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Mar 19, 2014
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Comments
If porn was perfectly acceptable, like selfies and posting on Facebook...something your grand parents joked about doing when they first started dating...well there really wouldn't be much of a market for paid-porn (and we're already experiencing this to a certain extent with tube sites/amateur/revenge porn, where porn stars are making significantly less than they did 10 years ago, but still get stigmatized enough to fuck up professional and personal relationships...but that's another post).
That said, if this author really wants a professional career as a sex worker, he should be thankful for the stigma. He should be thankful that that people turn their noses up at porn stars. That spite is the reason he gets paid.
I wish we weren't so bonkers about sexuality, but intelligent thoughtful people like you will help get us there. I was excited to read this article when I saw your name - I loved hearing you on Chris Ryan's "Tangentially Speaking" podcast. If we met I'd like to give you a hug!
Cooking food is socially acceptable, and yet there are restaurants, making food that most of us can't make or are disinclined to make, for whatever reason.
Or, more relevantly, acting in (non-pornographic) movies is totally acceptable, but actors don't get into fights with their loved ones who just can't handle the idea that they're out there having unprotected feelings and dialogue for a camera, for just anyone to watch.
Great article!
He did not bring his job (or mine) into the conversation, he just said he did freelance stuff and that he had been a model. I thought nothing of it.
One day I went to an adult video store with a friend of mine and saw the guy I was dating on the cover of a porn video (this was back in the VHS era). I went through many emotions: Shocked that this guy I was dating was in porn ("why didn't he tell me?"), excited that this guy I was dating was in porn ("Am I really that good looking to date a porn star?"), scared that this guy I was dating was in porn ("Is he HIV positive?"). More than anything, I was a little disappointed that he didn't bring it up and be honest about it.
After thinking about it, I figured he must have been disappointed many times by potential boyfriends that ran away the moment he mentioned porn.
I tried not to be a hypocrite about it, after all, I watch porn, and it wasn't like he was being abused or anything, he made a conscious choice about it, so I let it go at first. But I made the mistake of not mentioning it to him.
Over the next few weeks things turned sour, I started feeling very jealous and insecure, I have always been very insecure about my looks and started thinking that he could have his pick of men and just leave, after all, the guys he had sex with in the videos were much better looking than me.
I also started feeling this big unease of me catching something from him. Yet I still did not bring it up and neither did he.
Another thing that really bit me was that I started feeling ashamed, how could I ever introduce him to my boss? What if we were at a work party and there was a gay coworker there that recognized him? How would I be able to deal with that?
I could not take it anymore and broke it up. I made something up about being in love with someone else, he took it very hard. A few days before he had talked about how much he wanted to "settle down and have a nice, quiet life".
Maybe if we had actually had an open and honest conversation about it, things would have been different. If I had been more mature and removed the stigma and the jealousness and insecurities, it could have worked out.
We still have a good way to go as a society to be able to see this as a profession that no one should be ashamed of.
This really isn't so much opinion as it is economic fact, and you need to do is look at what's happened since the late 90's/early 00's. Back then, there were a few 100 girls, and the top tier could easily make 1500 to 2000 per scene, they could make a ton feature dancing, and on a related note, escorting porn stars was a huge taboo and relative non-ocurrence (FYI, I know the author makes gay porn and I'm talking hetero, but I'm ultimately just looking at the economics and stigma, which are comparable between the two).
Fast forward ten years after Jenna Jameson made millions and reduced the stigma in porn (but obviously far from eliminated it), and look what's happened: there now 1,000's of girls in the valley competing for work, those late 90's paydays are gone (and you're gonna have to do stuff like double anal to get there); and escorting porn stars is becoming the norm because that's where the dough is at.
So extrapolate this further if you were to completely eliminate the porn stigma: in the last ten years we've gone from 100's of girls to 1000's competing for work, eliminate that Stigma,and 1000's goes to 10's or 100's of thousands (maybe even millions). And then ask yourself this, do we really need more porn? Between all the free tube sites now, I can't imagine possibly craving anymore supply...but that's hat we'd have: a glut of supply and nobody demanding it.
