In Which I Imagine Having a Sweet-Ass Rack

Seriously, What Would It Be Like to Have Huge Breasts?

Comments

1
You forgot to mention the rash you regularly get beneath your enormous breasts, because that's where the sweat likes to congregate. And how you have to run home to change and clean up immediately after exercising in a vain attempt to avoid this rash -- no sitting around in a sweaty sports bra for you! (By the way, dear, there's no reason you should be swinging while you jog if you're wearing a Moving Comfort bra.) And then there's the inability to wear anything cute without planning your bra strategy. Oh yes, it's such a treat. You should get a boob job.
2
Oh yes, the joys of having big boobs. Let's see...

-- Hard to find clothes that fit well or look as they're meant to. Clothing designers like flat-chested women.

-- Any weight gain will show immediately and be much more obvious. If you're big-chested and a little overweight, you'll look a lot overweight. If you're a lot overweight, you'll look enormous. Don't know how much this applies to fake ones, though.

-- Hope you're not a big fan of jogging. Or jumping. Or stairs.

-- Did I mention the back problems?
3
When I was a teenager, and about 30 pounds heavier, I had D cups. They did nothing for my self-esteem, if anything I was more self-conscious. I wasn't given any special privileges, except getting nasty comments from creepy guys that I was too young to know how to defend myself against. I wore T-Shirts, because anything with style gave me major cleavage and would distract everybody, most of all myself.

I've slimmed up a lot and now I'm extremely happy at size B. It's much easier to be active and wear nice tops. More than a handful is a waste, says my husband. If only I could do something about how elastic the skin is now, grr.
4
If there's one thing I've learned from this week, its that we shouldn't objectify boobs.
5
I've had large breasts since I was 13. Major creepage. As a 15 year old, my boyfriend's father groping me and asked "Are these real"? Lots and lots of leering and shouted out obscenities. The knowledge that no matter what you wear, or how you present yourself the first thing anyone notices is your chest. Ironically most of my serious boyfriends have preferred small-busted women. Worse were the dates that made it clear my tits were the one thing about me that interested them.
6
If you were born with two 8-pound boobs, you would've smothered under the weight, and your mother would've exploded.
7
Big boobs are more of a headache than something fun, forget wearing cute tops, dresses, going braless. Running is no fun, riding a bicycle in any form fitting top, and the attention from creepy men is certainly not fun.

Of course we always want what we don't have.
8
Your breastes math and the corresponding volume equivalents you use are way, way off Shirley. A US GALLON of water is approx 8.3 lbs. The exterior portion of DD cup breast is a ratio. Unless you are a 7 foot tall woman a DD cup breast is a relative fraction of a US gallon. Even on a 6 foot tall woman a DD breast would be around 2 lbs each at best.

So no, it's not 16 lbs.
9
Man, it's amazing to me how breasts affect everything. I went from being flat chested to a DD at 13, when I was still a size 5. I felt like Dolly Parton and did my best to hide them under baggy t-shirts. I was constantly the object of commentary.

I'm older now, and a bit plumper for sure. I'm sporting G's. I don't have back problems, I look great in a corset (if and when I ever wear one). I'm not really a fan of jogging, as having to wear not one, but two expensive sports bras to make the experience remotely comfortable... really not on my highlights list. I do like to run, just... it requires preparation to a degree that I'm not prepared for most of the time.

Going swimming is fantastic. I remember the first time I decided to swim topless, my tits pretty much kept me afloat (in saltwater). They just floated to the top. So big tits look pretty awesome in water.

On the rare occasion I am baring cleavage (intentional or no), it can be either really awesome or really creepy. I don't mind the lecherous appreciation from someone I actually want to sleep with, but when it comes from strangers... not as awesome.

