A Stoner's Guide to Orbeez, the Magical Toy Taking Over the World

I got high and ordered 90,000 brightly colored little balls. Then I couldn't get them out of my apartment.

Comments

1

Salmon are gonna LOVE 'em!

2

Wait a minute -- you posted this In The Future?!
Well done!

3

Probably too much moisture for orchids, maybe perfect for a succulent, though?

4

@3 True! I'm still not sure how quickly they release their moisture next to plant roots. I'll try it with one of my sad orchids first.

5

They look like they’d be good for the environment. Chuck ‘em in the sea.
Brill!

6

Next time the stranger writes an article about how expensive life is in seattle, remember these beads. Maybe they should write an article on all the useless things you can spend your money on besides saving it.

7

Some read "The Cat in the Hat Comes Back" as a warning. Others, as an inspiration....

8

@7 oobleck, perhaps?

I gotta be Annoying Parental Figure here and ask, what do these do after you put them in the landfill? Do they keep consuming all that space?

I'm not a general germphobe but keeping these moist little microbe farms around all covered with butt germs is freaking me out.

FYI they do shrink back down (at least agricultural polyacrylamide does) if you keep the humidity low and the air moving, i.e. not Seattle winter.

9

Great, new toys that will end up being dumped in the ocean to kill turtles and whales! What good is it to ban straws when shit like this keep getting promoted?

10

Never flush them down the drain as it results in clogs, but apparently they're compostable.

11

Fantastic article. Stoner stuff like this is my favorite part of The Stranger. And what @3 said - no way this will work for orchids.

12

Sounds like hagfish slime https://phys.org/news/2019-01-unraveling-threads-bizarre-hagfish-explosive.html

13

I had never heard of Orbeez but I have purchased polymer grains to add to my potting soil. It keeps the soil moist so you don't have to water so often. The videos I watched (90 million in a swimming pool) of these showed them disintegrating when hit with golf clubs and baseball bats. And from what I gather they revert to small "seeds" when you let them dry out. The video I saw said they shrink when salt is added to the water.

14

Wait, were there two pools? How did you take an empty pool to the club? What happened to all the balls in them? (I know some were in a suitcase)

15

@14 I took a suitcase full and put the extras in my tub. They filled my whole tub! Then returned them all back to the pool once I got back home. Lots of scooping.