Anyway, I admire what porn stars do and it can be taxing physically and emotionally....but if you remove the stigma hurdle (and thus the emotional component), they're just good looking people getting paid to do something we all like to do...and there will be plenty more where that comes from.
Sorry, storytellers always analyze the why of relationships. I enjoy following you and your writing! Wish for you the best of everything.
Sorry, storytellers always analyze the why of relationships. I enjoy following you and your writing! Wish for you the best of everything.
6 year old watching old My Little Pony cartoons on YouTube. Clip ends, related videos pop up. Including very graphic 'my little pony' porn.
That is a terrible way to be 'discover' sex, and there is no good way to explain to that kid what those people were doing that they can understand without opening a discussion a 6 year old is not ready for.
Porn (in principle) is fine, as are the people who choose to work in the industry. But in practice, it needs to be a little less omnipresent. Not everything is about sex all the time.
Actually, you have a problem with human minds. Porn does not just make itself and put itself all over the internet. As long as we are humans, sex will wallpaper all forms of media.
Big. Shiny. Throbbing.
Best regards.
-someone else who makes porn
"But think of what [porn] is doing to young minds, who waste their time watching other people have sex, when they could actually go have sex with their partners, when they could be digesting knowledge and helping to make a difference in our community."
Fuck you trying to be the arbiter of what "young minds" should or should not be doing with their time and also for implying that porn is the only thing stopping these "young minds" from perfection.
Bullshit. Life isn't all hugs and puppies, but I'm pretty sure that making porn go away because it makes you feel icky isn't going to help improve the human condition one bit.
I don't think I need to say more.
Some of it is intimidation and some of it is puritanical views on the 'sanctity' of sex and intimacy. We have romanticized sex and porn negates that. Having wild monkey sex with a gallon of lube with your lover is ok while sex with a virtual stranger isn't. Most of us look for connection, however brief, when we hook up and porn doesn't seem to offer that. It's tough to put someone we feel close to in such an impersonal setting.
Finally, while porn sex looks hot, it looks fake. No one sweats or farts or gets a cramp from fucking. You don't crash elbows or get the giggles or fail to orgasm because you're tired or stressed. So we feel resentful that there are people who can seemingly have perfect sex in HD.
Also, I never used to word "Perfection"... I never referred to a utopic world... as I think we are far off from that; some things have gotten better, some perhaps not so much...
I do not mean to demonize anyone who enjoys sex because it is a need- we all enjoy it on different levels- some individuals have higher drives than others. It does come down to the person, what their priorities are, but the internet in general has proven, in SOME cases, to be a huge distraction. I apologize if I offended you, that was not the intention. :)
I am happy to admit that I like watching porn, some days I might watch a lot and then not watch it for a few days. But then some days I find myself watching every episode of Supernatural back to back just because I can. Or sitting up all night reading the Chronicles of Narnia for the umpteenth time. Are books or Sam and Dean better or worse than porn? In fact porn raises my heart rate so technically its healthier. Obviously the answer is that too much of anything is not good for you.
As to the performers, well personally I think they are amazing. They have to keep themselves, fit, healthy, and do a hard and physically demanding job. They lay their soul bare in the most incredibly personal way. I would actually like to meet some of them. Just to say thank you. Thank you for making my life just a little bit better. For making me smile. I'll buy you a cup of tea anytime xx
Is someone who is marginally more articulate going to weigh in with the sex-phobic position here? This comment thread is unexpectedly dull thus far.