Also, I have been fondled rudely and painfully by more women then men. Women seem to not believe that my breasts are real. I've been groped while dining at a restaurant more than once, by some rich bitch that couldn't fathom I grew these myself.
10
@5: YEP. So much unwanted attention from people older than my own dad starting at like, age 13, when I hit my first D.
11
Just after an article about misogyny at the oscars or something... about as focused a trajectory as FOX news anchors.
12

At 15 I went from training bra to DD seemingly overnight-as a tomboy nothing will every prepare a girl for that kind of shock. Now I am a size 4 wearing a 30G and even though I accept and love my curves it sure makes shopping a real bitch.
The internetz is nearly your only option and oddly enough England produces the most "petite full busted" items. Trying to balance something that fits well and doesn't make you look big all over but doesn't completely blind all that come in contact with your cleave is an art!
Bottom line, Im not in the market for a reduction but sometimes I'd like to know what it must be like not to wear a bra all the time...
13
This article is oddly absent of first-person experimentation.
14
As a former stripper (with small boobs) I suggest you go swing around a pole a couple of nights a week for about six months to a year. You will realize that men of all types like boobs of all types - very, very few are locked in to a one size fetish.

And, you will also realize that boobs do not make the woman, no matter how much hollywood and others would like you to think that so you will buy stupid boob enhancing clothing/accessories.
15
@2 SandraL: Thank you--I was just going to say exactly that!
Luckily, stairs aren't a problem for me, however, and are beneficial in my apartment building for cardiovascular exercise.

I can certainly relate to experiencing unwanted attention from men old enough to be my father's or grandfather's ages, and really creepy boys in junior and senior high school!

Thankfully, with exercise and a diet change for the better I've lost some weight and inches (primarily my former Buddha belly). now, if I could just do something about my spaghetti arms....?
16
I read this article with thinking that maybe The Stranger actually took a legitimate jab at the struggle society has in regards to breasts.

I figured it would have information about implant pricing, the different types of implants/methods of surgery, breast REDUCTION information, (because oversized breasts cause back problems) some sort of statistics in regards to the effects having larger breasts have on womens employment, a case study/pyschological reference to confidence... SOMETHING.

Nope. Instead the author poked fun at the topic, using "a keen ability to estimate mass via google image search" and writing nothing but speculation. The closest thing to fact is, "an extra 16 lbs now on my frame" which she continued to denote by comparing the weight to burritos.

This is a fluff article. 10 points deduced Stranger.
17
There are very few advantages to big boobs. Like everyone else has said, you can't easily run/jump/climb stairs. Also forget yoga, as they will inevitably end up getting in your way. Want to tie your shoes? good luck seeing them over your massive boobs, which, along with your knee, will make this difficult. You look fatter than you are, strangers ask you if they are fake and bras mostly only come in dull "full figured" colors like beige, black and white with enormous straps across the back. Forget going braless in public, or anywhere, really. Gravity works faster on big boobs, and they will only be perky when in harness. Add not being able to lay/sleep comfortably on your stomach, terrible back pain while washing dishes (and in general), the fact that any shirt that isn't a turtleneck makes you look like you're an exhibitionist and all other shirts are too short because the fabric is all used up covering your boobs so you constantly have to pull up/down to make sure you're not popping out. I could go on forever. I would trade in my giant boobs for a flat chest just about any day of the week. Besides, if someone's just interested in you for your rack, do you really want to date them anyway (homeless wanker or otherwise)?
18
This article seems to conflate "A Sweet-Ass Rack" with "Huge Breasts", which are not the same things, exactly, although the venn diagram overlaps so much that I can't even come up with a solid set of tits jokes about it.
19
Having big boobs has not been easy. The ridicule in high school. The shame in college. Having to dress in baggy clothes. It was tough. But I'm dude so maybe that's different.
20
As a 34 DDD, I would just like to say that I don't find it flattering to have perfect strangers staring at my tits. I don't care if the homeless guy thing was a joke - it's not funny. Just because my body is shaped a certain way doesn't mean that everyone gets a free pass to ogle it.
Also, I hope imaginary you never liked button-down shirts, because forget EVER wearing one again that wasn't custom tailored.
21
Try four years of high school with a size 0 frame and DDD tits. NOT FUN.
22
@21: You and all size D+ commentators have my deepest heartfelt sympathy.
WHY do so many men and boys think we WANT mean-spirited crap like that?

