Anyone in it show their tits?
Gee. I’m glad you warned me. I thought it was supposed to be a raunchy comedy. I didn’t realize that it was a feminist morality play. Sounds like it really missed the mark!
You know that stereotype that feminists are dour, humorless scolds that shit on everything that doesn't conform to every single one of their personal beliefs?

Just a stereotype I guess.
Danielle, ignore the people who would rather bury their heads in the sand than critically examine the status quo if that examination leads to even an ounce of White Male Discomfort (TM). That was an excellent review. And frankly absolutely hilarious in the gallows humor sense.
Hahahaha. I love a well written full-throated takedown.

@2 & 3, this movie is being roundly panned by most critics. Are all the critics humorless feminist scolds?
You could pretty much tell from the commercials this was how it would turn out. But @3 can go spend his money and have a good time watching it, since he knows just how seriously not to take it.
I just saw Cameron Diaz introduce a clip from this on the Tonight show, and it left me thinking, "Jeez, that was the BEST scene they could come up with? That's the scene they want representing the film? How awful must the rest of this be?"
I'm not saying this film isn't a pile of shit, but seriously, they "drive the topless Jeep of colonialism over the bodies of my disenfranchised ancestors"? Come on that's just embarrassing.
Other than playing douchebags for, you know, a living, what has Coster-Waldau done to deserve that description? He looks handsome to me. I guess I like beady eyes.

Oh my goodness, seriously? Danielle's definitely making a point about what she's describing as the film's casual racism, but how any alert reader can see that line as anything other than deliberately over the top is beyond me. Lighten the hell up and get the fuck over it already. Geez!

They're all old, who wants to see that?
I can think of way worse lenses to put to a topic than gender and race. Class is right up there as well.

People who wander through life woefully blind in those areas always come across as blowhard buffoons who have zero compunction about showing off their willful blindness. Dunning-Kruger in effect.
Tell us how you really feel, Danielle.

The title alone made my eye twitch, the first time I read it.

I knew nothing good could come of that.
Gosh, now I just want see Kate Upton:)
Fox news has a different take.... trying to get the men not to completely skip it. If a woman like Cameron Diaz gives the world a pass on ogling Kate (a SI swimsuit model, among other things) in a bikini, surely it's ok, right?…
Kate Upton thanks co-stars for helping with her bikini beach jog in ‘The Other Woman”

about Upton’s famous body, (Cameron) Diaz had nothing but praise.

“Are you kidding me? We got to see it firsthand,” she said. “Y’all have to see it up on the screen.”
So Danielle, did you like it?
@16 do you live under a rock and lighten up Danielle there is no racism here. And while I'm a male I ain't white.
Somebody's doing a pretty good Lindy West impersonation (that's a compliment).
Great review! Hilarious!

Review made me laugh. Thanks!
Dare I suggest this review sometimes approaches a Lindy West vs. Sex And The City 2 level of greatness? Thanks for writing it, I really enjoyed reading it. Really smart and funny. Good headline, too.
"A Shit Sandwich Wrapped In Shit...In A Bag Made Entirely of Shit...primetime dick..gauntlet of fuckery...oh fuck no!..." etc.

This is writing, you think. No, it's just the Slog, aptly named, in which precision and description and actual prose are replaced by lazy beginning writers on those motherfucking curse crutches, taking the non-thinking, uncreative easy way out.

Sloppy, inexact and ultimately and immediately forgettable.
@23: I gotta agree. The writing is so sloppy that I'm not sure who the object of revenge is supposed to be. Sonny Crockett or Jaime Lannister? The preceding bit is about Johnson's character in this ridiculous restaurant, but why would all three leads team up against him (weird and douchey as he sounds)? Or are "they" the servers in the restaurant? I think Danielle was ready to get out and start her weekend, and slapped this out without proofreading.

Also, there's no possible way Cameron Diaz could be "too sexy". You can multiply zero by a billion, but you still end with zero again.

