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May 28, 2014 at 4:00 am
A Waiter at a Seattle Restaurant Serves Up a Microaggression That I Can’t Let Go Of
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800 Maynard Ave S, Suite 200, Seattle, WA 98134
800 Maynard Ave S, Suite 200, Seattle, WA 98134
Don't mistake egregious overpricing and self-congratulatory unearned pretentiousness with either of these.
Seattle is still just a hick Western boom town obsessed by a quick buck. That's its heart and soul.
Maybe next time, try to avoid making rampant, blanket generalizations when commenting about a situation predicated on the actions of someone else making rampant, blanket generalizations, m'kay?
http://www.nytimes.com/2014/03/22/us/as-…
I mean, what are the odds, in a west coast city, that you were a group of Korean-American authors from all over the country compared to the odds that you were a group of Korean tourists? He went with the percentages and guessed wrong.
And what's he supposed to apologize for? It's not an insult to be thought to be from another country. Maybe you were better dressed and better mannered than typical American schlubs. I know I'm flattered when people think I'm Canadian or British.
"Microaggression"? No.
I would write it off as good intentions gone awry. He was trying to be welcoming and make conversation, which is, you know, his job. And it looks like he tried to make up for his faux pas. I'm really, really sorry the encounter bummed you out, though. If it's any comfort, he's probably still kicking himself for his mistake.
I am no longer surprised at such stories. Ethnic minorities and others continue to be viewed as outsiders, and treated with insensitivity, ignorance, disrespect, and outright ill will by a significant number of white people in this town and across America. It is a sad fact of life, and will remain so as long as those who perpetuate it lack empathy and understanding for others.
I have come to view post-racial-ism not as an accomplished fact or even a utopian ideal, but as insensitive, blind, de facto support for both cultural illiteracy and (a historically mild) white supremacy. Ignoring ethnicity strips people of their heritage, their cultural, and chosen identity; it denies the historical and current status of different peoples; and it allows those in power to pretend those decisions which disproportionately affect one group or another are not objectionable because race should be ignored.
What part of "the Seattle Freeze" don't you get?
Well, how racist is that? Were the Chinese writers not invited?
I would like it cleared up if being interested in someone's heritage, where they are from, is considered racist. I personally love to hear about a person's heritage, probably because my father was adopted and mother's mother was an orphan. There's not a whole lot tying me to the past.
But, "Europe" and "Russia" aren't ethinic/racial identifications, are they? See how this works?
@14:
In Seattle, with it's comparatively large ethnic Asian population (the fact that they were writers is irrelevant, because it's pretty difficult to tell most people's profession just by looking at them), I'd say, "pretty damned good."
...I give you @17.
Who would have thought that people might, say, move here from elsewhere and get a job like waiting tables while they get settled?
I feel for your microaggression issues, but don't chalk it up to a supposed latent ignorance pervasive in Seattle!
Did this waiter somehow diminish or insult your heritage? Demean you, offer you less service or higher prices because of his perception that you might be from out of town?
No? Then it's not racism. It may be a bit bigoted, but not racism.
Generally . . . bigotry is thought, racism is action. What actions did he take, other than a obtuse observation, that in any way was differential treatment that any of his other tables?
Call it racism when it's racist. In this case, just leave a smaller tip and tell him why.
Perhaps, just perhaps, as much as you like to think you're just like any other table full of Americans, you behave as if you're from out of town or from overseas.
Why do you identify yourself as Korean, but are insulted that the waiter did?
I must say that your article is VERY Seattle: Topically appears liberal and open minded, but really is uptight and mightily self-righteous.
Please keep you "micro-sensitivities" to yourself.
