@2 Useful info you've plagiarized from, http://www.thepositivemind.com/poetry/aboutpainanddullnessarticle.html

Good on the subject for realizing she'd found a 7% Solution. Otherwise, though, I don't think I'd want anyone I liked to be dating her.

One of the great tragedies of modern dating is the narrative that when breaking up, your beloved must now become ex-communicated at best, or your new enemy at worst. We're told that we must "block your ex" and delete all of the shared memories we've had. This is not necessary, and I think it might actually be more harmful in the long run.

Let me tell my most recent break-up story, not to brag but to present an alternative example for getting through a break-up without added disaster. I had been dating my girlfriend for almost 7 years in the summer of 2018, and we'd been living together for 5 of those years. She went to a week-long workshop and met a guy there who she clicked with right away. This catalyzed a shift in her, and two weeks later she told me she wanted to end our relationship.

I was blindsided and heart-broken. She argued her case for moving on, and I resisted initially but came to see the wisdom and logic in her choice and came to accept it. I was still writhing in in a hallucinatory hellscape of pain, but here's where we did things differently. We didn't shut each other out, we didn't heft all of the blame for the failed relationship on the other person. We talked, we listened to each other, and we were kind. Although Herzog claims that "the person you're used to taking care of you—is the one person you can't turn to for solace", this is not a truism and a healthy break-up can entertain the notion that yes, you can still take care of each other despite the pain. That is, if you're willing to be mature and realistic with your feelings.

We had planned a camping trip at the end of summer to celebrate our 7-year anniversary and these plans were understandably shaky. But we went anyway, to celebrate the 7 loving years we spent together and commemorate and ritualize the end of the relationship. We cried a lot, and it was beautiful. Our lease was up at the end up the year, and you know what? We renewed it and lived together for another 8 months in relative harmony. We had boundaries - she wouldn't bring her new partner to our home when I was there. We shared a bed but did not have sex. I had an opportunity to move into a shared house with some friends and took it when the time was right, and we helped each other move.

It's been over a year and a half now. The heart-break healed naturally- and I'm confident that it healed well because we helped each other through things, rather than totally severing each other from our lives. I never had to "delete the photos and texts" because this is my history, and scrubbing my history does nothing to remind me of the life I've lived. We're still close friends and we're there for each other.

Heart-break does not need to be traumatic. The trauma really comes from how we deal with it and treat each other. If you're willing to be present with the pain, it can be a powerful opportunity for transformation.

@1: I wondered that too. Maybe she wanted someone from out of town so she didn't run the risk of running into them at the QFC?

I personally have never subscribed to the excise your ex school of thought. I am still at least cordial with pretty much everyone I've ever dated, which is one of the reasons I have so many valentines to make. :)
For me, it just seemed like they were still the same people that I fell in love with and none of their good qualities disappeared just because we weren't together anymore, so after the pain subsided I always tried to stay friends with them, (but of course only if that worked for them too).

File with this with a whole genre's worth of 'Eat, Pray, Love' stories where affluent female protagonists soften the pain of heartbreak by engaging in jet-setting lifestyle tourism. Unlike poor people, who just endure misery for no good reason, when rich people get divorced it's just another fabulous opportunity to Find Themselves. Secret knowledge will be gained! Barriers to self-actualization will be overcome! Abs will be toned!

Sound too good to be true? Take heart! For a mere $200, you too can share in her hard-won insights. But a word of caution: If you don't think you're the kind of person who can throw down $200 on a dubious self-help book, then you're definitely not the kind of person who can afford the exotic and life-altering cures for sadness proffered within.