Thursday, Nov 4

8:00 13 CELEBRITIES OUT OF CONTROL
Wow! Actual videos of celebrity hissy-fits, including Jim Carrey, Brad Pitt, Shannen Doherty, Pamela Anderson Lee, and Tony Danza! Recommended!

9:00 13 GREED
Debut! A new game show in which teams of contestants attempt to screw each other out of two mill.

10:00 5 E.R.
When Alan Alda starts losing his mind, the staff has no choice but to call in Dr. Sydney Freedman.


Friday, Nov 5

8:00 4 BOY MEETS WORLD
It's the episode we've all been waiting for! Corey and Topanga get married! (Oh, wait... I forgot. Nobody watches this except me.)

9:00 13 HARSH REALM
Final episode! Your last chance to see this new show (and creator Chris Carter's career) go down the toilet!


Saturday, Nov 6

10:30 COM STRANGERS WITH CANDY
Jeri (high school student and ex-prostitute/crackhead) shocks her teachers by smoking a marijuana cigarette!

Midnight 9 SESSIONS AT WEST 54TH
Get up and shake that nasty ass with musical guests Parliament/Funkadelic!


Sunday, Nov 7

9:00 4 WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE?
Cranky Regis Philbin returns with his unexplainably popular game show.

9:00 5 MAGICAL LEGEND OF THE LEPRECHAUNS -- Movie
You know... I hate "the wee people," and if I ever see one? I'll squash its goddam guts out!

9:00 13 THE X-FILES
Season Premiere! Mulder claims he was abducted by an alien, though his only proof is that his "butt hurts."


Monday, Nov 8

8:00 13 ALLY MCBEAL
Ally begins "hallucinating" again, and if it's that goddam dancing baby, I'm gonna PUKE!


Tuesday, Nov 9

8:00 22 BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER
Willow gets some unwanted competition when the college slut starts making goo-goo eyes at her sexy werewolf, Oz!

10:00 MTV THE REAL WORLD
The gang packs up their luggage (and Ruthie, her liquor bottles) on the final episode of the season.


Wednesday, Nov 10

9:00 4 DREW CAREY
Train wreck fans, take note! Tonight's episode of the Drew Carey show is live and improvised!