8:00 NBC FRIENDS After a night of karaoke, Monica thinks she's hot snot on china, when in actuality, she's a cold booger on a paper plate.
9:00 WB THE SURREAL LIFE When the gang lose all their money in Vegas, Hammer is forced to bet his parachute pants.
8:00 FOX FASTLANE Van and Deaque must put on their trendiest clothes to catch a cop killer.
8:00 BET DISORDERLIES--Movie (1987) The '80s rap group the Fat Boys are hired by a hospital to take care of a millionaire. See, that's what we're missing from today's movies: REALISM.
8:00 E! TRUE HOLLYWOOD STORY A behind-the-scenes peek at The Gong Show, which can't be as depressing as the George Clooney version.
10:00 ANI ULTIMATE ANIMAL ODDITIES Graphic examples of forbidden love in nature! Including: crow and kitten, duck and dog, and wiener dog and cordless phone.
9:00 ABC ALIAS Sydney is assigned to discover two things about special guest star Ethan Hawke: Is he a double agent, and what's with the crooked teeth?
10:00 NBC KINGPIN Debut! A powerful drug family takes on the DEA in this TV remake of Scarface.
8:00 NBC FEAR FACTOR In this episode entitled the "All Gross Show," contestants bob for objects in a 50-gallon tub of cow's blood. Yup, that's gross, all right.
8:00 UPN BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER After kissing one of the slayers-in-training, Willow goes through a strange transformation (not heterosexuality, I assume).
9:30 NBC A.U.S.A. Debut! A new comedy about the office of an assistant U.S. attorney, starring Jennifer Garner's hottie hubby, Scott Foley.
9:00 WB ANGEL Angel's a bloodthirsty killer again, so the gang tosses him into a cage until he learns some manners.
9:00 FOX BERNIE MAC Bernie offends Wanda's new boss, who turns out to be... (gulp!) Wesley Snipes?!?
Spoiler e-mail alert! steve@thestranger.com