I would like to say that I don't hate porn stars. I do not dislike them. As far as I know I may not have even meet one. I do however hate pornography. I am 42 years old. I have been a sex addict since 28 that's 14 years. You might say my issue is one of addiction, of not being able to control myself. Yep that's the nature of addiction. And the outlet? Pornography. It's a pretty dense emotion. Masturbating to pornographic images. Nothing that I am proud of. Nothing spiritual or good came from it. Actually watching pornography & masturbating to it has had very negative effects on my life. It created problems that I live with. Your contention that it does not lead to sexual violence in my case is not true. I have duplicated things I have seen. Again nothing I am proud of. You say that pornographic actors are not victims of childhood sexual abuse. Jenna Jameson was. Tracey Lords was. Making out with someone can be a really enjoyable beautiful thing. That's good for the spirit & makes you happy. Watching pornography takes you away from people. It harms.
First of all,I do not believe that porn actors are victims of hatred.Some of porn actors are adored,some are blamed;but there's no hate at all.You are bringing attention to things that are insignificant and not true,if I had your popularity or amount of twitter friends...You have power of being heard, but you are wasting it on things that are important for yourself, not for community.
Frankly,this story sounds like a personal letter for "Alex",a letter that is full of justifications and blame towards a partner that let you go.
There are many opinions,mine might sound harsh, but I am just one of a few dozen that came along your post.I have bad chapters in my life,as well as those who are here with me.I was never hated or turned away from or disrespected for what I did in the past.I was always honest and open about myself and I never blamed my work or my bad fame for being lonesome at night in my bed,because it would have been a sweet lie.
Dan has actually never said that. Dan Savage's response would be to try online dating sites, especially ones for men who are attracted to overweight women and date the people who are into you.
Next.
What made you think that this article is about PERSONAL, as well as relationship problems of a porn actor and not for example, about SOCIAL PROBLEMS OF SEX WORKERS?Smiley face here.
Also, your comment is very immature in it's content due to poor knowledge of the issue.
I've never done porn, but as an attractive woman who developed early- I've been objectified by men most of my life. I could have been a high-end call-girl, but chose not to go that route b/c I was too scared of all the what-if's.
My foray into sex-work stopped at showing my breasts to a man for $500., because the whole time I gave him a private peep show, I was terrified, thinking I could be raped or killed. However, the thought that I could have made 1500+ for an hour of sex left an impression on me as I was a nanny barely getting by.
My take on it is that my sexuality is only a problem for society if I am the one in control of it. If I were to have become a high-end call girl or stripper, then I would be a bad girl. As long as I am cowering in fear of my sexuality, everyone else can say I am a "good girl".
However, for the many times that I was sexually harassed at work, grabbed in bars, touched inappropriately, etc- all those guys who did that to me get a free pass and no one slut shames them for liking my tits.
Don't even get started on if you like music....
Here is a clue Connor: nobody gives a fuck about your or your irrelevant job.
Wow, I can do that too with things like: nudist camp, McDonald's worker, business, retail, going to the park, working at the park, using a public restroom, internet, video games, cell phones, email, apples, bananas, farming, traveling, being a musician, talking to musicians, being alive, being dead, being in a coma, being one handed, being two handed, being straight, gay, or bi, being an art aficionado, being a wine aficionado, being a tulip aficionado, being a baby, having lungs, having eyes, moving from the couch to the toilet, getting up to get the channel turner, etc etc etc
Please go fuck yourself. You are not sex positive.
Why did I treat the article as if it were about personal matters?
Because it was. It was all about telling Alex he was in porn and then the strains that that placed on his personsl relationship with his lover Alex, and how eventually Alex couldn't take it any more and how awful that made him feel.
Fairly personal stuff, isn't it?
Anyway I like the article but I think he sensationalises it a bit. I think people are less comfortable around people who work in pornography but that doesn't mean they have a hatred of them. In a world where we're brought up to belive that sex is a private affair between two consenting adults it's fair to see why people might feel uncomfy around those who choose to sell that for their career.
Except maybe following it up with a few dozen paragraphs of breathtaking narcissism.
Tone: Mocking, whiney
Syntax: A lot of interrogations
Diction: Concrete and connotations
Audience:Those who oppose porn actors
Mostly one giant anecdotal evidence. Work on voice control.
Discover sex? Dude - by age 6, you should have given your kids the basic "how baby are made" talk. Or better yet, give them a children's book about it. There's no reason to hide the basic facts from them.
