Features Apr 2, 2009 at 4:00 am

The Different Kinds of People That There Are

A Complete List

Lindy West
As originally printed Photos by Kelly O and Mike Wilkes
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Comments

302
Lindy, care to meet me at Shorty's sometime? I know it's Belltown and I know Belltown is gross, but feel like proving your lack of coulrophobia? xx
on April 8, 2009 at 3:43 PM Report this
303
@299

Once you add in the 90% of the population that does not know the difference between you're and your, you will also have to add the estimated percentage that wish grammer nazis would go off to a corner somewhere and touch themselves while reading Webster's and leave the rest of us alone.

I'm not sure if this places me in the "People Who Sit at Their Day Jobs All Day Anonymously Posting the Meanest Things They Can Think of in the Comments Sections on Blogs" category, but thats not what I'm shooting for. I would much rather be a wizard.

Lindy, the article just gets better every time I read it, I love it!
on April 8, 2009 at 4:09 PM Report this
304
Good thing nobody posted more than 300 comments.
on April 8, 2009 at 4:10 PM Report this
305
man, fuck people who pretend to be afraid of clowns. that's all I have to say.
on April 8, 2009 at 4:11 PM Report this
306
people who sound a lot like john hodgman?
on April 8, 2009 at 4:30 PM Report this
307
so sad you don't think God exists. even more sad that you think not believing makes you somehow smarter.
on April 8, 2009 at 4:38 PM Report this
308
People who enjoy people who sound a lot like john hodgman?
on April 8, 2009 at 4:42 PM Report this
309
I liked this.
on April 8, 2009 at 4:42 PM Report this
310
Lindy, you're fantastic. I would love to see what you'd do with a novel or a screenplay. Kudos on being generally awesome and making me wish you were my fag hag. (Sorry! "Fruit fly.")
on April 8, 2009 at 4:58 PM Report this
311
Thank you for speaking out on behalf of people who enjoy using the word "hobo". I use it all the time and yes I know what it means. I'm hoping to exploit them as a cheap source of labor when the economy gets worse and I build a Hooverville in my backyard.

Um, you totally rock and I wish I was as funny as you are.
on April 8, 2009 at 5:06 PM Report this
312
I've never read anything on the Stranger before, and this is completely fantastic. Welcome to Viralville. And I love that I have something to send someone who says they're afraid of clowns and doesn't own a TV. You are one funny fat hiptard. If I were a stranger on the street I would smile at you.
on April 8, 2009 at 6:03 PM Report this
313
Really Funny - you had me at hobos.
on April 8, 2009 at 6:34 PM Report this
314
You rock. Just showing some blog love.
on April 8, 2009 at 7:12 PM Report this
315
:D
on April 8, 2009 at 8:44 PM Report this
316
this just made my day/week.
on April 8, 2009 at 8:58 PM Report this
317
People Who Will Just Have a Bite of Whatever You're Having