I'm V-shaped with broad shoulders, and ended up with not only the height but the boobs in my family. Growing up with a small-framed, small breasted mother and cute, little cheerleader sisters who had no problem with getting dates was awkward as hell. I kept getting cruelly compared to the three of them, and have been unfairly called "fat" for most of my life because of my large bone structure. I couldn't wait for high school to be over.
23
As a man who likes women, I equate big breasts to sprinkles on a cupcake. Sure it looks nice, but even without them you've still got plenty going for you. It's for show, but it really doesn't matter. I've dated women with big and small breasts, and I didn't really care either way. I'd be lying if I said I don't notice them, but it ranks so far down the list of things I'd look for as far as female attractiveness.

Most of my male friends don't really seem to care that much either. If small breasts are a deal breaker for a guy, chances are he's probably a D-bag anyways so look at it as a good way to weed them out.
24
Yeah, big boobs definitely have their ups and downs (sorry bad pun). I didn't become a D/DD (depending on where my weight is) until I was a little older (late teens) and I definitely noticed a difference in terms of the daily leering and crass comments. Seriously, guys, miming the way my boobs bounce when I move is humiliating. Especially on top of the unsolicited groping and hugging.

Then again, being 5'11 with big boobs always made me self conscious, and feel a lot larger than shorter, petite girls. I wonder if I lost 20 pounds or so (I am curvy, not thin but not noticeably overweight), if I would miss them? I have a feeling I would despite the harassment. Although, I constantly see guys my height or taller going for tiny girls. Not to begrudge them, but it does occasionally make me wish I could trade in my tall hourglass figure...

Also, not all big boobs are created equal in the sag department. Some do defy gravity better.
25
I cannot tell enough women that my only regret in regards to my breast reduction is that I didn't do it sooner. I'm 25. Your life will change completely. If it is financially feasible (check your insurance too), do it.
26
It's not the size of the breasts that I'm attracted to, it's their shape and how proportional they are to the rest of a woman's body. I've generally preferred smaller, even really small, boobs. mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
27
Over the course of the past 10 years I've gone from a D to a G, thanks to various reasons (mainly breastfeeding and a weight gain/loss cycle, but just getting older figures in there too), and I am still bemoaning the first set of vintage clothes I gave away because I out-chested them (I've gone through two more iterations of this since that first painful separation).

I've gone from being able to walk into pretty much any store and buy a nice frilly feminine looking bra to going to Nordstroms and asking "Do you have anything that won't make me feel like a grandmother that's under $75?" And there's no thing as an exercise bra that keeps me from bobbling painfully if I try to do anything other than moderately fast walking.

I like to imagine how things will be when and if I finally get to the point where I can talk my insurance company into a reduction, skipping the years in between then and now where they gain a few more cup sizes and I get all the "joys" that go with it.
28
Thanks, Shirley. Though I was hoping you'd go back to food blogging.
29
A woman without boobs is scary. No one wants to make love to a stickfigure. I would rather date a big girl with boobs than a fit flatchested chick.
30
@dbv--talk to them now. With mine, it didn't matter your age, just that you had 'proof' of health issues (I had years of going to the chiropractor and acupuncture for boob-related injuries). Mine also had a 'minimum tissue removal', which was about 2 pounds of tissue removed per breast. Which seems like a lot (and it is), but I am still a DD.
31
I wonder what type of women's bodies arouse or disgust random men on the Internet? If only they would be so kind enough to say once in a while.
32
I have had an ample C cup since 5th grade...and I love em. The universe gave me great tits and a goofy looking face. I can work w/ that.
When teased in 5th grade by a chubby kid (named Mark Hansen, who chanted
"44 Double D" at me, I laughed and replied " whatever...yours are bigger than mine".
I knew then that boobs were awesome...and would serve me well. Thanks, boobs!
33
I love boobs a lot.

We all love boobs a lot.

And big boobs, a big lot.
34
No Ma'm- you do not want large boobs. My first wife looked exactly like Linda Carter but wanted sex with everyone. Like a sports car, every guy wanted to ride it- and she required a lot of cash, and a great deal of maintance. Now my 3rd wife isn't a sporty, nor is she a truck. She's like a Camray- starts every time, reliable, even if she looks like a brick. Better to have a brick than a pain in the ass.
35
Gotta love the subtle misogyny and overt objectification from my fellow male commenters.