Why would anyone think that someone speaking unaccented English is not from the US? Maybe Canada, but there's no indication he said anything like that.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DWynJkN5H…
Don just come's off as a whiner. I'm Korean-American and this article made me mad. Do you really think Asia is chock-full of zero-English speaking tourists? Is it THAT hard to believe somebody MIGHT have thought speaking perfect English isn't an automatic sign that you're American? You said you were in town for a writing conference. Again, is it THAT hard to believe that MAYBE this waiter thought you were from a different country, here for that conference? Or is it just easier to also stereotype your own people and get away with it? English is a pretty damn useful language to know, even if you're not from here.
P.S.
I wish this article was written in unaccented, perfect English. I know proofreading is a profession reserved exclusively for the most elite of educators, but maybe give it a shot.
"tony restaurant"
"The waiter drooped his head and slunk away"
Like persistent drops of water against stone, though, time will reveal the transformation.
Change what is ready to change this day.
Never wait for another person or circumstance to change to live true to who you are.
Like roots against earth and limbs against gravity, defy resistance to claim your place in this world.
Be the change you wish to see in the world.
And let's not overlook:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n7Hp6s2Pz…
It must get tiring to have to say all the time that "yes, I'm American, Yes, I'm from the US, No, I wasn't born in Korea". And if the waiter had just said "Oh, I'm sorry, I made a mistake" or something like that - it would have been fine. But if the story is correct, he kept compounding his error, probably, like those on this thread, trying to justify himself.
Why would one think that people who speak English with an American accent come from anywhere but the USA? Just because of the way they look?
I'm sorry the author had this experience; I'm glad they were able to mostly still enjoy the evening.
But, like #YesAllWomen .... #YesAllAsians have suffered some form of this (or so I assume). Don't take it from YOUR perspective; try to understand it from the author's perspective.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GWsCxIrH6…
I don't think I sound British (or look Canadian, or act Swedish, etc.), but no one has ever asked where I'm from. I get asked the social what-do-you-do followup "Are you from around here?" but never "Where are you from?" I am white with no accent except a trace of Missouri that really only comes out when I'm drunk, angry, or both. And when I tell people I was born in Kansas City, that's enough for them. No one presses for where my people are from. Ever. Because no one would ever think to ask a white guy that.
I have ancestry in Croatia, Norway and Germany, but no one has ever come up to me and greeted me in Croatian, Norwegian, or German or been surprised that I don't know any of those languages. I bet if little things like that happened every day, I'd get real sick of it real fast.
Assuming that a group of people are from another country based on their facial features is a huge assumption to begin with. To make that assumption while ignoring their speech and behavior makes it worse. In this case, the waiter had spoken with them prior to his question. They had even talked to him explicitly about the conference.
Maybe the waiter, as Don Lee supposes, never realized he was wrong. Maybe he was so embarrassed, the only way he could carry on was to hope nobody would talk about it again. Either way, he fucked up, and the question was kind of racist.
I lived in Korea for six months. People were always curious about were I was from and why I was there. But what if, I had been raised there? Should I have been offended or would I find that an opportunity to share my family story that brought me to that country from a different culture.
My husband is British. He has been here 30 years. He is often asked where he is from; then no where are you really from? How come you still have an accent? etc... Should he be offended?
A quote that is often attributed to Eleanor Roosevelt but apparently actually dates to 1838 by William Channing states: " No power in society, no hardship in your condition can depress you, keep you down, in knowledge, power, virtue, influence, but by your own consent."
People are curious, they want to hear others stories and experiences; it is sharing that connects us.
I too, would like to believe we are all citizens of the world just traveling this journey of life together. If we all are always wearing our propensity to offense on our shoulders, ready to jump on every statement as an assault to our race, there is really no hope that we will ever be able to live in harmony.
I am flummoxed!
I don't know why in the world he would continue with that line of reasoning after hearing that they spoke perfect English though. Perhaps he is a little slow-witted? Or maybe we were too quick to pull the trigger on this marijuana legalization thing?
"Hey bro, we're all in town for a conference for Korean American writers. My boy Mike over there just got in from Chi town. What up, Mike."
"Oh yeah? Is it y'all's first time in the States?"
"Uh. . . no. The fuck?"