I swear, order your own damn dessert! No, you can't have some of mine. And no, that doesn't make me a selfish bitch, not if I'm paying for my own meal.
on April 8, 2009 at 9:00 PM Report this
318
Haha, this is cool :)
on April 8, 2009 at 9:39 PM Report this
319
this article made me fart on the bus. Thanks, Lindy, keep it up.
on April 8, 2009 at 10:33 PM Report this
320
This is...sublime.
on April 8, 2009 at 11:02 PM Report this
321
Wow...just wow. Possibly one of the best things I've read this year? in my life? People who are scared of clowns bug me almost as much as people who are terrified of bees (unless they're allergic and might, like, die if they get stung. they get a pass).
on April 9, 2009 at 9:09 AM Report this
322
another reason that i miss the stranger . . . take that sf weekly and sfbay guardian.
on April 9, 2009 at 10:24 AM Report this
323
Can I adopt you? I was hoping for a child like you but i just got robots. I am on your page, i hear ya and keep on doing what ya do. a not too hip but one who pays attention grandma
on April 9, 2009 at 10:38 AM Report this
324
fucking hilarious
on April 9, 2009 at 10:49 AM Report this
325
Lindy West has been on fire recently. Shit goddamn!
on April 9, 2009 at 10:51 AM Report this
326
I am happy that this article exists.
on April 9, 2009 at 12:03 PM Report this
327
you have actually witnessed someone correcting another person's usage of the word hobo? and here I am thinking the east village had the most pretentious idiots in the world. thank you seattle!
on April 9, 2009 at 12:21 PM Report this
328
i think i'm in love with lindy west. on another note, who is lindy west?
on April 9, 2009 at 1:27 PM Report this
329
I think the twitter folks went with "tweet" because had they gone with "twit" people would have mistakenly used "twat" as the past tense.
on April 9, 2009 at 4:35 PM Report this
330
In a word: dope.
on April 9, 2009 at 4:35 PM Report this
331
I agree with every single one of your points... except the part about the hoboes. There is definitely a difference between "hobos" and the homeless at large, but I won't annoy you with semantics.
on April 9, 2009 at 4:55 PM Report this
332
almost a really great list (especially kitty foot washing station)...i personally don't believe in (the still categorized as theory of macro)evolution, so i'll be one of those "people who don't give a fuck about your opinion of her and her belief in God" :-)
on April 9, 2009 at 5:09 PM Report this
333
Wow. Get your hep shots and buy a years supply of condoms, cause real work is calling for you.
on April 9, 2009 at 7:58 PM Report this
334
This was brilliant and I'm glad I've discovered it. I'm of the opinion that truly talented people are few and far between; you are one of them.
on April 9, 2009 at 8:31 PM Report this
335
I love you.
on April 9, 2009 at 8:36 PM Report this
336
i use the comment hobo without prudence
on April 9, 2009 at 9:36 PM Report this
337
Wow. <3
on April 10, 2009 at 6:32 AM Report this
338
You are my new best friend.
on April 10, 2009 at 6:37 AM Report this
339
What about the guy who writes unnecessarily long, overly snarky, and, ultimately, completely and utterly unnecessary commentaries on people to whom he clearly feels superior.
on April 10, 2009 at 7:40 AM Report this
340
You are awesome. Thanks for liberating the word 'hobo' from would-be purists. A thousand poets thank you.
on April 10, 2009 at 12:48 PM Report this
341
Hi-Larious! Thanks for the laughs, especially the whimsy folks and the self-indulgent 4-way stop morons.
on April 10, 2009 at 12:58 PM Report this
342
The Vice mag influence is clear, but it's still great.
on April 10, 2009 at 3:25 PM Report this
343
People who are so joyful, yes joyful, to have discovered this writer: Me.
on April 10, 2009 at 3:37 PM Report this
344
When did "Douche" become synonymous with stupid, bad, ickey or whatever other word you use to mean less than optimal?
on April 10, 2009 at 6:37 PM Report this
345
people who mis the point! i have had it! im not explaning anymore...thanks
on April 10, 2009 at 9:12 PM Report this
346
As an adendum to "people who miss the point" I would like to add "people who miss the point ON PURPOSE because they think it will help them win an argument". For example, my husband. Grr to that shit.
on April 10, 2009 at 9:32 PM Report this
347
All Hail Lindy West! Where have you been all my life? I just picked this rag up the other day and read it not 10 minutes ago. I know I am behind as far as the publication is concerned but this was definitely the best piece I have digested year to date (and I highly doubt anything can out do this masterpiece of wit and wisdom). You're a genius - and I love you too! You are my new favorite. Cheers!
on April 10, 2009 at 9:40 PM Report this
348
i was with you for awhile, then it got too 'LOL IMA WRITE RANDUM STUFF ABOUT WIZARDS ON MY MYSPACE LOOK AT HOW RANDUM AND PRECIOUS I AM, ISN'T DANE COOK FUNNY MONKEY WITH A SWORD!
on April 11, 2009 at 12:57 AM Report this
349
Ouzo should get 2 mentions.... its THAT good.....
on April 11, 2009 at 10:56 PM Report this
350
funny - kept me interested enough to read the whole damn thing
on April 12, 2009 at 7:07 PM Report this
351
Whoa.
on April 12, 2009 at 7:23 PM Report this
352
Aw man, look, you can still believe in God and also not be a douche, at the same time. And you can believe in evolution and dental school and antibiotics, and STILL God. Don't let some assholes make you think that ONLY assholes believe in God. Come on!
on April 12, 2009 at 8:18 PM Report this
353
Made my day. Awesome.
on April 12, 2009 at 8:28 PM Report this
354
very, very funny... 1st time directed to the stranger and if it is this funny all the time I am coming back. Although I do believe in God and find fat people generally unpleasant to be around, this article is quite brilliant, thank you..
on April 12, 2009 at 11:23 PM Report this
355
I watched one show on TV before it went off the air. I don't watch the rest because I think I'm smarter than everyone else, just because I don't want to pay a lot of money each month for a bunch of crap I can get free on the internet anyway.
on April 13, 2009 at 9:21 AM Report this
356
Hilarious.
on April 13, 2009 at 2:14 PM Report this
357
Come on, whenever my cat walks through the cat box, he always licks his paws clean first before he walks across the kitchen counter.
on April 13, 2009 at 4:01 PM Report this
358
you need way more replies!
i love you & i am sending this to everyone.
on April 13, 2009 at 4:32 PM Report this
359
I love you Lindy.

