Spooky Shit

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Hmmm... the wife shits, but the witness yells at the husband and the cops refer to her as "suspect's wife." Why does he get the blame?

on October 23, 2013 at 9:14 AM

Well, he has the name, knows about where they live, what they look like and what car they drive. Should be a simple matter to administer some street justice.

The_Shaved_Bear on October 23, 2013 at 9:33 AM

The fact that this guy is calling the cops and the media about a possible dump makes me suspect he's got a few, uh, issues.

The fact that the Stranger is devoting this much space to it is downright bizarre.

bigyaz on October 23, 2013 at 10:04 AM

dead red blood cells (which give turds their hue)

I think I learned something!

And Cienna, is the poop still in your fridge or have you decided to destroy valuable evidence?

In any case, with red chili flakes and sunflower seeds, it is human. Now all that you need to do to get your Pulitzer is to talk the woman into giving a DNA sample to compare. I, for one, am excited to see where this mystery goes to next. Maybe it wasn't the woman's shit, but the man who reported it? What a twist that would be!

delirian on October 23, 2013 at 10:25 AM

Seattle's Only Newspaper!

Richard Thurston on October 23, 2013 at 10:31 AM

Now THIS is the greatest story ever told. My gawd, to think the Slog post of yore seeking turd-scientist recommendations helped tell this magnificent tale - I love it more than anything.

And the illustration is magnificent. Renault CV4?

TomJohnsonJr on October 23, 2013 at 11:13 AM

@4, the turd has been disposed of, but my scientist friend left me with a small dehydrated sample just in case the alleged shitter and her husband care to pursue the issue.

@6, James Yamasaki's illustrations make me swoon, especially this one:
http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/mayor…

Cienna Madrid on October 23, 2013 at 11:35 AM

"it was robust". JUST KILL ME NOW.

Adrian Ryan on October 23, 2013 at 2:21 PM

Best stranger article EVER

pfffter on October 23, 2013 at 2:51 PM

I just hope this article makes its way back to the pooprits/poopatrators.

ugabooga on October 23, 2013 at 2:58 PM

This feels like the "Who Pooped The Bed?" episode of It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia...

Proud Faggot on October 23, 2013 at 4:08 PM

The Pooprit strikes!

on October 23, 2013 at 5:13 PM

Just goes to show you can't buy class.

Frank Blethen's vodka distiller on October 23, 2013 at 6:19 PM

I worry that the poor woman has dementia, and that her husband has been struggling to hide it/cope with it.

I can't imagine any other possibility. Even the most obnoxious of us wouldn't shit on the street unless there were some deep underlying mental issues. We all know that everyone has cell phone cameras and one internet post is far reaching and never dies.

That poor man should have simply fessed up and apologized for his wife, and cleaned up. But imagine the horror of watching someone you love slowly lose everything that makes them 'THEM'.

You might not react soundly or graciously in that situation either.

godsnaughtymonkey on October 23, 2013 at 7:15 PM

godsnaughtymonkey (comment #15) gives an excellent explanation for the behavior. However, the couple was illegally parked, blocking the guys driveway. That's selfish behavior displayed before the turd enters the scene. I say give them a reason(s) to live with respect for others! STREET JUSTICE!!!!

on October 23, 2013 at 7:46 PM

Like most men, I pee in my yard all the time. Sometimes, "nature calls" in a different way. It's my yard, so fuck off.

Arthur Zifferelli on October 23, 2013 at 8:28 PM

I have to say, I'm very impressed by this hard hitting piece of journalism. This is fucking pulitzer material right here. PULITZER!

Keep up the great work!!

on October 23, 2013 at 9:58 PM

Yeah. Two people robbed at gun point this summer on my block in the U-District. Another stabbed TO DEATH two blocks away. I don't give a shit about phantom shitters, Stranger. You usually do better with SPD. Let it go.

on October 23, 2013 at 11:52 PM

Since you are asking professionals to do professional work for a report in your newspaper, you should be professional and pay them their standard fees.

on October 24, 2013 at 6:00 AM

Funny to read, but more hints as to who the poopetrator was would be useful. And the illustration is great (but I thought she was driving and he was yelling from the passenger seat?).

carnivorous chicken on October 24, 2013 at 9:02 AM

Hi Farkers!

Welcome to my second favorite website!

Love you all, roughly and repeatedly.

Slam1263 on October 24, 2013 at 10:37 AM

Cienna,
Your writing is right up my alley!So to speak.

Fuck off !!! on October 24, 2013 at 11:20 AM

@18

Poo-litzer prize material.

on October 24, 2013 at 11:22 AM

+1 @15.

