The Mighty Mighty Bosstones, Question the Answers LP
Selling points: Colored vinyl. Limited edition of 3,000. "Far and away one of the most important ska-punk records ever recorded."
What it really is: The first sign of the dreaded mid-late-'90s ska-punk revival.
Mumford & Sons, "Believe" 7-inch
Selling points: Officially sanctioned "bootleg style 7-inch hand numbered and hand stamped. First physical release of music from upcoming album."
What it really is: Non-bootlegged studio tracks from an upcoming full-length by incredibly bland British lumbersexuals who recently discovered synthesizers.
A-Ha, "Take On Me" 7-inch picture disc
Selling points: 30th anniversary picture disc of the 1985 studio hit and live BBC version from 2009.
What it really is: To Catch a Predator, the comic-book vinyl edition.
Citizen Dick, "Touch Me I'm Dick" 7-inch
Selling points: "7-inch single of the fictional band Citizen Dick from the Cameron Crowe film Singles featuring members of Pearl Jam."
What it really is: "Touch Me I'm Dick," in essence, speaks for itself, y'know. I think a lot of people might think it's actually about, you know, "My name is Dick, and, you know, you can touch me." —Cliff Poncier
Mystery Release, Unknown 7-inch
Selling points: "Colored vinyl. Two artists perform the same song." It's not the Black Keys and Junior Kimbrough or Syd Barrett and R.E.M., who also take part in the Side by Side series this year.
What it really is: A new jam by Matthew Lesko, the "free money" guy who wears the question-mark suit and is number 99 in the book 100 People Who Are Screwing Up America.
Rockabye Baby, Lullaby Renditions of the Grateful Dead LP
Selling points: "Translucent purple vinyl."
What it really is: Dick's Parenting Picks.
Various Artists, Sons of Anarchy Volumes 2 & 3 LPs
Selling points: "A stunning collection of 15 revered performances from the first four seasons of the award-winning FX television show."
What it really is: That terrible theme song "This Life," a twangy cover of "Gimme Shelter" that would make any Hells Angel reach for his knife, and 13 other songs to cringe at.
Various Artists, The Wrestling Album/Piledriver LPs
Selling points: "Red and yellow colored vinyl featuring The Wrestling Album and Piledriver: The Wrestling Album 2, originally released by the World Wrestling Federation (WWF) in 1985 and 1987."
What it really is: Tone-deaf wrestlers rap and sing the blues, and other corny theme songs from the '80s heyday of the WWF.
Various Artists, Music to Drink Beer To LP
Selling points: "A limited-edition compilation put together by longtime friends Sam Calagione of Dogfish Head Brewery and Adam Block of Sony Music's Legacy Recordings."
What it really is: A puke-worthy compilation of keg-blown songs to spill your beer on.
Bruce Springsteen, Born in the U.S.A. LP and six studio albums he recorded before that
Selling points: "180-gram audiophile vinyl, remastered from the original source tapes."
What it really is: The Idiot's Guide to Record Digging in 2015.