Features Apr 6, 2016 at 4:00 am

In spite of what social media or Susan Sarandon have led you to believe, no one cares what you think.

Mark Kaufman


You know who's the worst?
Pretentious bloggers who WRITE OPINION PIECES telling everyone else to "shut up" and not voice THEIR opinions.

Why? Because OBVIOUS hypocrisy, but also because that SAME DAMN RAG also posts voting guides which states opinions about EVERY SINGLE non-presidential candidate AND ballot issue.
Oh, Neal. I love you!
@1 was so close to getting the joke.
What kind of rude, butthurt poorly written bullshit is this??? All hail the self important and overrated asshole who thinks everyone's opinions are invalid but his own
I'd like to say I get what you are going for here, but really, you just come off as a pretentious asshole. Honestly, an 8th grader could compose a better article.
Wha? Comment on this shit article? Na, I'd rather shut the fuck up and not give a damn about it.
Oh, by the way SANDERS 4 PRES!!!!!!
@3 I enjoyed reading the piece because of the funny turns of phrase, but I'm not clear on what the joke is actually sposed to be. Feeling kinda dense at the moment!
I thought this was pretty funny Neal. Only wish you hadn't brought up the "by the way I'm for Hillary" thing and then proceeded to go easy on her supporters. If this was an indictment of social media giving narcissists a voice about shit they don't understand, shouldn't that apply to more than Bernie and Trump people? Hell, even Kasich and those folks can be massive blowhards.
Brilliant. Thank you.
Have you considered that all the people freaking out and focusing so intensely on this election is a good thing? It's a hell of a lot better than nobody giving a fucking while conservatives win everything. It's time for politics to matter again and for young people to be engaged. Being in the know and discussing things through social media is the first step towards getting involved and actually working to make things change. Instead of people staring at the TV and sucking in bullshit political viewpoints, there is actually a way to discuss things now with peers.
Neal, I'll always remember you for your Anthology of American Literature. You won't die forgotten, so long as you and I can rely on life tables...
No, YOU shut up!

LOL. I actually thought this was great. I assume you didn't tell Ted Cruz's supporters to "shut up," because you couldn't find any.
This hurts my feelings.
#3 - Is the joke simply that Neal Pollack has a catch phrase of "Just Shut Up!"? I clicked on his name and found a couple more "Just Shut Up!" rants over the years. I guess you have to know the guy personally or enjoy his previous work to get the joke. The obvious solution to his problem is form him to stop listening.
You can always get a real job building solar yurts and actually contributing to society instead of writing, you know
I think the biggest joke here in general are old, white tryhards telling idealist, diverse youngs to shut up and stop trying to influence the world in which they find themselves. this gig will get better for you the older you get when the stranger stops running your pieces. sure, only your friends will read them but you'll be so much more endearing to them as an even older, 90's nostalgia tryhard.
@20, 90's nostalgia? You really are young, aren't you.
People put Andrew Sullivan in their movies? Good FSM, I've got to get out less!
@16 Literal LOL. The Ted Cruz part, that is.
Wahh Wahh Wahh. What a spoiled fucking baby. Why not just fucking kill yourself?
Decent concept, failed execution.
@21- it's from the article, did you read it?

tl; dr: he liked the 90's bc it was fun bc he is a white man and neoliberalism made it more comfy for him. also, everyone else shut up, especially some guy that was on jeopardy once like he was.
I know I probably shouldn't take this piece seriously, but I am going to pretend for a second that Neal is expressing an earnest opinion.

Here's the thing about the world today, Neal: Journalism is dying. The press is just a middleman for information now, with most "news" actually coming from PR flacks. As budgets shrink at news orgs, they are increasingly staffed by incompetent fools and "master baiters." Sites like Salon have to hire the Chus and the Marcottes of the world to stir up outrage and fuel page clicks. It's the dying spasm of a industry that hasn't figured out how to adapt.

(You know this, of course. You probably made more on Jeopardy in 2013 than you have in any year since. I hope I'm wrong; Austin is getting expensive these days.)

In this world where people get their news through Facebook and Twitter searches, our opinions matter more than ever before. We are all content creators now, and people trust other people in their networks. Word of mouth is real and the stats behind it are convincing.

It isn't that people need to shut up. We just need to choose what we say very carefully, because everyone is watching.
@21 and @26
Ah yes, young revolutionaries following a 70 year old white man!
Truly groundbreaking, truly full of youthful novel ideas!
Oh god, you bernie brahs are a limitless source of dumbfuckery.
Also, Neal never wrote that he was in Jeopardy.
Please do learn to read.
@28, Great contribution Dylan! Thanks for the shoutout! Did I say anything about revolutionaries or novel ideas? The world is different now. Young people are not the same youngs from the 60's in this version of United States. Everything is change. Wake up and dust off your salty crank before you jump to conclusions. This election isn't about candidates, it's about basic human rights and protections for those not at the top 1% of the world's wealth. What did I say that was Bro-Ish? Good luck to you Dylan!
@29- I did a follow up read!! His twitter banner is him on Jeopardy! Good one though!
@30 Youth is no excuse for ignorance. So I guess in the 60s there was no rapid change going on, no basic human rights fights being fought.
Oh and just so that you adjust a bit your terrible aim: I'm 23 and Mexican-American. You know, one of those terrible nonexistent people who cannot possibly not feel the Bern.
All you Bernie brahs and your delusions of grandeur cannot vanish soon enough. People like you should really listen to Neal.
Hilarious! Clever writer.
it's bizarre how many folks here can't recognize a joke, even if they think it's not funny.
@30, whoa, you're younger than me! by over a decade! why are you so defensive? Oh well, good luck! BTW, the irony in your comments combined with the message of this article is great!
I meant @ 32. Sorry Dylan! I know you'll do what's right!
@32 Are you the 1% though.
I enjoyed this article so much I'm not going to share it on Twitter, Facebook, or Tumblr. And I'm sure as hell not going to blog about it.
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Opinions are like "ASSHOLES",everyone has one.
Just shut the fuck up & try to control your compassion for reasoning.
Bernie did 9/11
Yeah sure, the 90s were GREAT! ....
If you were white and straight and middle class or above...

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