THAT SHOULD BE THE NAME OF A BECKETT PLAY, HUH HUH."
LOL @"People Who Don't Believe in Evolution but Love Antibiotics"
More seriously, this actually isn't too much of a contradiction. Since it unfortunately describes most people in America, it's how we end up with things like MRSA.
Perhaps the British just lack the capacity to love Yanks. Some kind of bitter genetic memory maybe?
Also, what's with these people who comment just to say how shit they think something is? Surely they are some of the most miserable cunts on the planet.
Who the hell would give money to a hobo? You give them food IF they look legit, but never money. They could either be a con artist or just end up spending it on drugs.
...and then when in the tingly clutches of an Ouzo induced hot Greek waiter love trance, one can become a shrill-laughing clown that falls down the beyond dangerous island stairs to the terrace where, btw, one can still at that point be propositioned by Greek attendants and then wake up with no breakfast Sprite or good TV because London is far away (ps the boob-tube is how the Brits give us love) and still by some wizardly-god-science pull together a special hooker-hobo style that gets ones almost vomiting self packed and off to the next departure line headed for another pigeon poop town.
Ridiculously entertaining.
C'mon people, laugh and get over yourselves; you know this is true.
I felt as if I was watching a History Channel or Animal Planet documentary in print.
Bravo Lindy West, bravo.
This was so much fun to read and SO TRUE! I especially love the part about "people who pretend to be afraid of clows and people who studied abroad in a 3rd world country"
This is one of my favorite things I have ever read in the entire world. Thank you for all eternity for writing something brilliant and awesome. Also, pitbulls are nice.
Jesus, there are some funny commenters here. I just reread all 250,000 of them, and laughed my ass off all (or most) the way. Thanks for writing this, Lindy, and getting all this shit started. You & Savage Dan make my day, just about all the time.
This made my day. I sent this to all my Friends Who Get the Point. But I didn't send it to most of my friends because they fall into the category of People Who Miss the Point. Also I am friends with lots of babies but I don't blame them for not getting the point.
To the Christian guy way up there...I don't think denying the existence of God counts as "hating on Chrisitians." That's like saying denying the existence of Pepsi is a statement against people who like Pepsi. Whether there is or isn't Pepsi is the issue. I consider myself a Christian - a sinner, nonetheless, like all of us - and I am not offended when people deny the existence of God. Disappointed, sometimes. Afraid for their souls, maybe. But it's not a personal affront.
I think may have missed the point...oh, drear. Better look into getting that Eeyore tattoo. Great work, Miss West. You are funny and talented.
this article was so funny! How about "People who think that they are so incredibly intelligent, when it is so obvious to the rest of the world that they are the biggest dumbass on the face of the Earth". I have one of those individuals at my job. Kinda sad, actually.
this article was so funny! How about "People who think that they are so incredibly intelligent, when it is so obvious to the rest of the world that they are the biggest dumbass on the face of the Earth". I have one of those individuals at my job. Kinda sad, actually.
RE: People Who Don't Believe in Evolution but Love Antibiotics
This has been my favorite frustration for a long time. Thanks you for making it so funny when it is actually really, REALLY scary. See Religulous if you haven't already.
i never write comments on blogs, but felt compelled to do so now because this is hilarious. i have sent a link to all the people i know who will think the same thing, then they will be as overjoyed as i am. thank you.
How about 90% of the educated population that do not know the difference between "your and you're" and "there and their" and the list goes on....LOVE the article...one of the funniest things I have read this year...masterpiece!
Or, for that matter, people that like to pretened that Science has all the answers.
Guess what??! If scientsist knew everything and were never wrong, there wouldn't be anymore scientists...
but i love you too.
ps. elephants cry.
1. One who wanders from place to place without a permanent home or a means of livelihood.
2. A migrant worker.
so a hobo is some one without a home that travels from town to town for work.
Oh, and everyone who likes the Beatles, puppies, Stephen Colbert, pizza, Van Gogh, etc. is a SHEEP!
C'mon, people, there are some things that are so objectively good that everybody likes them. Liking something popular does not automatically make you a sheep.
Thank God and Goddess that my cat's too old and plump to jump up on the counter!
But I do keep him and my apartment clean.
p.s. I love you, three.
I WISH DERE WERE MORE PEEPS, AND THAT OLD DUDE IZ SOOO BORED. HE'S LIKE "WTF BITCHEZ, WHY DONT U TOKE OR DO FUN SHIT?" AND THEY R ALL LIK "FUK U DAWG, WE IZ HELLA COUNTERCULTURE. HUH HUH, THAT SHOULD BE THE NAME OF A BECKETT PLAY, HUH HUH."
More seriously, this actually isn't too much of a contradiction. Since it unfortunately describes most people in America, it's how we end up with things like MRSA.
Also, what's with these people who comment just to say how shit they think something is? Surely they are some of the most miserable cunts on the planet.
Love, Sean.
And: People who state that a higher power cannot exist as though it is a fact WHILE calling people close-minded who don't believe in aliens.
Thank you.
C'mon people, laugh and get over yourselves; you know this is true.
I felt as if I was watching a History Channel or Animal Planet documentary in print.
Bravo Lindy West, bravo.
but you can definitely have my babies
"The best thing on the internet."
Jesus.
You may want to add to the list the people that pronounce "supposedly" as "supposably."
People who are Librarians
People Who Get Tribal Tattoos and Have Never Been in a Tribe
People Who Dye their Pets' Hair
[fantastic article, by the way. absolutely in love.]
Otherwise, right on, sistah!
Just kidding!
Seriously tho- best ever! And I read A LOT!
I think may have missed the point...oh, drear. Better look into getting that Eeyore tattoo. Great work, Miss West. You are funny and talented.
- Janina, Seattle, 26
This has been my favorite frustration for a long time. Thanks you for making it so funny when it is actually really, REALLY scary. See Religulous if you haven't already.