Features Jun 24, 2015 at 4:00 am

And Other Misconceptions About Asexuality

Mike Force

Comments

1
This movement is SO important. The more people who understand that they are asexual, the more that they can be upfront and outspoken about their asexuality, and if interested in relationships specifically date other asexuals and leave the rest of us the hell alone.
2
@1 what you said. To be so outside what is the most defining part of animal and human existence is to be essentially alien to normal human relationships. Many years ago I unfortunately was briefly involved with someone who turned out to be asexual. It was miserable for everybody. So, so miserable.
3
Technically it's accurate to say that asexuals are not normal, if by "normal" you mean the statistical majority. But there's certainly nothing abnormal, i.e. wrong with being asexual. The only wrong is when an asexual does not admit it to themselves or others they are in relationships with.
5
I feel misled. There was no anecdotes involving starfish in the article.
6
I would never, never have though to have asked someone if they reproduce like a starfish if the subject of asexuality came up.

I will do so every time now because that shit is hilarious.

Thank you.
7
We don't need a label for people who don't feel like being intimate or having sex. It happens to everyone at some point.
8
@4 It is a spectrum. Sexual orientation is not set in stone. Sure, some asexuality stems from past trauma, and it may change in the future, but it does not make them any less genuine. And maybe it won't change, and trying to "fix" someone's asexuality causes more problems. After all, conversion therapy doesn't work for allosexuals, so why should it work for asexuals? Plus, you seem to define it as lack of sexual activity, when in reality it is lack of sexual attraction.

@6 Please don't. We've heard it all before, and unless you are absolutely sure they are able to take the joke, then don't. It can be really undermining to some people to have their identity seemingly ignored in favor of a few jokes.

@7 There is a label. It's called a low-sex drive. Asexuality is solely about lacking sexual attraction. We do not necessarily dislike sex or do not want it.
9
GOD DAMN
Sea stars mostly reproduce sexually, some bisexual, some hermaphroditic. Asexual reproduction through fission is relatively rare among them.
10
Asexuality is a tricky thing to nail down, personally. It's literally trying to prove a negative, while railing in despair at a problem that seems will never find a solution: loneliness. It's kind of like being immortal, but in reverse- seeing all of your friends and siblings mature, develop relationships, marry, have kids, and wondering how you're going to manage that kind of fulfillment with no impulse to pursue relationships that seemingly normal people want. I've made mistakes in my own path, someone got hurt, and I still regret it. I'd thought I had my asexuality figured out (just low self-esteem!) when I panicked and forced myself into the role of a "normal", sexual person in a desperate plea to avoid loneliness. What I've discovered since then is that acknowledging my own asexuality has boosted my self-esteem enormously, holding steady for months now, no "falling into a hole" as I used to call it. I wear an ace ring (black ring worn on the middle finger, right hand) mostly for myself, as a concrete reminder that my asexual identity isn't so much a point of pride but a shelter in a world that seemed to go crazy and leave me behind twenty years ago. I know who I am and I am not lonely, because I have the people I need in my life already.

Fun little story: are there ace crushes? At least maybe mini-crushes? I found out on the bus one day, when someone sat across from me listening to their music, just bobbing their head in their own style, clothes an interesting person put together and enjoyed wearing. I found myself just liking this person. Everything about them was just totally on-point and an ideal of how to be a genuinely happy and confident person in public, and I was a little sad when our paths diverged. Not once was there the slightest nether-tingle or sensual fantasy. I just felt a little in that moment like I could genuinely appreciate their experience and revel in their happiness. Then I saw the ring. Ace-dar?
11
Thank you for this article. Very well done. It means a lot when someone takes the time to learn about us and represent us correctly.

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