- Person who Complains About the Printed Seattle P-I Going Under Even Though They Never, Ever Used to Read the Seattle P-I
on April 13, 2009 at 4:39 PM Report this
360
I love you, fat cunty hipster.
on April 13, 2009 at 6:41 PM Report this
361
People who assume that because you are religious you are stupid, and don't believe in science. I've had numerous arguments about this. It's called being a scientific creationist!!! Grr!!!
on April 13, 2009 at 9:11 PM Report this
362
bit my damn eyeball herpes joke...
on April 14, 2009 at 1:13 PM Report this
363
That was hilarious. Thanks for making me laugh.
on April 14, 2009 at 7:05 PM Report this
364
You can't really be mad at people who send away for porcelain figurines of poodles wearing poodle skirts that they saw in the back of PARADE, or who enjoy movies in which impish children attempt to call grandma in heaven on the CB radio.

This has nothing to do with whimsy. These people are sociopaths, and the people that turn clowns bad.
on April 14, 2009 at 8:41 PM Report this
365
This stuff cracked me up....
on April 15, 2009 at 9:03 AM Report this
366
Brilliant. Thank you. I'm gonna go read it again.
on April 15, 2009 at 10:03 AM Report this
367
As a social scientist, I must say that I LOVE THE AUTHOR!
on April 15, 2009 at 12:10 PM Report this
368
this is amazing
on April 15, 2009 at 7:12 PM Report this
369
I love this. Thank you.
on April 16, 2009 at 1:00 PM Report this
370
This was mildly amusing. I say that simply because not every thing on the damn planet can be the "best thing ever!" simultaneously. However, I did enjoy it in a "smile on the inside" way.
on April 16, 2009 at 8:54 PM Report this
371
I can actually see the snub noses in the air as I read the negative comments...

theyre probably the kind of people who would point out something they didnt like if I brought them a surprise breakfast to work.
on April 17, 2009 at 4:15 AM Report this
372
I actually have "herpes of the eyeball," otherwise known as shingles. It's extremely painful and can lead to blindness, but I try not to post too many mean comments on blogs.

Love the "people who don't believe in evolution" one!
on April 17, 2009 at 7:23 AM Report this
373
This made me miss Seattle so much! And I can't believe they discontinued the Seattle P-I as a daily newsletter. Now it's online... major womp. I never read it that much, though. Mainly read this and the Seattle Times.
on April 17, 2009 at 1:11 PM Report this
374
twentysomethings with an inflated sense of self-importance and an underdeveloped grasp of the english language who write trite, long-winded, self-conscious, pseudo-intelligent & purposefully "quirky" lists?? just sayin.'
on April 19, 2009 at 1:16 AM Report this
375
Red plus purple equals whore.
on April 20, 2009 at 6:26 PM Report this
376
I needed a good chuckle. Thanks for this. But you forgot the people who don't smile BACK at the nice customer service people. Ah, not really. I find that most people smile back if you smile at them, even if it looks like it causes inexplicable pain.
on April 20, 2009 at 9:22 PM Report this
377
this was the bestest read ever. :)
on April 21, 2009 at 6:08 AM Report this
378
You get me, you know? You really get me. Okay, I sort of don't get me right now, but I love the piece - I felt like I was people watching not in one single place, but sort of all over the city. I promise to remember to smile at you.
on April 21, 2009 at 9:30 PM Report this
379
Funniest damn thing I have read in the last 20 minutes.
on April 22, 2009 at 12:37 PM Report this
380
I'm not even done yet... saving some for later... seriously, if the paper I used to work for ever printed anything this solid and funny I'd be sorry I got laid off
on April 22, 2009 at 3:29 PM Report this
382
love the no tu point. have never been to there peoples houses but they always scream "i have on tv!" I don't care!