Hey, ladies - we're totally jerking off to your big boob sob stories. Your tears just us harder.
36
Ah, you made the breast implant failure rate up like everything else! I was thinking 'That's an insane failure rate!'.
37
If a woman has a nice body most guys don't care about breasts. A hard, flat stomach with medium to large boobs is ideal. If a girl is in good shape then small boobs are a non-issue to me, although lots of "flatter" girls have seemed self-conscious about the issue to me. Girls with larger breasts often treat them like they've done something right, which is usually compensation for them weighing more than they should. I can only think of a handful, pun untended, of girls I know who are a healthy weight that had extremely disproportionate breasts. The crackhead body type grosses out most guys, as does a large Bobandy stomach acting as a perch for large saggy boobs. One thing all guys can agree on is that fat chicks with no boobs are gross, you look like a giant egg ladies.
38
I have an average chest (36C) but I have heard so much backlash against big breast praise over the years that I've come to loathe my own. Entire threads about how so many men PREFER a very small chest. About how many women are so happy they can exercise, sleep on their bellies, etc etc with ease. It actually made me sad to see people lifting up one group of people while trying to put down another. Sort of like the "real women have curves" mantra. It's super shitty to me (even as a bit overweight) to hear people put down skinny women in order to lift up larger women. Can't that be done without disparaging thin women?

Can't people appreciate a slimmer body type, smaller boobs without making women with bigger boobs feel like they're now inadequate? I know large breasts have been held up by society as desirable. But I feel like fewer women end up feeling better because of that than women who are just made uncomfortable by the focus on their and others' cleavage.

Even with an average or so chest, I was painfully shy and uncomfortable in my skin as a youth. I realize this is not a unique situation. But it was so acutely felt. And the last thing I wanted was any kind of attention. Even today I still get bummed every time I come across a discussion about flat chests and everybody seems to be playing up all the benefits. Hey, I don't get any of those even without a super large bust. Running is a pain in the ass, clothes fit weirdly, and they attract just enough attention to make me uncomfortable.

Today, I would choose a cute flat chest over the slightly-odd-shaped large-ish breasts I have now. My boyfriend would argue with me, but it ultimately doesn't matter what he thinks. It comes down to what I think and how I feel about my body. And I'm still mostly uncomfortable ::sigh::
39
@25: Where did you have your breast reduction surgery done? I'm seriously considering it if it's not too expensive. Unfortunately, most procedures are.

@35 Doofus McScumbag: Trolls like you are why I'm so glad I lost interest in dating years ago, and don't miss it.
40
is is strange to want a motorboat? I do feel cheated somehow...
41
and these dudes telling us what their ideals are with a female body is grody to the max. So glad I'm a woman and don't walk around d constantly judging things about the opposite sex about which they have no control over.
42
Breasts are like ice cream cones. Regardless of the size, they're delicious to lick.
43
The most beautiful breasts in the world are the ones Mother Nature gave you. Fake ones just look stupid, in spite of what Hugh Hefner likes.
44
@43, amen. I'd rather have anything real. I can't imagine the attention fake ones get is positive. Guys can be gross, and I feel terrible for a 13 year-old who had to endure attention from gross old guys.
45
I have to say that the whole big boobs thing is way overblown. Fake boobs look like crap, and big ones are pretty nasty looking in a few years. Most guys I talk to would rather focus on a woman who is in fairly good shape, and not a disgusting fatty. Fat women (or men) show the world that they don't respect themselves enough to stay healthy, and that is the biggest turnoff of all...
46
I have to say that the whole big boobs thing is way overblown. Fake boobs look like crap, and big ones are pretty nasty looking in a few years. Most guys I talk to would rather focus on a woman who is in fairly good shape, and not a disgusting fatty. Fat women (or men) show the world that they don't respect themselves enough (or are too lazy) to stay healthy, and that is the biggest turnoff of all...
47
I think you should take this idea further. I believe it would lead to a additional article or three if you do follow through on it. I read about a company that makes molds for women and some men but mainly for women to see how certain surgeries would affect their bodies. The point is you could actually try out a sweet ass rack for a few days or a week at your luxury and have a more defining experience without actually any cutting taking place on any skin. Working in the industry you do it should be possible to find the right special effects person who can do the mold and mockup or know someone that can. A simple breast mold and supporting "skin" any size you see fit. Try more than one. It would look realistic and would feel completely natural.Blended in with soft and natural materials.
Do this. You know you want to. It could spawn a few articles and a few you tube videos.

