A Straight Guy's Guide to Not Raping People

Even if you think you already know what I’m going to say, just read this.

Comments

1

There's something really cute and sexy about a guy that asks "is it okay if I kiss you?" on a first date. I fucking love it.

Don't forget that consent can be withdrawn at any time, even if you're in the middle of doing the deed.

2

@1 - I'll never forget the girl in college who responded "well, I did." Life is such a crap shoot.

The only thing I'd add to this is if you get rejected, just remove yourself from the situation. Do it gracefully, tell her you think it's best if you separated for the evening and you'd love to see her again. This is infinitely better than going back to watching television hoping your dick doesn't explode. Most importantly it prevents you from pouting in front of her, guilt tripping her or worst: trying again.

The ONLY downside is that she may think you were only into her for the sex, but if you explain your point of view clearly she should be mature enough to understand it.

3

Wonder when Savage is going to come out with a Gay Men's Guide To Not Raping Men; and any other of these FUX Newsesque female entertainment writers going to write Women's Guide To Not Raping Men.

Males aren't the only sex that experiences rape. Males are raped as well, not only by other males, but females.

Rape data is skewed towards penetrative sex, which shows grossly inaccurate female rape data in relation to male rape data.

4

"Females aren't the only sex that experiences rape. Males are raped as well, not only by other males, but females."

There we go. All better now.

5

@3/4: Yes, as a CIS woman I also had this reaction while reading. Rape and sexual assault are not CIS-male-on-female things. And I'd like to say that NO ONE, drunk or not, of any gender, deserves to have genitals shoved in their face. That said, though, the sense of entitlement to sex seems (in my experience) greater among males.

6

@5 Or the sense of entitlement to sex is simply wielded differently between women and men.

7

@5 For example, we hear a lot about physical abuse, and it's typically framed male on female abuse. What we don't talk much about is how females tend to abuse males when there is abuse. Then you have to take into account it being more socially acceptable for women to acknowledge abuse than for men.

Looking at data gives us an idea of what's going on, but ti doesn't give us a full picture. Females and males definitely experience abuse is similar ways, but they also experience, and express abuse in different ways.

I have watched women emotionally abuse men, severely. But the response isn't the same as when a man smacks a woman across the face.

Messing with a man's sexual drive is a form of sexual abuse IMO. Leading a man down the path of sexual stimulation then abruptly ending the interaction can be abusive. It's similar to a man showing a woman affection, then treating her like shit. It's a emotionally abusive game, and women certainly play it, just like men emotionally abuse women in their own way.

There's two sides to all of this, and Leftist dogma would have you believe it's coming from the male side only, when it's clearly not.

8

We need someone to write a reverse semi-Lysistrata in which OS men simply refuse to make the first move.

9

There is also male on male physical abuse though not necessarily sexual. The thing is as a society nobody really cares. Men are pretty much left to fend for themselves. Sometimes abuse hits pretty hard especially on young men and especially boys. That might help to explain some of these school shootings.

11

I'm interested in opinions on where you draw the line on drunk. I'm only talking about about adult women who choose to drink and subsequently consent. Obviously if she's unconscious or falling down drunk, she's unable to consent. But if a man gets drunk, he's legally and morally responsible for what he does even if he wouldn't have done it if he was sober. If a woman gets drunk, she's legally and morally responsible for what she does even if she wouldn't have done it if she was sober.

We all know that drinking reduces inhibitions. That's one of the reasons that men and women do it. I don't want to be abusive and I don't want to be sexist. But I do want to get laid.

Any thoughts about this potentially piggish point of view?

12

@11 It's not a piggish point of view, and your questions and concerns are legit.

Women are just as capable of being responsible for their behavior as men, which includes getting drunk, and deciding to have sex.

If the argument is that a man and woman get drunk and have sex with one another both of them committed rape, then we can have that discussion. If it's the man raped, and the woman didn't consent, then there's nothing to talk about because you're simply wrong.

13

Rich, you’re great. I love you. Lots of great stuff here.

Can I please ask a favor from you and all of us who are fighting against toxic masculinity? Can we stop using “rape” as a catchall phrase to mean rape, sexual assault, and stalking? They aren’t the same, legally or socially. And when we conflate them all as “rape” we are opening ourselves up to attacks from the rape apologists that weaken our message.

Thanks for considering this suggestion.

14

So... admission time.

I had sex with a drunk girl. She woke me up at 3am, crawled on top of me, utterly wasted (I was less than sober, but nothing close to as drunk as she was), and demanded I have sex with her. I'm a straight man. I obliged. I could have said no but rejecting a woman is not something I'm always brave enough to do, and I was very into her. I worry that, if I ever achieve a level of notoriety, that this story will "come out". And it would look very bad for me, regardless of the truth.

