LIMITED RUN


* Chetzemoka's Curse
Only the second American film to recieve Dogme 95 certification, Chetzemoka's Curse was shot in 10 days in Port Townsend by Feature Filmmaking at Used Car Prices author Rick Schmidt, who attends this evening's screening. Seattle Art Museum, Sat at 7 pm.

* Day of the Beast
Almodovar protégé Alex de la Iglesia creates a dark comedy about a priest in search of the Antichrist. He believes he must "act evil" in hopes of drawing the devil to him so he can be destroyed, so the priest embarks on a series of criminal escapades. Grand Illusion, Fri-Sat at 11 pm.

* Dog Soldiers
Soldiers on a training exercise run across some blood stains where a squad of special-ops forces used to be, and embark on a mission to find out what exactly wiped them out. As it happens, the answer is werewolves. This smart and scary horror film has as much respect for the werewolf genre as it does for the military, which is a rare combination. (ANDY SPLETZER) Egyptian, Fri-Sat at midnight.

* Hidden Wars of Desert Storm
This shocking documentary distinguishes itself from similarly themed bretheren by casting a light on the bad (verging on atrocious) behavior of the U.S. military during the first Gulf War not only against its Iraqi client/enemies, but against its own soldiers, many tens of thousands of whom have died or been debilitated by their exposure to depleted uranium in their own armaments. This video, narrated by John Hurt, should be required viewing for all hawks who believe that another incursion into Iraq is (A) the best thing for everyone, and (B) the logical next step in the war against theocratic fascism. The question is not whether the despot Saddam Hussein must be removed (obviously, he must), but whether the U.S. military industrial complex can do the job without decimating Iraq's land and citizenry, and its own goddamn cavalry in the process. (SEAN NELSON) Rendezvous, Thurs at 7 pm.

If I Should Fall From Grace: The Shane MacGowan Story
See review this issue. JBL Theater, Wed Dec 18 at 7 pm, 9.

* Roman Holiday
Gregory Peck and Audrey Hepburn (swoon!) star in this breezy little trifle about a slumming princess and an undercover reporter in one of the world's most beautiful cities. Grand Illusion, Fri-Sun at 3:30 pm, 6, 8:30, Tues-Thurs at 6 pm, 8:30.

Ultra
Capitalism totally blows. Seriously. Need proof? See Ultra's third week of programming, including the Seattle premiere of Smell-O-Vision and a shorts collection, including Don Hertzfeld's Academy Award-nominated, milk-out-your-nose funny animated short Rejected. Little Theatre, see Movie Times for specific information.

Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders From Mars
See review this issue. Varsity, Fri-Sun at 2:45 pm, 5, 7:30, 9:45, Mon-Thurs at 7:30 pm, 9:45.

new this week


DRUMLINE
Rarely do freshmen make the drumline, but thanks to his phat chops, my man Devon makes the cut. Of course we all know that you can take the boy out of the 'hood, but you can't take the 'hood out of the boy. What this film presupposes is, maybe you can? Does this ruff 'n' tumble protagonist have heart enough to overcome the obstacles? Will he and the band take top honors at the BET Big Southern Classic, or will he let his dreams and the girl slide through his fingers? I probably needn't tell you that Drumline is so predictable that it's over before you even walk into the theater, but if for some reason you make it that far, I won't say that it's unwatchable. JONATHAN MAHALAK Meridian, Redmond, Woodinville

The Hot Chick
It's sort of like that Disney movie with Jodie Foster and Barbara whatsherbutt, wait, no..., more like that movie with Kirk Cameron and Dudley Moore where, no, wait..., it's kinda like that movie Switch with Ellen Barkin. Yeah, but this one's got Rob "Sensitive Naked Man" Schneider. Factoria, Meridian, Redmond, Varsity, Woodinville

Lord of the Rings: the Two Towers
See Stranger Suggests. Majestic Bay, Metro, Pacific Place

Maid in Manhattan
See review this issue. Metro, Factoria, Oak Tree, Pacific Place, Woodinville

* Quitting
You're young, you're gifted, you're an actor, and you've begun your ascent to superstardom. How do you avoid becoming completely alienated from everyone and everything? If you said, "Have your traditionalist parents arrive in the big city and declare their intention to move in with you," you'd be horribly wrong, but you'd also be describing the plot of this new movie from the talented director of Shower. Metro

Star Trek: Nemesis
The age of the colon continues as the infinitely less deridable Next Generation cast fights with somebody somewhere in this, the purported final journey of Picard and his minion. Factoria, Oak Tree, Pacific Place, Varsity, Woodinville

NOW PLAYING


* 8 Mile
8 Mile works because you believe the story, however fictionalized it clearly is. (JENNIFER MAERZ)

Adam Sandler's 8 Crazy Nights
Adam Sandler plays a twentysomething loser with a bad temper for a change. But wait! This time his performance will have no choice but to be animated! "Look, I'm Crazy Cartoonhead!"