I know whoever did the special effects for that episode of Sons of Anarchy where the transexual was played by the bad guy Boyd Crowder from the show Justified , did and amazing job on his boob work and over all look.
You should look into it. It wouldn't take long and I bet it would be fun and insightful.
48
I had a reduction about 15 years ago. I should have done it before, but I didn't realize that insurance would pay for it. ( I also was well past having any more children)
I was about a DD+ at the time & told my Dr I didn't want to have to wear a bra ever again!
She did leave more than that on, & I swear that some must have grown back because I am still a DD, but it is so much better than it was.
( I also still really don't need to wear a bra other than those tank tops with elastic.
It is fabulous)
I wish I had known in high school that I wouldn't have to go through life with boobs that were too big for my body.
49
john in Ballard does have it right. A big advantage to bring 34B is indeed the ability to weed out dbags.
50
I miss Lindy West and articles by women in the stranger that were BODY POSITIVE. This article just feeds into the idea that women are objects, objects that can be broken down into more objects for men to jerk off too. I love the stranger, but wow, i like it a lot less seeing this article as the main feature.
51
This comment section is where all the chicks with big tits congregate. Yum yum.
52
@50 "This article just feeds into the idea that women are objects, objects that can be broken down into more objects for men to jerk off too."

For most people in the street, you are exactly an object, perhaps one of desire, derision, disgust, empathy or just one that needs to get the fuck out of the way, lady, I am busy doing my people shit here in the streets...

The point being, that this limited perception of you, expresses a limit in those perceiving you, and should not enforce a limit in or upon you. In fact, for most of these limited interactions, those limitations to the extent they are imposed are self-imposed.

Your perception of these men, reducing you to only a sexual object and merely a collection of sex parts, even correctly, is a reduction of them, at least in your internal estimation, into objects themselves. Please note that I don't mean this as an excuse or a rebuke, but merely as an acknowledgement that most of the population of the world is simply a collection of objects to each of us.

For the most part, this shouldn't be a problem unless if the interaction is prolonged but does include the increasing recognition of the multiple facets, wider field of meaning and shared person-hood of those people involved.
53
lol I'm in the same flat chested, puzzled/fascinated boat. I imagine it must be like carrying around like this magical baby bjorn of flesh on my chest that results in a male attention tractor beam. It's really annoying to be doing the best with the charms you have only to have a rack walk into a half mile radius and any man you're talking to react like the "squirrel" dog from UP...but I imagine having the magical "squirrel" attention diverting power grows old really quickly.
54
@ 38 Welcome to how I've felt pretty much every day of my life. I assure you that small preference is still a minority and the fact that they speak up every now and then is pretty much the only way I can work up the body confidence to be physically intimate. It's sad that 1) women are pressured to stake so much of their self worth in their bodies 2) that body type diversity can't be celebrated without body bashing. I aggressively envy the way a full bouncy chest looks and the positive attention it gets. But I also like the way mine look and the logistical ease and portability of them. It's about time everyone stopped snarking and just celebrated the positive advantages of all of the tatas.
55
I would just like to point out that while we may be compelled, as a moth to the flame, to check out heaving bosoms, we usually have the decency to merely get a quick glimpse, and typically do not start drooling all over ourselves.
56
@39-I actually had it back in Arizona where I'm from at the Mayo Clinic. It was kind of ridiculous (as most healthcare related things are), where I had it while I was visiting my parents for Christmas. They gave me the option of having it Dec 31, for $8k (pre-insurance rate), or Jan 1 for $25k because the prices were increasing with the new year. That was almost 5 years ago though, so I'm unsure of the costs now.
57
Was this ramble planned before Sunday, or is this an attempt to get back at Seth MacFarlane by making boobs boring?