Also, big deal. Years ago my kids were Googling for something or another as I was watching from across the room, and they somehow came across a close-up picture of a cock in an asshole. My daughter, maybe 8 at the time, gasped, made a remark about it being "inappropriate", and clicked it away. I don't think my 5 year old son registered what it was. 4 years later, I doubt they'd even remember, and if they did, they'd laugh.
Exactly, this is a story about Alex and Porn Actor,who is trying to tell the reader about hardships and life of a porn actor and stigma associated with it-when it comes to relationship issues.So, you are quite correct there, it is a personal story about a failed relationship and author's attempt to understand why it has failed.
I tried to add a sarcastic note in my previous comment:I said "personal story".Unfortunately essay has a misleading title and it failed to touch the topic of true social issues of a sex worker (or porn actor).
I believe,this story was not intended to change the world,Connor Habib is a writer,he writes and touches our hearts and it ends there.I don't understand why so many people in this comment section are leaving rude comments, after realizing that there's no answer to the title of the essay in essay itself-'What I Want to Know Is Why You Hate Porn Stars'.
Yes dear, it is a PERSONAL story,well written and paragraphed,it is not an answer to social issue that's well described in essay.
Right, unless they are condemning it, in which case they are free to shout it from the rooftops, or the pulpit.
You are promoting shame. You needn't.
I do not hate porn, I find it the best outlet for the relief of tensions, inner and in most of time forbidden thoughts etc...
While I do not hate (because hate is such a powerful word and seems unfit hate), I would not have you as a lover ..Connor ya habibi and ya albi it has to do with TRUST....and I can not trust you ya helou....we can be BFF and trust you with my life and I really mean it but being intimate with you...very hard for me ....for multiple issues the most important being trust issues....but i am ready to change my mind if you can convince me and I love changing my mind....
A porn star has chosen to be in the spotlight for other people to watch him, admire him, get off on him. He is not only totally fine about being associated exclusively with sex by the public, but he actually sought to be viewed that way.
By linking myself with a porn star I would have the feeling that I would be reduced to being viewed by people in this light as well. Maybe not with close friends, but everybody who sees me with my porn star boyfriend would only see me in this light.
I am a person who has no problems to talk openly about sex, but I would not want to be associated with it all the time.
I think this is a problem that any partner of of a celebrity has to face in one way or the other, that he or she has to stand in the other persons shadow. To be honest, I don't think I would be able to do that anyway. But then add the fact that the other person upstages you for sex AND you also get associated solely with sex all the time even though you never wanted to define yourself this way... I am pretty sure that I would not be able to handle this.
I realize that this might sound hypocritical to some, but this is just the way I think. As the partner of a porn star you would have to be willing to take the same pride in his sex work as he does and also carry the stigma of doing porn together with him, without having the porn background, the knowledge about the business etc. and without having made the choice that he has, that this is the life he wants to lead. I think it is understandable for any person to not wish to carry this burdon and I have the utmost respect for people who decide they are fine with it. I don't think, I would be, though
A porn star has chosen to be in the spotlight for other people to watch him, admire him, get off on him. He is not only totally fine about being associated exclusively with sex by the public, but he actually sought to be viewed that way.
By linking myself with a porn star I would have the feeling that I would be reduced to being viewed by people in this light as well. Maybe not with close friends, but everybody who sees me with my porn star boyfriend would only see me in this light.
I am a person who has no problems to talk openly about sex, but I would not want to be associated with it all the time.
I think this is a problem that any partner of of a celebrity has to face in one way or the other, that he or she has to stand in the other persons shadow. To be honest, I don't think I would be able to do that anyway. But then add the fact that the other person upstages you for sex AND you also get associated solely with sex all the time even though you never wanted to define yourself this way... I am pretty sure that I would not be able to handle this.
