Excellent advice all around! My only quibble is "hormonal birth control—it's the easiest and most effective way to ensure your continued fruitlessness. The pill is easy ..."

Most women's healthcare providers will tell you that LARCs (long-acting reversible contraceptives) are the best option for most women, not once-a-day pills. The pill requires daily effort and regular refills, while a single foolproof LARC will get the job done for years and are vastly more effective than the pill. There are IUDs (the hormonal version has the benefit of often lessening or stopping periods all together, while the copper version lasts for more than ten years) and hormonal implants, and most healthcare plans cover 100 percent of the cost (they would be silly not do, since contraception is MUCH cheaper than childbirth). If not -- or if you're still on your parent's healthcare plan and don't want them to know -- Planned Parenthood can help. LARCs baby! LARCs for peace of mind!

"9. You're pregnant, now what?

Having a child is no joke. Trust me, I have a 1-year-old."

Dude. Awesomesauce, all the way round.
Thank you.

I guess I was one of those rare college-age dudes who did care about her having an orgasm. But looking back nearly 20 years later, I've realized that there was no possible way that what I was doing could possible have made them come. They were no doubt faking so I would just STFU and we could both just go to sleep.

I'm gonna take Dan Savage's advice right out of his mouth: Don't do that, ladies. Please. If you're dealing with a fumbling, clumsy goof, just tell him what he's doing wrong. Don't fake it.

Excellent advice, Leilani! My only disagreement is with recommending the use of hormonal birth control. Contraceptives are highly advisable, but be careful about the possible side effects from The Pill. Proceed with caution. I was once on Ortho-Novum 777 way back in my U.S. Navy days, and the side effects were nasty: my blood pressure skyrocketed and I packed on unwanted weight gain.
@4 Mikara and @6 MrB: Bless you both.

Your birth control advice is so bad. LARC's first and foremost - in combination with condoms.