8:00 CBS SURVIVOR
Okay... so who gets eaten by the crocodile? And is this retaliation for the pig incident?
8:00 WB GILMORE GIRLS
Rory's deadbeat dad comes riding into town, thinking he's all great and looking just infuriatingly dreamy!
10:00 CBS BIG APPLE
Debut! A new cop show starring Ed O'Neill, Michael Madsen, and (Eeeeeeeeee!) Donnie Wahlberg.
8:00 FOX SOLDIER--Movie
(1995) Kurt Russell stars as a hunky android who burns his cyber-bra to avoid the draft.
9:00 WB POPULAR
The girls want to meet more sophisticated men, so they... go to a FRAT party??!??!!
9:00 WB SHEENA
A jungle earthquake (?) traps Sheena--with only one clean loincloth and NO makeup!
9:30 NBC SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE
Featuring special guest host, Jennifer "J. Lo" Lopez!
9:00 ABC AMY AND ISABELLE--Movie
(2001) A shy 16-year-old has a hotsy-totsy affair with her math teacher (Rrrrroowrrr!).
9:00 FOX THE LONE GUNMEN
Debut! Those computer-hacking dweebs from The X-Files get their own show.
Monday, March 5
10:00 TBS KELLY'S HEROES--Movie
(1970) Clint Eastwood, Telly Savalas, and Don Rickles steal an assload of gold from a bunch of Nazi goose-stepping Krauts!
March 6
10:00 ABC NYPD BLUE
Three goth kids get depressed after being accused of murder. (Waitasecond! They were already depressed!!)
10:00 FX WORLD'S MOST SHOCKING MEDICAL VIDEOS
Featuring gangrenous faces and a man impaled on a spike. You bring the popcorn!
March 7
8:30 NIK ALF MARATHON!
Multiple episodes of outer space's smart-assiest, cat-eating alien.
10:30 COM TV FUNHOUSE
The Anipals take a field trip to explore the glamorous world of lab animals!