Experiment for back pain sufferers: try regular kayaking. Done right (don't lean back on the seat, sit up tall and do the stroke mostly by twisting from your waist and pulling back with your shoulder, minimize sawing with your arms), paddling mostly trains the muscles of your upper back and abdominal obliques.

I am not an orthopedist, but it's worth a shot. Can't hurt to minimize those slumped shoulders...
58
Oh, and you won't be doing any bouncing while sitting in a boat! So that's a plus.

Also, no drooling guys are likely to be half a mile off-shore.
59
Meh. I'm a leg man.
60
So you couldn't have just like, asked one of us who has them what it's like? Or a brace of us? This really seems like a blog entry when it could have been an actual article.
61
I mean, at least you brought out a bunch of gross men to talk about how this affects THEM and what THEY want from women for all the world to see.
62
@61 Actually, every comment to which you're objecting was written by a lesbian.*

Now, I agree that a think piece on having huge breasts could and perhaps should be a safe place for women to discuss exactly that, but you can not have a "Sweet-Ass Rack" without the admiring (not necessarily male) gaze.

It does seem that you are faulting Shirley Hendrickson, and I guess rightly to your way of thinking, but if the admiring gaze is required (for the aforementioned "Sweet-Ass Rack"), why are you labeling those providing it as gross (or male)?

*Okay. Probably not.**

**By which I mean clearly not.
63
Sorry, this is such a stupid topic for an article. I am ashamed that a woman would write about "boobs as a defining characteristic of women." Grow up and stop letting chauvinist pigs brain-wash you into buying into such an immature POV. We worked so hard for decades so women would have equal pay for equal work and be taken seriously no matter what profession you wanted to practice, and this is what you do with it?
64
Just One Question: Which drunk stranger editor accidentally greelighted this highschool-level free-association exercise? You can't say much for the quality of the content, but at least its all spelled correctly!
65
@34 - wow, your third wife is a very lucky woman.

anywho, whatever our physical attributes or station in life, we all experience angst growing up, and its impossible to rate one kind of angst over the other. boobs too big, not big enough. penis too big too small. too tall. too short. too skinny too heavy. funny nose. funny shaped arse. flat ass. the list goes on. other than a bit of public therapy, i dont know what the purpose of this article is.
66
Seriously this is the lead article? And it is only one page at that? Who cares? I mean, really?
67
I'm considering a breast reduction because my triple d's hurt, don't really match my 125 pound, 5'5 body, require a corset (literally a hook and eye corset) to run, my bras leave marks on my shoulders, I have back, neck and shoulder pain and I get lots of comments from gross old men and more than one guy has tried to feel me up or go down my shirt, down my bra to feel them. Trust me, you ain't missing anything!
68
Tits are awesome. Don't be uptight if we stare. You can stare at our junk too.
69
Are you a fucking idiot? Apparently, yes, yes you are. I can't believe The Stranger printed this total piece of crap.
70
A 'dd cup' means nothing without a given band size.

Examples: a 40DD is the same volume as a 32G. A 32DD = 38B = 40A in volume. Yes, a 32DD and a 38B bra have the same cup volume. One just has a shorter band than the other.

71
I appreciate the fact that so many women have found it possible to use this comment space as a forum for discussion about breast reduction! They're turning this article into an opportunity to talk about something that ails them: large breast issues. However, I totally agree with #63; the sentence about boobs being a defining characteristic of women is very insutling when paired with "makeup, crying, and a certain shyness regarding flatulence". Really? Must being a woman be trivialized like this? I wasn't aware another woman wanted to reduce the defninition of her existance to a lame, terse stereotype.
72
Always a B-cup until my first pregnancy brought me double-D's. Be careful what you wish for.
73
I love me some righteous cleavage as much as any man, but every woman should know that her sexiest attribute is her smile. Turn it on, darlings, and brighten our day!