I firmly believe (and will continue to believe) I did nothing wrong; I didn't even take off my own clothes for myself. But I can be sure that, if the story would become public, everyone would believe her version of events: She was drunk, (more or less blackout drunk) and awoke to me have sex with her. She wouldn't even be misrepresenting the truth. Evidence that we were together that night would be relatively easy to put together. We had a fine relationship subsequent to that, we're still friends now, and I have little reason to suspect she has any motivation to "get back" at me. But, you know, she could tell this story and there are any number of activist types who could convince her that she'd been raped. She might come forward out of a sense of obligation to women who were afraid to come forward. Who knows.

How do I protect myself when it feels like I have to be responsible for other people's bodies, choices, and actions and not just my own? it's easy not to threaten someone, to not put drugs in a drink, to accept no for an answer. But this?

Readers: What would it take for you to discount my partners version of events?

15

@14 If she's sober enough to wake you up and demand sex, I guess that she's sober enough to consent. I doubt most "activist types" would think of this as rape. Certainly your partner wouldn't see it that way.

16

14: OK, that clears things up. You're mocking Dr. Ford because you're convinced this encounter with this woman is the shoe that will drop in your life unless Kavanaugh is confirmed. Let it go...what you're describing has nothing in common with what Kavanaugh stands accused of doing.

18

I've never trusted straight men.

19

Well since we are putting all straight men into rapist category, here is another generalisation; "Muslim men's guide to not raping women, stoning women to death, and marrying children".

20

@16 it's a stone cold true story, happened in 2011 or 2012. It has no bearing on Ford or Kavanaugh. I literally worry in today's climate that that could come back to haunt me. Yes, I worry that the "other shoe" will drop. What would you feel in the same scenario? What would you do going forward?

21

Isn't this article "Hate Speech" by lefties' standards? Ohhhh! Double standards, I forgot. Hypocritical generalisations and "hate speech" does not apply to the left when hatefully speaking about people on the basis of their sexual orientation. How convenient.

22

A lot of angry straight men on here.

23

@22 Kinda like Bill Cosby?

24

@23 Kinda like you?

25

@24 Nah, just have perspective. My stepdad did 8 years for sexually abusing my sisters, and I when we were young. Guess how he was found guilty. We testified against him.

All I hear are excuses. If something happened to you, say something in a timely manner, and press charge. Or wait 35 years. Even in 35 years there will be people even like myself who still want to see proof.

Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

26

Good article Rich. We sent it to our 18yo boy. I can now somewhat forgive you for your erroneous stance on candy corn.

27

@15: You haven't met the activist types I have. A great many hold that having sex with someone whose judgment is impaired by alcohol and who might regret their actions the next morning is tantamount to rape. Such types stick to that narrative even if the drunk in question was perfectly coherent, ambulatory, the initiatior, and coordinated enough to remove clothing and ride the other.

28

@25 want a cookie for all that willpower that makes you better than victims who are afraid to report?

29

Let's see the article going over the Rules of Evidence, the standards for guilty verdicts criminal cases, and how to preserve that evidence if you are sexually assaulted. THAT would be useful as well. You can't use the system against any criminal unless the evidence is solid enough for the case to go forward.

30

@28 Never said I was better. Definitely prefer to see my attacker behind bars then on the streets attacking other people.

Fear is natural.

@29 Evidence? That's so not 2018. Mere accusations should be enough evidence. Right?

31

Good article! I think you just missed one step in the process: CONTRACEPTION. This is something that, in my experience, men tend not to think about in the hope to have sex without a condom. I think that's also part of mutual respect and both should worry about it reminding each other that it is very important.

32

@28 But you're OK with the life devastation and ruin the victims experience if there's no physical evidence for the assault? Good to know. Rapists just need to use physical threats and wear a condom. Got it. PTSD, fucked up personal relationships and 20 years of paying out of pocket for therapy? Fully OK when the perpetrators are smart or lucky evidence-wise. That's FUBAR. In your world assault without witnesses or semen from a rape kit means the victims just get to suck it up and must stay silent cuz it must've been their fault. The fact that false reporting is repeatedly - let me emphasize this word - repeatedly found to be at or below the false reporting for any crime. But apparently rape is somehow different in your world. Your way denies the event unless you witnessed it. Your way means most women will continue to not report https://www.rainn.org/statistics/criminal-justice-system since most feel they wouldn't be believed. You're proof. If your sister were raped without evidence, you're saying she better not say anything -not speak up- that could affect the rapist's reputation and that her well being doesn't mean shit to you. Yeah, that's supportive.

33

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oQbei5JGiT8 Best simple consent explanation yet. Works for all genders and power structures.

34

Sarasmackdown - By your own yardstick if your step-dad had preyed instead on a young only-child he'd still be walking around free. Whee

35

Bless your heart and soul, Rich! Very well said. I agree with Niki (@31) that advice on contraception would be good to add.
@22: I noticed that too.

36

I don't see the need for an article like this. I don't think that there's any reason to tell the 99.9% of men who don't force sex on women that they shouldn't force sex on women.

37

True dat @36. It's just more virtue signaling. Rich probably wrote it so he could get some.

38

@36 & @37: Or is it because neither of you is getting any?