Comments

1
I never read 'em, and only saw the first one, but I recall hearing mention that the "sparkle" is the evidence of the last remaining effect of sunlight on them. They'd picked Forks as a city because it's "the most overcast place in the world" or something, so there's not that much sunlight? (Wtf?) But there's a little bit of sunlight... so they don't burn to a crisp... they just sparkle... or somethjing...
2
Bah! Sorry I missed this.
3
I don't understand why everyone hates on Twilight. Our kids will one day ask us how it felt to live at a time when the best bad movies ever made came out.
4
It's her twist on the mythology. Vamps don't die in sunlight, they just sparkle like crazy, giving away their super secret (the fact that vamps exist). This is why they moved to Forks...
5
That sounds like a lot of fun. I'm sorry to have missed it.

Hey, their home base is the Drafthouse? That's the chain that kicked out the cell phone girl. I am rather liking this place.
6
My girlfriend and I have been watching the series with similar aid from the guys at Rifftrax and, yeah, with those, we're really looking forward to seeing the next movie. Y'know, when it's out on DVD and we can get it from Redbox and spend a night cackling.
7
@ 1 and 4. I understand that part—but *why* do they sparkle in the sunshine? What about vampire anatomy causes that?
8
Vampire lore note: Vampires did not die in the sunlight until 1922 when Nosferatu completely ruined the whole thing. Dracula was only stronger at night, but in no way harmed by the daylight. Nosferatu took many liberties with the story (and the producers got their asses sued by Bram Stoker's estate), one of which being the lame-ass deus-ex-machina resolution-by-sunrise.

For some reason, that piece stuck with vampires for the next 90 years or so.
9
@7 - Maybe with a really good sunblock, any vampire would sparkle like that.
10
@7: It's their latent homosexuality. At least that's my theory. The parts of the book that don't read like the vamp's an overly possessive dipshit of a boyfriend, he reads gayer than a tree full of monkeys. He doesn't want to touch her, he keeps her on a pedestal, blah blah blah. They're like repressed Elton Johns.

I don't recall if she ever said WHY, in her brain, they sparkle.
11
If they just would have move to Sequim, none of this would have ever happened.

Also, am I hearing it wrong or do these movies end with the one dude that doesn't get the girl dating her baby as a consolation? That's some Biblical shit right there.
12
Nice try Brendan, but Schmader already used the correct, proper spelling in his SLOG post yesterday, and it's also correctly spelled on The Stranger's own Suggests page, so what's the point of insisting on misspelling it now?

Grand Experiment = FAIL.
13
@7: Bedazzler. Ask Dolly Parton to explain it to you. Duh.
14
Brendan - magic. She never really explains.
15
@10 - Pfft. I know lots of closet cases who don't sparkle at all.
16
@11 - That is pretty much exactly what happens. One of the earlier books establishes a magical werewolf love-at-first-sight thing, and Jacob bonds-or-whatever-I'm-not-looking-it-up with the little dhampir baby.

I guess she grows up really fast, so it's only completely icky instead of...err...
17
The definition of sunlight is pretty fuzzy too. He's apparently able to sit in the kitchen of Bella's mom's place in Miami, looking out through a sliding-glass door at them sunbathing, without lighting up like a Christmas Tree.

All of this is just a lot of words that add up to "the shit is poorly written, and please stop thinking about it"
20
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21
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22
Egarly waiting for twilight breaking dawn part 2 where Bela finally turns into a Vampire

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