In the December 6, 2017, issue of The Stranger, we called the owner of Daybreak Records JR, when he is actually named RJ. We regret the error.
In The Stranger's guide to the Seattle International Film Festival published in May 2017, the schedule grid was missing an entire theater for the last half of the festival. We regret the error.
In the May 31 issue of The Stranger, in an article about the performance venue On the Boards, we mentioned "the late arts philanthropist and broadcast executive John Behnke." In fact, Mr. Behnke is still very much alive. We are so sorry, John.
In the September 27 issue of The Stranger, in a story for college students on how to drink and do drugs, a subhead was deleted in the production process and replaced with a 0, thus smooshing two sections into one and making the transition of ideas difficult to understand. We regret being drunk and high while editing The Stranger.
In a profile of mayoral candidate Nikkita Oliver, Stranger news editor Steven Hsieh reported campaign staffer Yin Yu's age as 38. She was 32 at the time. We regret the error.
Heidi Groover, a Stranger staff writer and adult who makes her living communicating information and confronting powerful elected officials who hate her, regrets that it was so hard to communicate her feelings to that guy who kept ghosting her.
In the December 6 issue of The Stranger, performance critic Rich Smith praised the Sugar Plum Fairy and her cavalier's pas de deux in Pacific Northwest Ballet's production of The Nutcracker. "Elizabeth Murphy stood on one tiptoe while Jonathan Porretta dragged her across the stage for like five seconds as if the ground below her had suddenly turned to ice, appearing to defy several laws of physics at once," Mr. Smith wrote. However, it was Jerome Tisserand, and not Jonathan Porretta, who dragged Ms. Murphy across the ice-like stage. Mr. Porretta was nursing an injury at the time and didn't even dance in The Nutcracker this year. Sorry, Jerome.
Newspaper journalists regret that, according to recent Gallup data, Americans trust the military, police, organized religion, banks, and TV news more than they trust newspapers. TV news? Are you people fucking serious?
Senator Ted Cruz regrets accidentally "liking" pornography on his official Twitter account, but not as much as he regrets accidentally texting Senate leader Mitch McConnell on his way to a meeting that he was "rubbing a little behind" and would be there shortly.
Stranger Things To Do, our calendar department, regrets all of the children who went to an Easter egg hunt we publicized last spring who were apparently turned away for lack of Easter eggs because more people showed up than organizers had anticipated. We regret the sight of crying children, though we don't regret the enormous popularity of the Things To Do calendar that contributed to this situation.
In our year-end music recap "Top 10 Albums of 2017," Sean Nelson, a longtime writer and editor at The Stranger, inadvertently misgendered one of the artists he selected as having made one of the best albums of the year. Mr. Nelson corrected the error as soon as it was brought to his attention, but he continues to regret it.
Dan Savage, editorial director of The Stranger, regrets that he isn't allowed to fire people who disagree with him on Slog—regardless of where they work.
Stranger arts calendar editor Joule Zelman wrote that the Yiddish-language writer David Bergelson was murdered in a purge by Stalin in the 1930s. He was in fact murdered in a purge by Stalin in 1952. We regret the 20th century.
In a Slack conversation with staff writer Amber Cortes, Stranger digital managing editor Leilani Polk wrote "Go tit" instead of "Got it." Ms. Polk regrets the unintended breast.
Christopher Frizzelle, the editor of all of The Stranger's print publications, who loves chocolate-and- peanut-butter candies, recently purchased a new Reese's product called Snacksters. We regret the error.
In the March 29 issue of The Stranger, in a discussion on the deliciousness of goose eggs, we published the word "yoke" instead of "yolk." We regret the error.
In July 2017, The Stranger published a map in the Capitol Hill Block Party guide that had many confusing issues: Moe Bar was listed (even though it no longer exists, and is now called the Runaway); Good Weather was put in Chophouse Row instead of on 11th Avenue, and Chophouse Row was spelled incorrectly; Pike Street Fish Fry, no longer in business, was on the map; Sweet Iron was on the wrong block; Capitol Coffee Works was listed twice; Zion's Gate was listed twice; and Totokaelo, Stout, and Bai Tong weren't on the map but should have been. We regret the errors, and have fired, killed, and eaten everyone involved.
