8:00 NBC FRIENDS

Chandler and his future father-in-law celebrate the upcoming wedding by buying each other lap-dances.

8:00 WB GILMORE GIRLS

Rory is forced by her unfeeling grandparents to play "the sport of fools"--golf!

8:00 CBS THE FUGITIVE

Dr. Kimble gets a fake ID! Whoooooo! Let's go to the strip clubs!

8:00 UPN WORLD'S NASTIEST NEIGHBORS

Actual footage of neighbor vs. neighbor, including one using gasoline to write on the lawn "Mr. Johnson eats ass!"

9:00 WB SHEENA

Hotsy-totsy queen of the jungle (Baywatch's Gena Lee Nolin) uses the hypnotic power of her loincloth to catch some poachers.

10:00 CBS THE DISTRICT

Police Chief Mannion devises a plan to clean up the most crime-ridden block in D.C.--arrest all the black people.

9:00 E! TRUE HOLLYWOOD STORY

A hit man is hired to bump off a sideshow attraction named "Lobster Boy." (Note from the chef: Always dip your lobsters into boiling water head-first.)

10:30 FX ACTION

Party of Five's Scott Wolf wants to be in Peter's movie, but Peter is looking for someone a bit taller than five-foot-three.

8:00 FOX BOSTON PUBLIC

Debut! David E. Kelley's series about teachers trying to remain sane in the public school system.

9:00 FOX ALLY McBEAL

Season Premiere! Ally's back, and this time she's joined by ex-junkie jailbird, Robert Downey Jr.!

8:00 WB BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER

For those of you wondering what's up with Buffy's new sis, this episode promises answers!

8:00 ABC ONCE AND AGAIN

Season Premiere! Rick and Lily try to get their families together, with predictably lousy results.

9:00 NBC THE WEST WING

The poop slams the fan in the White House when the prez offers a job to a goddam Republican!