@Don Sorry you and your friends experienced that. That waiter is unbelievably ignorant.
and besides, I think it's impolite to not ask someone "where are you from dude?" I ask it to white, black, Asian, english speaking hispanic whatever.
Its friendly. Am I to now start making a racial distinction and only ask whites that question?
wouldn't that be racist, too?
Now,
"it's not malicious, and I wouldn't call it racist, but it's invasive and obnoxious and ignorant."
FTW
"Yet I could tell he didn’t quite understand what he had done wrong—certainly nothing to merit an apology, which he never thought to deliver. He probably concluded we were a bunch of PC whiners, overly sensitive to an innocent little mistake, when he had only been trying to be cordial. Why, he likely wondered, were we making such a big deal about this?"
Really? What if the waiter thought he was being dumb was incredibly sorry for his mistake. The author writes that he'd have been OK if the waiter had just said that very thing to him, and he would have moved on. Maybe the waiter realized he was wrong but just didn't verbalize it because he was embarrassed.
The incident is infuriating because the waiter thought the group was a "bunch of PC whiners." Because he "didn't understand what he'd done wrong." But we don't know that's true.
Thats weedism dude, and I'm rea... Where the hell did I put my pretzels?
My understanding of 'racism' and 'bigotry' didn't at all conform to your pronouncements, but I thought I might be wrong, despite being relatively well versed in my native tongue, so I asked some other people. None of them agreed with your bizarrely crafted definitions, but I thought we might all be mistaken, so I checked Merriam Webster's online and my New Shorter OED. These did not conform to your views either.
Perhaps you are using some rarified jargon no one writing for a general audience might reasonably turn to, but that's little different from simply making up your own definitions in this context, and just as productive. When talking to people who haven't agreed to your singular terms beforehand, you cannot meaningfully deny someone the proper and accepted use of regular English words by fiat.
Your case being that any dissenters opinions are worthless because they're white and male? Thats completely fucked comte.
No, because anyone coming from a position of white, male privilege has no fucking business telling anyone else their experiences being the object of discrimination, objectification or bigotry are over-reacting, or whining, or misinterpreting the situation or intent, or whatever dismissive rationalization they come up with to defend someone else's bigoted actions.
Because that's the key point in all this: ones INTENTIONS are irrelevant; ones ACTIONS are completely relevant.
See: white speaker at 15 now rally.
On one hand you say that white men can't have feelings, on the other you ensure that happens. And then you ask for sympathy.
Keep whining and I'll give you smallpox.
@ Everyone else complaining about PCness:
It's not about you. It's not about your feefees or your personal actions. It's about the systemic, cultural, sometimes subtle sometimes not, language that guides actions and thoughts that benefit some people to the detriment of others.
@44: 42 is trolling? I think not. You completely missed the nuance of 42's argument. The nuances of #YesAllWomen also flew right over your privilege-blind head. It wasn't ONLY about violence against women. It was about the ways that systemic, cultural, sometimes subtle sometimes not, language guides actions and thoughts in regard to cultural misogyny. 42 simply drew obvious parallels from the #NotAllMen reactions made to #YesAllWomen to the hyper-defensive reactions of cultural racism/xenophobia deniers in this thread.
Who's really the troll here, the person engaging intelligently and empathetically with the OP or the person who casually dismisses the OP and anyone who might find they agree or understand the OP's experience?
Hmm.
"we would have preferred not to tip due to his obvious lowerclass status but the tip was included in the bill"
FUCK ALL YALL
My point, is that the author started off with a minor, valid complaint against a waiter who probably was hitting himself in the head later for making an assumption - one man's mistaken assumption is another group's institutional racism to be turned into an article against them - and then turns around and becomes a racist douche bag himself with his "perfect unaccented English" line. I hope you've never been to the fucking South. They're Americans too. I hope you don't count all the other Asians in this country whose English hasn't had time to adapt. How well someone speaks a language that is the foremost taught language on the fucking planet is a pretty pathetic argument and shows your own classism against those whose English isn't so perfect. I'm sorry, but the underlying attitude is: "See.. we contribute to this society! How dare! you pick on us! Those others? Not so much..."
