8:00 5 FRIENDS
Joey pitches a figurative tent when his new roomie turns out to be supermodel Elle Macpherson.
8:00 13 WHEN GOOD PETS GO BAD
Hilarity & horror ensue when Santa Claus gets bitten in the crotch by a reindeer.
10:00 5 E.R.
Dr. Gimpy grows suspicious when Alan Alda accidentally leaves a ham sandwich inside a patient.
8:00 13 SEVEN -- Movie
Not exactly the "feel-good movie of the year," starring Brad Pitt and Kevin "I'm not gay" Spacey.
12:05 am 4 POLITICALLY INCORRECT
It's washed-up TV star night featuring Gary Coleman, Barry "Brady Bunch" Williams, Danny Bonaduce, and Lisa "Blair" Whelchel (Facts of Life).
6:00 Pay-Per-View BOXING
It's Holyfield vs. Lewis in this rematch of their last fight, which was fixed and made promoter Don King a shitload of money (ready to give him some more?).
9:00 4 THE PARTRIDGE FAMILY: C'MON GET HAPPY -- Movie
Danny gets smacked and Keith and Laurie get laid in this TV movie based on the show's behind-the-scenes shenanigans.
9:00 9 NEW YORK: A DOCUMENTARY FILM
A six-part history of the Big Apple; from the discovery of Hudson Bay to the best place to pick up hookers!
10:00 4 THE PRACTICE
Lucy's tooth troubles are compounded when she winds up in the chair of a horny dentist.
8:00 13 TIME OF YOUR LIFE
In tonight's episode, Jennifer Love Hewitt embarks on a singing career. Auugghh! Augghhh! Augghhh!!!
9:00 13 ALLY MCBEAL
I hereby nominate Ally McBeal as having the WORST sex scenes on television. Who's with me?!?
8:00 22 BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER
Spike returns (yay!), and is quickly captured by the college ninjas (booo!).
9:00 22 ANGEL
Here's another David Boreanaz factoid: His favorite author is "Dr. Seuss." Oh, puh-leeze!
8:00 22 DAWSON'S CREEK
In a rip-off of The Blair Witch Project, Dawson and the gang make a documentary on "Witch Island." Something tells me they won't be ruthlessly murdered.
