What's up with that, indeed. Thank you for daring to ask the big questions, Jenice Armstrong.

Speaking of Lindy: Due to her regrettably discontinued Google alert for "feces," it falls to me to inform you of the New Jersey teenager who made headlines by defecating in a classmate's soda.

Prime info bit:

A judge ordered the boy to serve probation, serve 200 hours of community service, write a letter to the victim to apologize-and to write a 1,000-word report on why it's unhealthy to ingest fecal matter.

That's going to be a good report.