Analyze That
See review this issue.

Ararat
With Ararat, Atom Egoyan (The Sweet Hereafter) attempts to address not just the 1915 genocide of Armenia and its lingering effects on the identity of Armenians and Turks, but also the very meanings of denial, memory, and fractured modern family life. With roughly three plots and even a film within a film tossed into the mix, the rickety construction threatens to collapse in upon itself at several points, which serves only to distract from the powerful truths at its foundation. (TAMARA PARIS)

Bowling For Columbine
For a while, Moore seems on to something--a culture of fear endemic to our country--but in the end, he shortchanges the psychological complexity in favor of cheap shots. He wants to say something great, but ultimately doesn't. Can't, maybe. Because he isn't really a social critic, he's a demagogue. (SEAN NELSON)

Comedian
The reason this documentary will stand as a work of greatness for decades to come is simple: It absolutely nails the psychology of the standup comic, the most narcissistic, petty, self-obsessed, hateful, and bitter breed of entertainer known to mankind. (SEAN NELSON)

Die Another Day
After about two hours of workman-like action and suspense, and a battery of sexual innuendo about as subtle and charming as a herpes sore, the 20th James Bond film finally surrenders to its own muddled identity. (SEAN NELSON)

El Crimen del Padre Amaro
Stylish photography with just enough overexposure to suggest blinding sun; excellent character acting from half the beautiful people in Mexico; a fun soundtrack. But the script? The script is taken from a melodramatic Portuguese novel written in 1875. It had little to do with the actual Church of 1875, let alone today; it's a soap opera. Are you trying to tell me the Catholic Church has no sense of humor? (BARLEY BLAIR)

* The Emperor's Club
Though the first third of The Emperor's Club plays like Dead Poets Society redux--genius teacher inspires emotionally undernourished trustafarians to excellence--the picture's trajectory is far subtler, and more troubling. Where one film was a crowd-pleasing paean to personal freedom, the other is an elegy to the passing of intellectual and moral rigor as a way of life. Where one was a character study, the other is a study of Character. (SEAN NELSON)

Empire
What the preview promised: tough Latino drug dealer from the South Bronx, Victor Rosa (John Leguizamo), gets fucked over by white Wall Street boy named Jack (Peter Sarsgaard) when Vic tries to go legit. What the movie delivers: trite drug-dealer shootouts and karaoke-video-quality shots of romance and heartache.

Equilibrium
Okay, you'll want to begin with a Fahrenheit 451 stock, season with The Matrix, Triumph of the Will, Minority Report, Ridley Scott's TV commercials, Orwell's 1984, Huxley's Brave New World, add some attractive actors (Christian Bale, Emily Watson, Sean Bean, Taye Diggs), and simmer until the audience is either giggling or snoring. (SEAN NELSON)

Extreme OPS
Some snowboarders and a prissy downhill skiing gold medalist end up on the top of a mountain in an abandoned resort, where a big bad terrorist man just happens to be hiding out after faking his death. (MEGAN SELING)

* Far From Heaven
In both style and substance, Far from Heaven pays homage to Douglas Sirk's classic 1956 melodrama All That Heaven Allows. But Todd Haynes' pitch-perfect inclusion of sexual confusion and racial bigotry into Sirk's original mix gives him the power to transcend his source material and create a melodramatic masterpiece all his own. (DAVID SCHMADER)

Frida
Frida is yet another artist's story that has been stripped of nuance and turned into a paean to something indiscriminately called "living," here with requisite Latin heat and groaning tables of erotically charged food. (EMILY HALL)

The Friday After Next
It's impossible for me to ask this without sounding entirely prudish, but, for god's sake, is nothing sacred? (ZAC PENNINGTON)

Half Past Dead
Tired Zen action hero Steven Seagal plays an FBI agent on the hunt for a high-tech criminal genius (Morris Chestnut) planning to break into a maximum security prison and rough up Ja Rule.