In the October 11 issue of The Stranger, we interviewed a woman named Sara Johnson, and then proceeded afterward to refer to her as Thompson, for no apparent reason. We regret the error.
On October 11, Stranger reporter Sydney Brownstone wrote a Slog post very quickly about an upcoming protest against US Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos in Bellevue. For reasons that can only be attributed to temporary brain failure, Ms. Brownstone described Ms. DeVos as secretary of state, not education. We regret the error, and the fact that the post was up for three hours before Ms. Brownstone noticed the mistake.
Kellyanne Conway regrets her reference to the erroneous location for a foiled terrorist attack, the Bowling Green Massacre. The actual location of the planned attack was Hogsmeade Village, on the corner near Gladrags Wizardwear and Scrivenshaft's Quill Shop.
In the April 19 issue of The Stranger, we ran the phrase "in a world where all solutions are solved by cuts." Obviously, the phrase should have been "in a world where all problems are solved by cuts," because you can't solve a solution. We regret the error.
In the May 3 issue of The Stranger, we spelled Falon Sierra's name as Falcon Sierra in a caption. We regret the error.
Digital managing editor Leilani Polk regrets getting pregnant just as she was starting her new job at The Stranger in early 2017. She does not, however, regret the charming little babe that came in August as a result and has become the center of her strange new universe.
Stranger publisher Tim Keck regrets that every time his kids go out of town without him, he kills one of their hamsters. Last time it was Lollypop, this time it was Hermione.
Eli Sanders, associate editor of The Stranger, regrets that people in Seattle were not quite as exercised as he was over the presence of Robert Mercer's $75 million super-yacht, the Sea Owl, in Lake Union this summer. Mr. Mercer is the Wall Street tycoon who made Trump president! Who bankrolled Steve Bannon! Who founded Breitbart! Oh well. The small Indivisible flotilla that went out on the lake to yell at Mr. Mercer's ginormous Sea Owl was nice, and the summer evening was beautiful, and people brought a lot of good snacks.
Cary Moon regrets that dank memes are not enough.
Seattle mayor Jenny Durkan regrets that dank memes is not a term she's familiar with.
Seattle City Council member Kshama Sawant regrets that so many of her council colleagues are not having it anymore. Was it something she said about each and every one of them? Repeatedly and condescendingly?
The people of Seattle regret at least two of the four mayors they had this year.
"The people" in this city regret how many people claim to be the only people in this city to speak for "the people."
Christopher Frizzelle, who generally prefers reading to watching movies, nevertheless set aside three hours of his time to watch Blade Runner 2049. He regrets the error.
Stranger staff writer Dave Segal regrets writing a brief November 15 Slog post ("Seattle Open-Mic Comedy Update: I Came to Laugh, but I Wanted to Die") that reflected negatively on three stand-up comics Mr. Segal caught at a Jai Thai open mic the night before. Mr. Segal received a torrent of bile from the region's comics—and big-time LA joke-teller Amy Miller—on Twitter, Facebook, and in the post's comment section. Even though Mr. Segal wrote that he dropped into the venue on a whim because the news that day was so god-awful and that he harbored optimism for Seattle's comedy scene despite the poor sets he'd witnessed, his detractors accused him of condemning the city's entire comedy superstructure until the end of time... all in about 300 words. Who knew comedians were so defensive and prone to overreacting? Not Mr. Segal. He now knows better than to attend an open mic and expect high-quality humor, as comic after comic told him he was a fool to do so. As they pointed out, open mics are where comics work out their material to see if it's ready for prime time. So the message is: Endure their weak jokes and STFU if you don't have anything nice to say.
On a related point, one male comedian sent a poisonous e-mail to Dave Segal, staff writer at The Stranger, at 12:10 a.m. on a Friday night, a time when said male comedian should've been honing his craft or jacking off. The e-mail began, "ATTENTION CHEESEDICK." That's right, an adult male wrote that salutation. Adding insult to injury, the comic forgot the comma. He then proceeded to rip The Stranger generally for neglecting comedy and Mr. Segal specifically for wanting to appear "cool and correct." The comic closed with, "Ps if you wanna see comedy and meet good comics but me up cause you fucked up here" [sic sic sic]. Mr. Segal regrets that he acted on a whim by dropping into a comedy show to seek relief from the reign of the worst president in American history, and is strongly considering never doing so again.