I realize that this might sound hypocritical to some, but this is just the way I think. As the partner of a porn star you would have to be willing to take the same pride in his sex work as he does and also carry the stigma of doing porn together with him, without having the porn background, the knowledge about the business etc. and without having made the choice that he has, that this is the life he wants to lead. I think it is understandable for any person to not wish to carry this burdon and I have the utmost respect for people who decide they are fine with it. I don't think, I would be, though
Just because you plow, or get plowed by, strangers on film and get paid for it, just because you do it so often it's like blowing your nose, that doesn't make it a great thing. Sorry. It may be beautiful and natural and liberating and all that to you. So is moving your bowels. Your grandparents wouldn't want to see you do either on the dining room table at Thanksgiving, would they? So the problem is with you.
They don't clue into the fact that no one wants to sleep with them because they are such hateful bitchy queens.
Back to the drawing board on this one.
Jesus, I weep for what has happened to 'writing' in the past two decades..
Maybe it's jealousy.
You love your job. We love your job.
You are, the bulk of you, and you in particular, gorgeous, with awe
inspiring bodies, and body parts (calves, thighs, chests, feet, legs,
hands, arms, necks, noses, mouths, and the hearts of the matter, in all their transmutations).
Why should he have everything: a gorgeous body, an easy life, a
fun-filled, well-paid job?
Who does he think he is? I hate him. He's a menace to society.
He's corrupting our children.
Why couldn't that have been me?
As for me, I'm looking for you online, and I'm in video-buying mode.
But I love erotica. I love erotica where women can explore their sexuality freely with the kinks they like. And I refuse to judge porn stars for getting paid for doing something that they enjoy. If they say they're doing it freely, then I believe them and all power to them. ... I just hate the system.
I don't think people hate porn actors (most of the people I know don't - porn's just too mainstream these days for the same stigma to attach to it), but I do think people are uneasy around porn actors, and I think it's first and foremost because people are uncomfortable with their own sexuality.
There may be other reasons, though, that aren't entirely unfair. Having sex for money involves a tricky separation between your physical state and your emotional state. You have to treat yourself (and other people) like an instrument in a sense, and that's somewhat sociopathic. Like all acting, it involves an inherent form of inauthenticity. That notion - that people can feel one way and act another - is scary, no matter where or how it manifests. Porn is a very visible manifestation and one that relates to an act that is deeply personal for many and fraught with conflicted emotions.
Over time, I've found myself less and less interested in commercial porn because of that inauthenticity. Gay porn may be a very different world, but in straight porn, there's nothing sexy about two people mechanically going through the motions. Amateur porn, on the other hand, where the people are in the moment and connecting with each other - that's sexy and beautiful (and exceedingly rare).
I guess what I'm saying is your profession will always create a doubt for anyone you're around socially - a chasm they have to cross. You may have crossed it, and it may seem perfectly natural to you; it may take time for others to understand and accept it, even if they have perfectly liberal attitudes towards porn.
I don't think people hate porn actors (most of the people I know don't - porn's just too mainstream these days for the same stigma to attach to it), but I do think people are uneasy around porn actors, and I think it's first and foremost because people are uncomfortable with their own sexuality.
There may be other reasons, though, that aren't entirely unfair. Having sex for money or on film involves a separation between your physical state and your emotional state. You have to treat yourself (and other people) like an instrument in a sense, and that's somewhat sociopathic. Like all acting, it involves an inherent form of inauthenticity. That notion - that people can feel one way and act another - is scary, no matter where or how it manifests (it's even scarier in business, where it's arguably most prevalent). Porn is a very visible manifestation and one that relates to an act that is deeply personal for many and fraught with conflicted emotions for others.
Over time, I've found myself less and less interested in commercial porn because of that inauthenticity. Gay porn may be a very different world, but in straight porn, there's nothing sexy about two people mechanically going through the motions. Amateur porn, on the other hand, where the people are in the moment and connecting with each other - that's sexy and beautiful (and exceedingly fragile - easily destroyed by the presence of a camera).
