8:30 NBC INSIDE SCHWARTZ
Debut! A nebbishy sportscaster can't score with the chicks, so he fantasizes about athletes. Rrrowwrr!
10:00 CBS THE AGENCY
Debut! Gil Burrows (Ally McBeal) stars as a sensitive agent working for the CIA. Okay, that's believable.
9:00 FOX PASADENA
A new nighttime soap that's dag-NASTY!!
10:00 ABC ONCE AND AGAIN
Season premiere! Lily and Rick's families move in together, and all is well--until Eli gets locked up in the pokey!
8:00 ABC MISS AMERICA PAGEANT
Nothing says "America" like a girl in a swimsuit playing the trombone and waxing poetic about "world peace."
9:00 CBS CITIZEN BAINES
Debut! A senator loses the election and returns home to face the humiliation he so rightly deserves.
8:00 FOX RUSH HOUR--Movie
(1998) Chris Tucker and Jackie Chan team up to put the whup-ass on criminals and exchange racial barbs.
7:00 FX BUFFY, THE VAMPIRE SLAYER
The FX network is rerunning the entire first season of Buffy! Whoopee!!
8:00 FOX WHO WANTS TO BE A PRINCESS?
Three women compete for the love of a European prince. And now I will vomit down my shirt.
8:30 ABC WHAT ABOUT JOAN?
Debut! A new sitcom starring Joan Cusack. And speaking of which... what about my syphilis??
9:00 ABC BOB PATTERSON
Debut! Jason Alexander stars as a short, fat crabby guy who is a motivational speaker. (Hey! At least the "speaker" part is new!)
8:00 UPN STAR TREK: ENTERPRISE
Debut! A prequel to the original Star Trek, with Scott Bakula as the hot 'n' horny predecessor to Cap'n Kirk!
9:00 NBC WEST WING
Season premiere! Prez Bartlet forgets to apologize to the country for the MS thingy. Whoopsy!