Harry Potter & The Chamber of Secrets
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets is a thunderous bore. (SEAN NELSON)

I-Spy
Almost proof that chemistry can trump originality. Almost. (BRADLEY STEINBACHER)

* Jackass: The Movie
Jackass is a perfect film. (SEAN NELSON)

Jonah: A Veggie Tales Movie
The computer-animated version of the pamphlets you find at bus stops.

* My Big Fat Greek Wedding
I love how this movie has been playing for like 25 years and has made 200 grillion dollars and no one I know has seen or even heard of it. (SEAN NELSON)

* Personal Velocity
The three short films that compose Personal Velocity are each devoted to catching women at crucial points of surrender that follow triumphant moments of success. Aside from the truly stellar acting and maddeningly perceptive writing, what distinguishes this picture is the filmmaker's refusal to connect the stories with any but the slimmest of narrative threads. As a result, each woman comes off as individually necessary--the one quality each one secretly desires above all else. (SEAN NELSON)

Punch-Drunk Love
Starring Adam Sandler, Emily Watson, and Philip Seymour Hoffman, Punch-Drunk Love is a confused story--not confusing to the audience, but confused within itself. (BRADLEY STEINBACHER)

Real Women Have Curves
Real Women is a lowest-common-denominator piece of silky propaganda. (MICHAEL SHILLING)

Red Dragon
Clunky and breathtakingly unoriginal, Brett Ratner's film is an absolute paint-by-numbers affair. (BRADLEY STEINBACHER)

The Ring
There are a few jumps here and there, along with one startling image near the end involving a TV, but for the most part The Ring just sorta trudges along, rarely surprising, often befuddling. (BRADLEY STEINBACHER)

The Santa Clause 2
The most unnecessary sequel since Silent Night, Deadly Night 4.

* Secretary
Maggie Gyllenhaal plays Lee Holloway, a slightly retarded nymphet secretary just released from a loony house, who develops a subversive relationship with her employer, played by James Spader. Part of Secretary's singular quality is that the heroine's problem is never resolved. She entrenches herself deeper and deeper in her "sick" dependency, and ultimately, it becomes her virtue. (MEG VAN HUYGEN)

Solaris
Like all Steven Soderbergh films, Solaris is well crafted and acted. (CHARLES MUDEDE)

Spirited Away
In spite of its conspicuous cute deficiency, Spirited Away is by all means a striking visual composition--just make sure you're not drowsy going in. (ZAC PENNINGTON)

Standing in the Shadows of Motown
A functional if not exactly riveting documentary about the session musicians who composed the backbone of the Motown sound but whom no one has ever heard of. (SEAN NELSON)

Sweet Home Alabama
More like Suck Home Alasucka.

They
In this undercooked and dreadfully boring example, some folks who were haunted by "the thing under the bed" when they were kids come to discover that the thing was real, and for some reason it's come back to get them. Why? Probably because they are clichéd characters who were born to die. (ANDY SPLETZER)

Treasure Planet
Updating Robert Louis Stevenson's pirate classic for the space-age is a fun conceit. Unfortunately, this kid's movie, which keeps the the "aye-matie" setting intact while beautifully working in computer wizardry, high-tech skate boarding, space ships, and dimensional portals, is far too wholesome to thrill. Wholesome might be good for kids, but kids simply aren't going to pay attention to this well-intentioned, but truly square rendition of Stevenson's bawdy novel. (JOSH FEIT)

* The Trials of Henry Kissinger
This documentary, based on the writing of Christopher Hitchens, indicts the most famous diplomat of the late-20th century as a war criminal. As the evidence mounts, you can feel the creeping awareness of justice on the verge; of a political manipulator about to be called to answer for his power games. Whether or not this actually happens remains to be seen. But just the thought of it, and the measured, intellectual fervor--as opposed to stock liberal passion--with which the prosecution proceeds, lends a sense of hope to those of us who have been conditioned to expect the worst from our leaders, and to assume they will always get away with it. (SEAN NELSON)

* The Way Home
It's no surprise that this Spielbergy gem is the first feature film from Korea chosen for major distribution. It's a wonderfully gentle, humorous, and respectful tearjerker about an angry boy (Seung-Ho Yoo) from the big city left in the care of his mute grandmother (78-year-old newcomer Eul-Boon Kim). (TAMARA PARIS)