I guess what I'm saying is your profession will always create a doubt for anyone you're around socially - a chasm they have to cross. You may have crossed it, and it may seem perfectly natural to you and your desire to bring pleasure to people watching a totally authentic motivation that closes the gap between the physical and emotional sides of what you do; it may take time for others to understand and accept it, even if they have perfectly liberal attitudes towards porn.
As for the true haters - the religious nuts, the outraged feminists who want to see oppression wherever they think it exists, the frightened and well intentioned youngsters who want to save the world or protect themselves from the reality of sex by equating porn and crime - you'll never do anything about them. Too bad they're the most vocal.
I think why we don't like porn stars, is that it's a threat to our whole 2.4 kids nuclear family concept. Some of us just aren't ready for that threat to be acknowledged, and our love challenged by the threat of 'other' in our lives with those we love.
Stupid as that sounds. There's something useful about denial sometimes, when you're trying to make a marriage work out.
I went through a divorce, and he had another woman. I felt so much rage towards them both, and several of our (now ex) friends who said I was being the asshole, for feeling how I did about it.
I think the spectre of that looms in porn, too, and triggers those same feelings.
And, the threat of disease is a big one for me!
I haven't always been careful and that scares me. What if..
Bring multiple possibilities of that into the equation, and you're faced with a very real threat and fear of death and illness. It's too scary for some, too scary for me. I am avoiding sex at this point in my life until I can get over myself.
I am a reasonable adult, open minded, and these things still haunt me. They haunt others more, that aren't so reasonable and grown up about it, or as well educated about it. I have gone and sought an education in the last few years.
Throw religion into the mix and well.. I'm sure you don't need me to tell you about that!
Anyway, thank you for writing that, a very courageous and wonderful piece. I wish you happiness and that you find an Alex that is ready to be loved, and accepts you for who you are.
"Nothing quite like starting with a loaded, leading, MIS-leading question.
Except maybe following it up with a few dozen paragraphs of breathtaking narcissism."
I’d add also that I understand Alex’s position. His issue may not be the sexual acts themselves. Personally I certainly wouldn’t date a porn star! To be “hot enough” for a porn star? That’s wayyy too much pressure! You’ve got to put yourself in his shoes on this one. Nobody wants to be the “normal guy” who feels like he’s gotta keep up to a high standard in order to keep his porn actor partner happy. YIKES.
That all said, the slut-shaming part of it all, the sexually-liberated part of me opposes strongly. Let people do what they want with their bodies, with whoever they want.
So why do you hate that "inauthenticity" (your words, not mine) in porn stars but not actors on stage or film?
I enjoyed the article a lot - lovely piece of writing and I for one am sorry to hear about the breakup of their relationship.
I do think though that the premise of the article is a bit self important and OTT. I don't think people bother to "hate" porn stars. Yes, I'm sure there is discrimination once you reveal to potential partners and/or relatives and/or potential future non-porn employers, etc., what you did for a living, but that ain't "hate".
I'm sure what there is, is a lot of envy of the beauty of these people and their sexual prowess and the money they make, and for what? For fucking other beautiful people? Ya, plenty of envy, but I just don't see hate.
One thing not touched on by the author nor in any of these comments is the very obvious and massively increased risk of disease when you fuck strangers - different strangers all the time - full time, year in and year out. Obviously you put your partner at risk, hugely more than someone who doesn't bang and blow for a living, right?
Not to mention the guy you're in love with's junk being on display for the entire world to see 24/7, every square centimeter of his flesh, his O face, him actually coming, the noises he makes when doing so, etc. ... Stuff on THAT level of privacy and intimacy - ya.
Conner, I think it's fairly understandable that MOST people who fall in love with you will not want your most intensely private moments like that to be on public display, to anybody with a computer and a credit card. Surely this isn't much of a stretch.
I don't wish you ill. I hope you find another Alex. Just putting myself in his shoes, though, ya, there might be novelty in the beginning, and bragging rights, but after a while if we became serious I think - and I think most people other than maybe other porn stars - would, again want and maybe deserve the private, intimate stuff to be just that ... private, and intimate.