Stranger assistant calendar editor Elaina Friedman regrets that her favorite Chapstick was recently stolen by a cruel pigeon that came out of nowhere.
On September 6, Stranger reporter Heidi Groover wrote a post on Slog, The Stranger's blog, headlined "More Job Cuts Coming to the News Tribune." Ms. Groover hastily wrote that Slog post after seeing a mention of the news on Twitter. Ms. Groover wrote that "staffers at Tacoma's News Tribune have been told to expect at least 10 job cuts," and linked to a Seattle Times report detailing the cuts. However, that Times story was from five months earlier. We regret the error, and also whatever fresh panic it may have caused employees at the News Tribune.
Stranger music calendar editor Kim Selling regrets not knowing or caring which British isle the band Elbow is from, and also not taking the time to google it (they are from England, not Scotland) before Elbow sent her a strongly worded e-mail.
That creepy guy you went on one Tinder date with months ago and still has your number regrets that he gave you the "wrong impression" when he sent you that "what's up" text and accompanying dick pic, but wants you to know he's still available should you ever need to "just randomly hook up sometime."
In a Slog post announcing the impending closure of Zanadu, The Stranger's book critic Rich Smith referred to the beloved comics shop as the "only one" in downtown Seattle. The owners of Golden Age Collectables, "the world's oldest comics shop," which has been operating out of Pike Place Market since 1961, were kind enough to remind Mr. Smith of their existence in a subsequent e-mail. Mr. Smith plans to shop there more often so it doesn't close too.
Charles Mudede, an editor and writer at The Stranger, regrets there are not more potholes in this city. Potholes are a pedestrian's best friend.
Christopher Frizzelle, who has really been making an effort not to be as mean in his theater reviews as he used to be, regrets overcorrecting for this flaw in 2017. He ought to have named that one person in Pride and Prejudice who was not as good as the rest of the cast was, as well as that one person in Ragtime who was not as good as the rest of the cast was, and he should have trashed Something Rotten!. We regret Mr. Frizzelle's capriciousness.
Stranger news "editor" Steven Hsieh regrets his seeming inability to write a Morning News post on Slog without error. Mr. Hsieh's errors in 2017 have included but are not limited to: confusing salmon "farming" with "fishing," suggesting that port commissioners have the ability to fire port employees other than the CEO, misspelling "Tucson" as "Tuscon," writing one dollar and seventy-five cents when he meant 1.75 cents, misstating the date that police fatally shot Charleena Lyles, and hyperlinking to many, many bungled URLs.
Copy chief Gillian Anderson was disappointed in the second season of Stranger Things [Spoiler Alert] when Eleven met Max and gave her the freeze-out. She regrets that there can't seem to be any female friendships in the story line.
Katie Herzog, who spent three months as The Stranger's interim managing editor in 2017, regrets that managing editor Leilani Polk went into labor three weeks earlier than expected. Ms. Herzog furthermore blames Ms. Polk's early labor and newborn baby for all of her own failings as interim managing editor. She regrets Ms. Polk's error.
Katie Herzog, who is no longer interim managing editor and has been downgraded to a mere staff writer, regrets not making her Facebook page private as soon as she started working for The Stranger.
Local rapper Macklemore regrets that no matter how many black candidates he endorses or how much he sings about white privilege, historians will forever remember him as the man who brought the Hitler Youth haircut back.
Chase Burns, The Stranger's social media manager, does not regret that his writing reads "like an insecure hyperventilating fever dream," as one Slog commenter put it. That is, like, totally his brand.
Local venues regret allowing drag queens to use food props in their numbers. Chipotle burritos were not meant to go up that hole, hunty.
In a Slog post about the newest count of Seattle's homeless population, Stranger news reporter Heidi Groover wrote that the overall number was a 22 percent increase over last year. In fact, it was a 9 percent increase. We regret the error.
Charles Mudede, an editor and writer at The Stranger, regrets an error he made in his September 13 essay "It's the End of the World and I'm Forest Bathing." The path in the 10-acre Cheasty Greenspace at Mountain View is not made for bikes. It's made for pedestrians. The bikers Mr. Mudede saw on the path when he was reporting the story were breaking the law. Laws are not supposed to be broken.