Great. Let's sprinkle this all with a little bit of agism, as well.
Thank you for that hilarious, and as far as I can glean from the trailer and other sources, entirely accurate review.
I am sorry that you are, like so many other women ( oh who am I kidding? 99.999% of women) on the internet, plagued by a coterie of basic ass douche canoes who, were you to declare the sky blue, would hustle to their key boards to accuse you of feminist color blindness, or tone troll you for using the low class "blue" when "azure" is clearly the superior choice used by real writers, or completely misread the statement and ascribe to you the opinion that the sky is green. ( I'm looking at you Knat. It is the premise of the movie that Cameron Diaz is too sexy)

Anyhoo, glad you're here, and love your work. Xoxo
A woman (Melissa Stack) wrote the screenplay.
Not sure what to make of that....
Danielle: Don't take this personally. But you're not a very good movie reviewer. Perhaps you should consider another career. If Seattle raises the minimum wage to $15 an hour, perhaps take a minimum-wage job (which probably pays more than what you're making right now!). Just saying'.
Awesome review! You are hilarious as well. Fuck these dumb films. Bridesmaids included. It's not even about being a feminist. It's about how boring and stupid these storylines are.
@26: The remark about Cameron Diaz wasn't a criticism of Danielle's writing. Given my previous paragraph criticizing her confusing explanation of the narrative, I can see how you'd interpret it that way though. I just meant that I've never found Cameron Diaz to be attractive, and even if it's the movie's narrative that this is the case, that doesn't mean I'll ever believe it. The latter part was me declaring my opinion of Cameron Diaz "for the record."

And I don't care about the use of cursing. It seems appropriate for a review of a movie this awful. I should have been more specific: I was agreeing with the "sloppy, inexact, and... forgettable" characterization of the review. Had I been more specific, maybe I wouldn't have had to write an even longer post offering clarification. Ah well. It's Sunday, I don't have much else to do.

All that aside, thank you for offering the clarification.
@26 In keeping with the practice of the feminist hivemind echoing each other's abrasive misandry, I would like to applaud and cosign your comment.
Fat unattractive women hate attractive women so become angry feminists. Why is this news?
You're right, Miss Andry, and I feel terrible for men too. Wait. No. In the words of the great Liz Lemon: opposite!
@30: Ah! Thank you, I'm sorry I misunderstood you.
@ 31 & 33: :)
Bravo Danielle!! Of course this movie is a Pile. More please. Go and see them so we don't have to.
I choose Kate Upton's boobs! I would be faithful to them until the end of time.
Fantastic dead-on hilarious review. Too funny. Thank you!
I pray for the day that I get the opportunity to line up half the people in this thread and kick them in the balls
Meh, I'm feminist and had low expectations when a friend dragged me to it. It wasn't bad, though. It had some really good laughs. I agree that the "African documentary" comment was out of line and totally unnecessary. And looking back it probably doesn't actually pass the Bechdel test, which is a sad fact given the ample opportunities it has. But as far as dumb movies go, I don't think this one is worth calling in the cavalry. It has moments of stretching toward a feminist message, which is more than I can say for the majority of the current lineup. It made me laugh quite a few times, and my eyes rolled only once or twice. That's not half-bad in my book.
Also, there's no possible way Cameron Diaz could be "too sexy". You can multiply zero by a billion, but you still end with zero again.

Thank goodness I'm not the only one! Ugh. I have never understood the appeal there.
Must have lifted the sassy black secretary directly from the Sex in the City movie, where they added a sassy black friend in the form of Carrie's assistant. Their exchanges were just embarrassing.
@3: Does that make you a feminist? Because none of your posts are ever funny.
Ms. Henderson, are you Bahamian? I am and I'm not sure you know what an ancestor is.
The review's title is now my screen saver.
Thank you for writing this. The nipple comment was one of the most racist and inappropriate things I've heard in a major Blockbuster in a while. We have to stand up, and make sure that the film industry knows that we will not tolerate racism, sexism, etc. It's rated PG-13 for god's sake
Stab yourself in the face to death with a dildo made of hemp.

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