@Brynmorgan
on April 23, 2009 at 11:49 AM Report this
383
Hey I appreciate you sticking up for people who think they know what hobos are. I am in charge of the Hobo Digest (The only online hobo news portal) and if you're ever in Moonshineopolis consider your first drink on me.
on April 23, 2009 at 12:19 PM Report this
384
Fantastic list, and instant classic
on April 23, 2009 at 1:00 PM Report this
385
People who work for bullshit hipster blogs and think their clever by making fun of other people
on April 23, 2009 at 1:23 PM Report this
386
I laughed out loud a couple of times. Thanks.
on April 23, 2009 at 8:28 PM Report this
387
...At 1 AM this was hilariously funny. at 11:45 AM, this was just as funny.

People Who Claim to Be Afraid of Clowns

I've met a girl who was ACTUALLY afraid of clowns. She ended up in a ball, crying and rocking, begging the clown not to get nearer. The poor clown didn't know what to do.
on April 24, 2009 at 8:48 AM Report this
388
Clown one is spot on.
on April 24, 2009 at 9:40 AM Report this
389
"buckets of kittens adorable"

seriously wtf does that even mean, kittens are cute but they shit too, and have you ever seen kittens in the wild... their wild, and shitty looking.
on April 24, 2009 at 2:01 PM Report this
390
Terrific! Reminds me of Haggis-on-Whey, particularly the Wizards-Russians-Russian Wizards transition.

I shall not be fooled again!
on April 27, 2009 at 9:59 AM Report this
391
that was awesome
on April 27, 2009 at 10:52 AM Report this
392
This made my MONTH! Extremely humorous. Kudos to you Miss West!

-The Russian Wizard
on April 29, 2009 at 2:39 PM Report this
393
i feel loved
on April 29, 2009 at 7:27 PM Report this
394
never read the Stranger before, got linked to this off someone's Facebook (there must be some kind of category for me), and I must say it's the most hilarious thing I've read all week. Thank you.
on April 30, 2009 at 12:43 PM Report this
395
This is the Gayest, most aids infected shit i have ever read, and the last 3 cheesy lines to save face can eat the herpe infected nipple wart discharge of the average patron of the R place.
TheEvilOyO on May 5, 2009 at 10:13 PM Report this
396
To Tweet or not to Twitter, that is the stranger question
genx on May 19, 2009 at 7:54 PM Report this
397
I needed this today. Thank you!
chambe3 on May 27, 2009 at 2:58 PM Report this
398
What about people who are in the U.S. illegally from Mexico and preach how awesome Mexico is and over-obnoxiously celebrate it and wave Mexican flags all around and never attempt to learn anything about American culture/language?
brandamonium on June 10, 2009 at 1:31 PM Report this
399
Lindy West, I want to kiss you on the mouth.
on October 1, 2009 at 10:33 AM Report this
400
"I have never been an Atheist" - Charles Darwin

People like Lindy

"Blind leaders of the Blind" - Jesus
on October 12, 2009 at 8:05 AM Report this
401
Your article was interesting but the picture at the beginning kind of threw me off. If you think that is a picture of various kinds of people think again... Looks like a bunch of hipsters and an old guy to me. Not that I don't like hipsters, but your article is about variety. Step out of your bubble, perhaps?
raininghoney on April 8, 2010 at 9:11 PM Report this
402
hello!!!

on April 21, 2010 at 4:15 PM Report this

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