... at the Uptown cinema. But it was presented by the wiseguys of Master Pancake Theater (touring the NW from Austin) and they heavily fuck with the film: stop it, skip parts, splice in bits from other movies, perform sketch-comedy riffs, play drinking games, talk over the dialogue...

They were great, and it was the only way I could've sat through a Twilight movie—one third of my brain swimming through the sea of vapidity and two-thirds enjoying the jokes.

But one thing I didn't catch: Why are vampires sparkly in the sunshine? Their skin is made of diamonds? Their sweat glands are full of glitter? It's such a weird—and culturally loaded—detail.

And here's a sentence I never thought I'd type: I'm looking forward to the Twilight sequel.

Tonight, Master Pancake Theater brings their crazy Twilight evisceration to Portland's Cinema 21.