So then don't date a porn star if you feel that way, somebody will say, to which I'd reply, well by the same token, if you are a porn star, don't be upset and surprised if your lovers - people you dream about still being in love with when they're old - have a hard time with how you make a living. Maybe we could handle it in the beginning to a degree, but the increased risk of passing bad shit onto me after you've banged the 100th guy that year, is gonna get super old.
I - I think you are mixing two different issues: your private relationship with Alex and the collective perception of pornography (porn actors/actresses). To me these two are not related at all, simply because they belong to two separate realms. By mixing the two issues confuses things. In your piece you simply categorized Alex as part of the mob of those who hate porn actors, whereas yourself as the hated part. And this absolutely unclear, why should be that way. I mean Alex had a direct conflict of interests toward your job, whereas the general public, being detached to it, cover a different position that for any reason cannot be compared to that of Alex!
II - You mention that you both loved each other. But then you say that each of you were free to meet whoever you wanted. It would be interesting to understand what kind of love is this. I personally call it simply "infatuation/affair", because love should be more than that. Or maybe yours was an immature love. To support the love you guys felt toward each other you say that "we said 'I love you'". A wise man, centuries ago, said "if saying food defeated hunger, if saying water quenched thirst, this world would have resolved its two major problems." So saying "I love you" to someone does not automatically mean that one feels true love. One must act on it. Maybe in your case this action had to do with your job (obviously!!!!).
III - You weren't enough brave to threw away all you had for him. By not being able to give up your job freely without expecting Alex to do it you demonstrated that you weren't ready for a more serious relationship (relationship acquires a strong binding between two things). On the other hand Alex was unable, or not fully interested, to push you toward a definitive choice between your job or the relation. Maybe he did not feel in love after all!!!
IV - When one is in love, I mean a true love, one is able to control their own passions otherwise the word "man" loses its true meaning. Love is exclusive of all. You seem to make it sound differently by saying "I have a pure heart," yet I will keep doing what I like to do. Basically you state your own selfishness with such claim. If a heart were really pure, it would mirror only the face of the beloved one, not many faces and other personal passions. But seems that you were not ready to give up your passions freely. Alex wanted space, but you also needed space by claiming that somehow you needed to do what you really liked, porn acting. Basically, from the article, seems that you and Alex were trying to build a house starting from the roof instead of building the foundations first! The article states it clearly: your love story drowned in the "Ocean of Mercy", that first day.
I hope I did not sound a moralist, or offended in any way. If somehow any of my sayings seemed harsh and unjust I beg pardon in advance.
-ULI
That being said, I can completely understand where Alex is coming from. I would not want my husband doing porn, and I have no desire to have sex with anyone but him. To me, it is special when we have sex and I want that to be something only he and I share. He feels the same.
Maybe you should date someone who feels the same way you do. Not everyone can be in that type of relationship. I would never be able to date a porn star but I don't judge nor hate them for their choice of profession. But it's a little ignorant to not see where Alex would be coming from. And he probably didn't mention porn to you as a reason for breaking up because he didn't want to hurt you more.
Its title asks why people hate porn stars, but it has nothing to do with that. It's deceptive. It's in fact a lament by a porn star that his lover could not ultimately accept his occupation.
And it's disingenuous because the author fails to mention that his occupation requires him to display his genitals all over the internet, to have sexual intercourse regularly with multiple partners and be filmed while doing it, and all for the purpose of inducing members of the public to masturbate while looking at pictures of him.
What is surprising is that the author should expect his lover to accept those things.
I don't hate porn stars. I like looking at them. But for a lover I look for someone that keeps their sex life private, between them and me, and reserves access to their body for me. Like most people.
But, in the meantime, you're too smart not to know about the fates of Arpad Miklos (a chemist by training!), Erik Rhodes, Linda Lovelace and all the other pornstar suicides. It's predictably clever of you to pretend they are the statistical exception. And artfully disingenuous of you to suggest it is only OUR hang-up for drawing any conclusions whatsoever from their sad stories.
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