8:00 NBC FRIENDS
Heart-rending hilarity ensues when Rachel finally drops 8 lbs. of ugly fat (her baby, that is).
8:00 FOX M*A*S*H 30th ANNIVERSARY REUNION
Please. If you absolutely must watch this show, make sure there are no loaded weapons in the house!
10:00 TBS ENTER THE DRAGON--Movie
Bruce Lee infiltrates the secret island of an opium lord and kicks 47 people in the nuts.
8:00 FOX THE X-FILES
Mulder returns to the show, and is forced in a court of law to explain why his movie career has been so disappointing.
8:00 NBC FEAR FACTOR
Former champions return for an opportunity to win money and swim with crocodiles.
8:00 WB BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER
The moral? Never make a lesbian angry.
9:00 FOX 24
Jack solves the case and decides it's time for a change of clothes.
8:30 FOX CELEBRITY BOXING 2
Eight new wash-ups duke it out in the ring, including Joey Buttafuoco vs. John Wayne Bobbitt!
To all the girls I've porked before... steve@thestranger.com