Stranger calendar staffer Joule Zelman regrets watching Daniel Radcliffe's forehead give birth to a wriggling leech in Jungle.
The Seattle chapter of the Democratic Socialists of America regrets Dan Savage.
Stranger editorial director Dan Savage has walked out of sex parties that had more active members than the Seattle chapter of the Democratic Socialists of America.
Christopher Frizzelle, a longtime Stranger staffer who used to watch the original Will & Grace when he first moved to Seattle in 1998 with a group of gay men who were not used to seeing gay male protagonists on TV and would convene on Thursday nights to obsess and critique and laugh and relive each episode, watched the first few episodes of the Will & Grace reboot this year. He regrets the error.
Sean Nelson, The Stranger's editor at large, regrets that he was unable to include more excerpts from his enlightening, enlivening conversation with his handgun safety instructor during the course of working on his feature story "I Had Never Touched a Gun Before the Las Vegas Massacre. Then I Bought One." The draft Mr. Nelson turned in was 8,000 words and had to be cut to 6,500. The transcript of the conversation ran to 90 pages.
Some Stranger employees (who will not go on record) regret The Stranger's decision to remove the gigantic, beloved beige beanbag, fondly referred to as "the scrote," from the office. Some of us loved taking naps on that scrotum!
In the March 8 issue of The Stranger, we published the headline "Seattle's Most Fascinating Small Press Is About to Flood the Lit Scence." We regret the error.
In our Food & Drink Guide, we misspelled "bierstube." We regret the error.
The Stranger's book critic, Rich Smith, regrets not reading all of Claudia Rowe's The Spider and the Fly before interviewing her about the book, even though he lied and told her he had. He apologizes to Rowe, regrets the lie, and remains mortified.
Stranger reporter and alleged functional adult Sydney Brownstone regrets reaching 114 hours of playing Stardew Valley within a month of downloading the game on Steam. Things have kind of slowed down on her farm, which is currently in winter, and she's kind of indecisive about whether she wants to marry Harvey or Abigail.
Stranger writer Sydney Brownstone moreover regrets that she bought four chickens, but just one rabbit and duck, for her Deluxe Coop on her farm in Stardew Valley. The chickens are high maintenance and produce a lot of eggs that Ms. Brownstone doesn't know what to do with, but now she feels guilty about the prospect of selling the chickens back. If Ms. Brownstone married Shane from Stardew Valley, she thinks that maybe she could get rid of her chickens and he could just take care of his at her farm. This is maybe what she will do.
In the December 6 issue of The Stranger, in the film section, we ran a caption identifying Justin Timberlake and Kate Winslet in a promotional still from Woody Allen's latest movie. The caption erroneously had two periods at the end of the sentence. We regret Woody Allen.
Dan Savage, who writes The Stranger's long-running advice column Savage Love, does not regret deleting the nude photos of a prominent media figure that were sent to him more than a decade ago by an angry third party.
Stranger social media manager Chase Burns regrets telling someone on Grindr that he couldn't fuck them because he had to write an America's Next Top Model recap.
In a story about Seattle's newly passed soda tax, Heidi Groover, a news reporter at The Stranger, wrote that the five pumps of syrup that go into a 20 ounce Starbucks drink equals about 60 teaspoons of sugar. In fact, it's about six teaspoons of sugar. We regret the error.
Staff writer Amber Cortes regrets ever telling Nipper about the chicken wheel.
Stranger Things to Do staffer Joule Zelman regrets all the winters she wasted NOT going to the Dina Martina Christmas Show.
Sean Nelson, Stranger editor at large, regrets that whatever minuscule influence he might occasionally have on the viewing habits of Seattle filmgoers didn't translate to more people seeing Ana Lily Amirpour's dystopian horror film The Bad Batch, the most convincing portrayal of what America will be like for poor people if no one stops the Trump administration.
Stranger calendar director Jamie Reed regrets not including the very cool studio e gallery in the spring Seattle Art and Performance quarterly. Ms. Reed regrets accidentally skimming over their name when searching the list of places that had been told their events would be included in the calendar, and the fact that there is not unlimited space for calendar listings in print.
