8:00 5 FRIENDS
Phoebe craps her pants after finding out her twin sister is a (gulp!) PORN STAR?!?
10:00 5 E.R.
A very special Valentine's episode of E.R., where Kellie Martin gets executed gangland-style. (That'll teach her to complain!)
8:00 7 TRIBUTE TO CHARLES SCHULTZ
Walter Cronkite pays tribute to the creator of the Peanuts comic strip by yanking the football away from him at the last second.
8:00 11 STAR WARS -- Movie
(1977) Boy meets girl, boy falls for girl, boy later finds out that girl is boy's sister! Ewww! Ewww! Ewww!
8:00 13 THE SIMPSONS
Tonight a regular character gets killed off! Please, God! Don't let it be (buuurrp!) Barney!
9:00 7 SALLY HEMINGS: AN AMERICAN SCANDAL -- Movie
(2000) Hot and horny President Thomas Jefferson gets it on with sexy black slave. See? History can be fun!
8:00 5 FREAKS AND GEEKS
Everybody laughs when Ken falls for (snicker!) a band geek! HAW! HAW! HAWWWW!
8:00 USA WESTMINSTER DOG SHOW
Kind of like a Miss America pageant for dogs -- except in Miss America, the judges don't grab your package.
8:00 13 WHO WANTS TO MARRY A MULTI-MILLIONAIRE?
A game show where 50 women compete to become the wife of an unseen multi-millionaire. (I only wish I were joking....)
8:00 10 BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER
Prof. Welsh's Frankenstein monster goes berserk on campus (on the upside, he pledges Alpha Delta Chi).
9:00 13 THE JON BENET RAMSEY STORY -- Movie
(2000) Sorry, but there are some things even I won't joke about. (HAW! HAWWW! That's a good one!!)