See? See how you can take one, small part of the whole and turn it into a legitimate piece of an argument that you, the dear author, penned in the first place? You're no different than that waiter. None. Congrats. Maybe you and he can go hang and have a drink and leave your classist, racist, bullshit attitudes at the door.
Some definitions, straight from the dictionary:
"Bigotry: bigoted attitudes; intolerance toward those who hold different opinions from oneself."
See what their talking about here? Opinions, attitudes . . . thoughts, get it?
"Racism: abusive or aggressive behaviour towards members of another race on the basis of such a belief."
See the difference between the two? Thought vs behavior.
Get off your high-horse and put down the thesaurus. "Rarified jargon?"
I recommend you learn just a bit more about the English language, other than what you can read from online thesaurus or dictionaries. You may want to consult with an English teacher, or anybody else besides those who want to make unmakable and unnecessary arguments.
Please tell me, what does "perfect unaccented' english sound like? When I go to southern US states, are they the ones with an accent or am I? If I go to England, am I speaking with accented English or are they? If you speak "perfect unaccented English" are English speakers with an accent other than the one you deem 'perfect', speaking imperfect English?
Isn't it a bit racist or bigoted to think that someone from another country is incapable of speaking, what the author considers, "perfect" English?
*not sure if "tongue" is the right word given that it's Twitter we're talking about here
My first response had been that the waiter's attempt at friendly talk was kinda dumb, maybe making assumptions like you said, but to expect him to make an eloquently explained apology while embarassed on duty - and apologize for his entire racial background (which I note you didn't ask HIM about, you just assumed he was only "white") - while, by your own admission, he was providing great service and simultaneously keeping up the happy repartee - Haven't you ever been a waiter?
Basically,if you were really serious about finding out what he "really meant", and if you were really bent on explaining a better way to ask "where you from", you should have taken him aside, or better yet, asked to interview him off-duty. You still could, btw...
Ok, sorry there. I'm just really suspicious of reactions to racism, or supposed racism that sound like racism themselves. When the problem is applying broad definitions to an entire race/class, a 'good' response can't include picking up the same broad brush :D
"I was actually born and raised in San Francisco. Where are you from? Ohhh, that's nice. Where is that again?"
Sure, countering one microaggression with another may not be the best response, but it sure seems to get the point across, or at least bring that topic to a quick close.
There is nothing like the wave of "well, I never!" that comes from white people when non-white people point out the little things that only they have to deal with. As the author said, it's not a big deal, but it's the kind of thing that every Asian (and probably Indians and Hispanics) has experienced several times over the course of their lives.
A waiter sees a bunch of Koreans
(or were they Yamato ppl, Han, Malay, North and South Indians in equal proportions?)
and draws his conclusions.
He is not refined enough (working class, blue collar job) to abstain from any comments that
sensitive and sophisticated creative types could interpret all the way to The Stranger...
and now he is almost a racist criminal.
(He did not use G...or W... words.
Did not tell anyone that he is better than them because of his race.)
Ridiculous!
Have you ever stayed at a Korean dinner until guests are drunk enough to make jokes about Chinese or Japanese?
If you did - you know that intra-Asian racism is way worse than what whites are blamed for.
BTW, I am an Asian too.
A white Asian.
That's what I use for questionnaires -- just for the kicks.
It looks like Mr Lee is suffering from a racial inferiority complex and fixates and things that doesn't matter to normal people.
German? Say Sieg Heil and laugh about it
English? Ask about his tea and whether if hes a member of the TEA party
French? Talk weird French to him the whole time
etc etc
This only works on Amricans and Australians and New Zealanders as they are made up identities.
Also the plastic bag ban
I could go on but point is made, pretty liberal place.