I'm torn, because my first impulse is that this is quite possibly the most amazing and hilarious story I've seen in a while, but then there's something that screams: something isn't right.

I think #15 may have it, sounds like dementia and that's a very very sad thing.

Xrock on October 24, 2013 at 9:50 PM

@15 / 25

She's driving, though??

As he watched, he says, the woman walked to the front of the illegally parked car and slid into the driver's seat.

Let's not get all misty eyed in sympathy here, folks.

AirBuddy on October 25, 2013 at 1:01 PM

Yeah, the shitty part of all this is that any aggressive, harassing, cracked out homeless person who does this gets an endless fountain of compassion and sympathy, but some probably mildly demented fine upstanding citizen gets stalked and publicly humiliated for doing the exact same thing. Shame on you.

durango on October 25, 2013 at 3:13 PM

One overlooked possibility is I.B.S. When a person has to go, it's either poop your pants or let 'er fly on the curb. Remember the postal worker caught on video taking a dump in a customer's yard a few months back? Same scenario. I think this particular case is different because of the interaction between the supposed pooper and the witness to the event. Did he glimpse her pulling her panties up? Does he remember her wiping her turd cutter, is he facinated with feces? Nothing adds up here. He says he went out and acually REMOVED the deposit from his parking area, was it still warm? I think this person either made the story up or he glimpsed a nicely rounded bottom and can't forget about it.

longwayhome on October 25, 2013 at 9:57 PM

Whoa, jaybob! Get a grip!

longwayhome on October 25, 2013 at 10:07 PM

God Damn,you people are fucking inhuman... This is what happens when you LOCK TOILETS and don't let people in your bathrooms to shit without buying something...they are going to blow ass all over your front lawns more often because of your "SHITTY" business rules and policy's...fucking deal with it...AND WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T THIS GUY CHECK THE LICENSE PLATE ON THE CAR OR Describe to police WHAT THE CAR LOOKED LIKE OR THE PEOPLE LOOKED LIKE WITH A SKECH ARTIST??? God,you cops are FUCKING STUPID...

superhyrulean on October 26, 2013 at 8:54 AM

Anyone remember THIS?:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KEeeEdUc…

superhyrulean on October 26, 2013 at 8:57 AM

@30 - did you even read the story? The husband bought ice cream at the market across the street. And there was a bar across the street too. Strange how a lot of the commenters are making excuses for the woman claiming she has IBS or dementia. The article clearly states she was driving and a business owner. This lady is low class!

ugabooga on October 26, 2013 at 9:16 AM

Also @30, they obviously know who the people are cause of the receipt and the author contacted the husband by phone and they even mention the woman's age. Author kept the names out of the story. It's stated.

ugabooga on October 26, 2013 at 9:21 AM

ummm. I think its called marking your territory.

thebaytonight on October 26, 2013 at 12:45 PM

This is the most hilarious article I've read on Stranger in a very long while.

illwill89 on October 27, 2013 at 12:21 PM

#15

Yes this guy is a computer programmer supposedly, didn't he think to take a vid with his phone? He could have easily gotten enough YT hits to pay for his indignation.

Supreme Ruler Of The Universe on October 27, 2013 at 1:34 PM

Riveting read. Went great with my Sunday morning constitutional.

on October 27, 2013 at 1:38 PM

This is WAY better than the shit I read in the Seattle Times!

pat L on October 27, 2013 at 1:41 PM

Cienna, you could legally collect DNA evidence from the suspect's home garbage. Just put on some gloves and find some nail clippings, discarded hair, etc.

facet on October 27, 2013 at 2:10 PM

This is relevant to my interests!

More Turd Noir please!

Bored@School on October 27, 2013 at 4:38 PM

I love this story! Because I hate assholes who do fucked shit but don't take responsibility. I wish you could find a way to prove it.

#15's idea came to mind as well.

And #39, it's just pee. Prude.

thisbarisover on October 27, 2013 at 4:57 PM

@40,

Only if it's out on the curb, right?

keshmeshi on October 28, 2013 at 2:56 PM

@40,

Actually, I think the article mentioned that the alleged mad pooper and her husband live in a condo, so collecting their garbage would likely be excessively difficult, and privacy-invading.

keshmeshi on October 28, 2013 at 2:58 PM

Thank you, Stranger!

Incredible on October 29, 2013 at 10:47 AM

Fuck you erin heyward. Take your bullshit advertising somewhere else.

longwayhome on October 31, 2013 at 8:34 PM

Spooky Shit

The Case of the Mystery Turd

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