Y'all can write that down
74
I don't care about size. I guess you could call me a breastual-omnivore. I try not to stare. It seems impolite. I scold men that do. An old gf and her mom once noticed a well endowed woman, and I asked what they were talking about, and her mom said, "don't pretend like you didn't notice, YOU'RE A MAN!" I was pretty offended. Not only did I not get to see the hot woman, but I was accused of being unable to do so. It's the patriarchy, it hurts us all.
75
I love my big boobs. They are my Safe Place. Whenever I'm worried or stressed I immediately put my hands down my shirt and hold them. Curiously, my husband has the same reaction.
76
Boooooo! This article sucks.
77
raku @31, for the awesome comment.
78
This writing is not deep enough. it jumps all over the place (cleavage, fashion, trying-too-hard synonyms for breasts). SH, try writing another story that starts with your insecurity or worry, whatever it is, and follow that thread into the heart of the matter, fearlessly.
79
Humans and their bodies..

The fact that we can reason is why we even care. Reasoning creates creepos.. although the attraction to breasts is understandable due to brain function for procreation. It is in modern society that this concept is completely distorted.

Do native peoples gawk at large breats? good question.. probably not..

Its based on repression.

We can not see the breasts in our society. They are "forbidden".

This leads to obvious perversion.

I will admit.. I love breasts.. but I love ALL breasts.

I will beat off to every size and shape. My preference is puffy nipples and large areolas, but why??? I have wondered..

Who cares?? its my fantasy.. not yours..

Just keep it respectable guys.

Don't gawk at the ladies. Don't be creepos.

A woman once told me.. "Women know exactly where their breasts are at all times" .. meaning they know when, how, who, and what is looking, touching, speaking, or wondering about them.. its only natural ;)

Enjoy the beauty that is a woman.
80
I am a man who finds breasts irresistable, but an awe-inspiring pair, magical though that may be, cannot rival the qualities of happiness, self-assurance, self-awareness, intelligence, creativity, compassion, sensitivity, charm, humor, sense of adventure, and raw beautiful feminine energy that are the core of what makes a woman compelling to me. All other things being truly equal though, my personal preference is clear: I simply know that some combination of evolution and random chance has wired my particular brain to feel incredibly good in the presence of certain physical attributes. Are my preferences any less arbitrary than that of a female peacock for the male's ridiculous and useless array of feathers? Probably not. Are they still a useful indicator of health and survival probabilities for future offspring? Not in this day and age.

So I have an idea. Instead of passing ridiculous moral judgements on each other in the guise of snarky articles and comments, lets all accept that we are all wired in similar yet slightly different ways and get on with the business of making each other feel as good as we possibly can.

Personally, I want a woman who likes breasts as much as I do. If she happens to want to make them bigger out of a desire to explore and enrich her experience of her self, her life, and those around her, then she is truly exhibiting irrestible qualities, and that is something that I respect and celebrate. But if she is happy with her current physical embodiment as it is, thats great too.

It is sad that proper support garments are still so hard to come by... Making custom, perfectly form-fitting clothing is now economically feasible for creative individuals, so making the perfect bra for a reasonable price shouldn't be that much harder. 3d-scanner + optitex + laser cutter = awesome breast-positive business?? I'll do tech if someone else wants to handle marketing, materials, and assembly.
81
@38 Fuzzies: You're a size 36C? I envy you, and that you don't get any shit!! You're fortunate, too, to have such a supportive boyfriend who loves you for whom you are, and not by your shape and size. Congrats to you both!

