Thursday, February 25
8:00 5 Friends: When Phoebe finds a lost police badge, she fulfills her lifelong dream of rolling over the top of a car hood and beating an innocent man with a club.
9:00 13 Shocking Behavior Caught on Tape: Surveillance cameras catch people like you peeing on their bosses' chairs.
Friday, February 26
9:00 5 15th Annual Soap Opera Digest Awards: Soap stars celebrate their achievements by giving each other trophies depicting a man porking his best friend's wife.
10:00 7 Nash Bridges: Nash goes undercover as a wrestler along with "Stone Cold" Steve Austin in this episode written by Hunter S. Thompson. I shit you not.
Saturday, February 27
11:00 11 Star Trek: Voyager: The poop hits the fan when Kim takes a goddam alien species for a ride on his wild baloney pony.
12:05 5 Saturday Night Live: Host Lucy Lawless (Xena) welcomes musical guest, and the Northwest's premier moper, Elliott Smith.
Sunday, February 28
8:00 5 Alice in Wonderland: A young girl falls down a hole, and freaks out after meeting a cat that looks like Whoopie Goldberg.
9:00 13 X-Files: Mulder's waterbed springs a leak, and he can't figure out why. (Jeez, they're really running out of ideas!)
Monday, March 1
8:00 11 Dilbert: Though I'd rather see a cartoon about Snuffy Smith, this is a pretty good show!
9:00 13 Ally McBeal: After Ally screws around with Billy, she makes an even bigger mistake by telling her boyfriend about it!
Tuesday, March 2
10:00 NYPD Blue: A surprise guest drops by the station house: Lil' Ricky Schroder's sister (played by, I hope, Missy Gold from Benson).
Wednesday, March 3
8:00 22 Dawson's Creek: Dawson's 16th birthday party ends in sorrow when he is kidnapped by an Albanian circus, and forced to perform as "Meshaf, the Boy with the Funny-Shaped Head."