Christopher Frizzelle's love handles regret that "plant-based ice cream" shop Frankie & Jo's is only two blocks from The Stranger's offices.
Calendar staffer Julianne Bell spent $9 on a trendy savory miso oatmeal with kale and an egg for lunch one day. She regrets the error.
Stranger news editor Steven Hsieh's Taiwanese father regrets that his son went into journalism.
Stranger writer Rich Smith regrets ever saying a single fucking word about candy corn around editorial director Dan Savage.
Members of the Stranger Election Control Board born after 1980 regret that the majority of the board voted to endorse Cary Moon, a feckless campaigner with a weak message who never stood a chance against Jenny Durkan.
Members of the Stranger Election Control Board born before 1980 regret the millennials on the SECB.
The one member of the SECB born in 1980 regrets nothing.
In The Stranger's list of the top 10 albums of 2017, we said Kelela's LP was titled Take Me Away, when it is really called Take Me Apart. We regret the error and hope you managed to find and listen to it anyway.
Digital managing editor Leilani Polk flew out of town for a two-week break in 2017 and left her car parked facing Jackson Street, to the right of the sidewalk and the bus stop, instead of deeper into the lot where she regularly leaves it. Ms. Polk regrets the error, especially because she returned to find someone had keyed the hood.
Sean Nelson, Stranger editor at large, regrets that in all the online discussion about Kristen Roupenian's excellent New Yorker short story "Cat Person," no one seemed willing to address the story's most glaring double fallacy: (1) the premise that Red Vines aren't the best, and (2) that anyone who worked in a movie theater would not have sold them before, since they are, as previously mentioned, the best.
Stranger writer Sydney Brownstone, who became a bat mitzvah at age 13 and obtained a bachelor of arts in journalism at 21, regrets agreeing to an off-the-record interview with a white nationalist at a Young Republicans event at Donald Trump's inauguration.
Stranger music critic Dave Segal regrets that he didn't tell everyone in the world that the highly esteemed author Sherman Alexie sent him an e-mail to praise Mr. Segal's August 8 Slog post "Everything That's Wrong About the Atlantic's Prog-Rock Diss." "Thank you so much for that defense of prog rock," Alexie wrote. "It was funny, astute, and stuffed with EVIDENCE. It made me so nostalgic for arguments bolstered with evidence. Do you remember evidence? Yes, you must. Because you presented evidence. I might write a poem now called Ode to Evidence." This e-mail is the closest Mr. Segal will ever get to a Pulitzer Prize.
Charles Mudede, a longtime Stranger staffer, regrets that story that was all over social media in November with the headline "Dogs Are Twice as Smart as Cats, Says Brain Comparison Study." There is no way this can be true. Have you seen Mr. Mudede's cat? Her eyes? Her intensity? Have you seen Mr. Mudede's neighbor's dumb dog? Have you looked into its eyes? There is nothing there. Nothing.
Christopher Frizzelle, who was raised by right-wing religious military nuts to believe that he will burn in hell for eternity, regrets the latest movement among queer activists to strip white gay men of their right to identify as "queer." This new nonsensical way of dividing and excluding people within the queer community only became clear to him as he witnessed an online flame war over whether the new nightlife venue Queer/Bar should be allowed to call itself "queer" when its manager and co-owner is merely a cisgender white gay male. When Mr. Frizzelle asked a millennial why he is no longer allowed to self-identify as queer, the millennial responded in all earnestness that it's because white gay men are "rich." Mr. Frizzelle, who has spent thousands on therapy, in part to get over the way he was treated by his family, and in part to get over the sickening effects of online mobs of opinion-havers, is not rich, though he is queer, okay, assholes?
President Donald Trump regrets not accomplishing the one thing he really wanted to get done this year: getting his golf score below 90.
Gillian Anderson, copy chief of The Stranger, regrets how much she enjoys eating smoked salmon, because the endangered southern resident orcas in Puget Sound are starving, and salmon is the only thing they eat, and there aren't enough fish for them.
David Lynch regrets the fact that you still don't understand how Twin Peaks ends. Just kidding, he doesn't give a fuck.
The Stranger regrets men.