I wasn't putting women like you down. This isn't to make you or anyone else feel bad, but just imagine being treated and left feeling like a big, clumsy Saint Bernard in among dachshunds. That's what adolescence was like for me. I was the first girl in my sixth grade class to require a bra, and wear glasses. Then my much older, cute little cheerleader sisters became dental hygienists and convinced our mother that I also "needed" braces and full head gear, too. At age twelve, I was already getting cruelly tormented at school just for wearing glasses. If my mother had gotten her way at the local orthodontist's office, I may have seriously considered committing suicide 36 years ago.
No bitterness, here---I'm just sharing.
82
@79 FunkybertLove and @80 focus: Thank you both, and bless you!
83
Why are people apologizing for their big boobs? I love my big boobs. Some men love them, too. Some men don't. Some girls will, some girls won't. Is it a crime to be attractive in this city, or something? Yes, one day the boobs will fall, as do all the mighty. (Oh how the mighty have fallen.) Them's the breaks. But it hurts me, HURTS ME, I say, to hear women apologizing for having nice, big tits. For fuck's sake, you live with those things every second of every minute of every hour of every day. Love them. If you have small boobs, love them. Didn't this town used to be full of hippies? Peace, love, and boobs? Love your damn boobs and get on with your life.
84
Size doesn't matter.
85
this article would be better if it was funny. but it's not.
86
The largest breast implants are 850 cc and weigh less than two pounds, so all the weight comparisons are exaggerated by a factor of four.
87
I have 38 DDs and I love them! Yes, it's hard to get shirts that fit. Yes, I've been groped by strangers. Yes, men stare. But they are fabulous! I have found a way to dress that flatters me. I can spot a groper from a mile away. And I just smile in return (though to be fair, many don't notice my smile.)
88
I have 34 B's (or A's depending on the time of month) and am skinny everywhere except my butt and thighs, which are monumental in comparison. It's not so easy on this side of the fence either. I don't feel like the ability to jog or the freedom from unwanted and creepy attention makes up for years of feeling like an unattractive, unfeminine freak. Honestly, I'd get implants if I could afford 'em.
89
Boobies are nice, but I'm more of a vagina man, myself.
90
This article is disgusting. This woman clearly DOESN'T want a "sweet ass rack" as she equates it to 64 snack pudding cups shoved in her shirt. She highlights all the bad things about big breasts and pretends like that's not what she's doing. Yes, there are cons to having big breasts, but you know what? I wear a 36DDD and I love it. Yes, jogging can be painful. No, I can't wear a size small shirt. But who cares? I look great, I feel great, I am a woman and I am proud of my body. Ladies with small breasts should be too! Yes, there may be a stereotype that femininity means having big boobs, but let's rise above that, ok? There are people out there who appreciate all body types, from small and petite to bbw. But let's be kind, be caring, be good people...let's not just be bodies.
91
Shirley,
I will forever imagine you with the rack of your dreams. And they will be the relatively more compliant, nonexplosive less weighty and permanently perfect variety that can only exist in the imaginations of men and lesbians.
92
I will echo the sentiments of many other large-breasted women here - not all their cracked up to be. Hard to find clothes, have to use powder constantly because you sweat under there (will leave it at that), etc.

And some men are breast men, some aren't - it's not like all men stare at your chest when you have big boobies.
93
by third paragraph realized by my incessant yawning that this was a chick article worthy of a boo hoo session ala oprah. u guys should be put a warning sticker on this kind of thing "for women only...similar to tampon commercial..."
94
@93: Go back to your cave and stay there.
95
Wow. Someone in advertising tried to write something and it came out having about as much soul as a press release. What a surprise.
96
This is the worst feature article the stranger has put out since the one where they basically called some guy a murderer in print and showed pictures of the inside of his victim's body.
97
New low Stranger. How did this inane feature ever get past whatever "editorial review" process you have? Stupid title, no depth and poorly written. Bonus points for creating a forum for dudes to expound on their "ideal" female body type and just a general discussion where women are reduced to parts. Gross.
98
This article fails on every level. Who is writing for and editing The Stranger these days? I know you are free and all but you play yourself off as a forward thinking, liberal community and then you feature articles that objectify women and set us all back to 1960s era sexism. You know you can do better. And all you ladies commenting on how tragic big breasts are, all you are doing is shaming yourself. Breasts are great. No matter what the size. They look good, they feel great with stimulation during sex and they nourish the young ones. What more even matters?
99
Say whatever else you want about "Having a Sweet-Ass Rack", but we've had close to 100 comments, and no one else has pointed out the illustration's rightward pointing chub and tight sack.
100
Was kind of hoping the reporter would don a fair of fake breasts and make some observations on how she was treated differently (if at all). Then she wouldn't have to imagine!