Concessions 90210

Lindy vs. 3-D Jar Jar Binks

Comments

1
Oh hey another awful Lindy column, great
2
I'm glad to know I STILL don't have to see that fucking movie again.
3
A return to form! A tour de force!

No, not Lucas.
4
One thing I've noticed about creative people in LA is that they eventually end up putting a little more effort into playing the character they've invented for themseleves than into, well, being creative.
5
And in case ANYONE out there still needs convincing, here is this review, condensed into a 70-minute video.
6
I love you, Lindy.
7
@4 This movie isn't about LA, it's about SPACE.
8
For me the amusement is The Blue Lagoon in Outer Space, a.k.a., Star Wars II, Attack of the Clones in which George Lucas lets his 'imagination' run wild.

There was one sequence where Portman had a clothing change in every jump cut!
9
Ha ha ha, awesome!
10
I saw this piece of shit. It still hurts. Thank you, NOT, for reminding me of it.

Oh, and Lucas sucks.
11
I think I'm the only earthling above the age of 8 who likes this movie. I also like Jar Jar and Ewoks. I know it was disappointing for kids of the 70s. I did hate the 2-headed announcer(s) during the pod race video game ad.
12
Monsterpiece Theatre is my new favorite phrase.
13
A dozen years aren't enough to erase the memory of how bad that movie was on a big screen.

I shudder to think anyone in their right mind would subject themselves -- or children! My God, think of the children! -- to that sewer trip, ever again.

No less in 3D.

The only hope in hell for my reviewing would be if it was re-released as a silent -- to be spared, at least, from the dialogue, as wooden as a redwood when it wasn't promoting racist stereotypes.
15
As I've said elsewhere, George Lucas's "Red Tails" movie is a $58 million apology to all black people everywhere for 'Jar-Jar Binks', and a richly deserved one.

I personally might be able to forgive him, but I would *never* *EVER* inflict Jar-Jar on myself or anyone else, ever again. I've got a feeling there's gonna be cobwebs on those theater seats in the cinemas where it's playing.
16
@11 I did not hate the announcer. I cannot hate Greg Proops.
17
The only good thing about Star Wars is the first movie: "Star Wars"! But before Lucas toyed with it. "Empire" was less bad than the rest of the movies, which were horrific in their cheesy boredom.
18
The Phantom Menace was the worst of the Star Wars movies, by a wide margin. Unspeakably bad. Why Lucas would decide it was a good idea to slap 3D on it and re-release it is beyond me... other than wanting to milk a few more dollars out of the franchise, I suppose.

There is no way I'm going to see the 3D re-release of this piece of shit. And I say that as a fan of the original Star Wars series.
19
I loathed the movie when I first made the mistake of paying to see it, and not for the racism underlying the Binx character and the hook-nosed businessman (which was appalling in it's unapologetic effrontery, but not terribly surprising), and not even for the wretched special effects, which -- if I remember right -- were borderline cartoonish, but because it was just such an uninspired story with characters that should have been -- but weren't -- exciting progenitors of the ones that the 10-year old in me loved buying popcorn to watch. Maybe I was just having a bad day, and maybe it had something to do with the fact that that 10-year old boy had some pretty dear memories for the movie to compete with (and I'll admit that I haven't watched those old movies lately to see if they stand up). All I know is that I left the theater pretty glum, feeling trounced upon and wishing I could flush those last hours from my mind. For me, the thing doesn't even compare to the two that followed it (although, with the bar set so low, my expectations and willingness to forgive, made the feat a pretty easy one; I'll admit to actually liking #2, but I was grasping for straws).

But Lindy [and pardon my poor writing; we're two margaritas into this, and I do tend to go on, when my blood is hot}, I generally love your writing (and obviously agree with you here, aside from your assertion that it "redefine[s] comedy itself"), but will have to side with Mr. Teller (short of his misogyny) if you don't make some effort to elevate your writing a bit. Seriously, seriously, SERIOUSLY [I get to say stuff like that, as I'm not a journalist, nor paid to be a clever writer], I know that you write for a generally youthful audience, but it's not pre-teen is it? If I take another shot of tequila for each incidence in your review where the prose becomes "hella" silly, it'll pickle me good! Please take it back up a notch, before you become, in my mind, a pandering caricature [wow, michael, that was harsh, and a little hyperbolic, no? yes, but I was trying to evoke the irony of some Binx-ish imagery, and failed, my not being as clever as I think I am when drinking tequila]. Good day, sir.
20
When I saw it with friends, we'd decided that it would have made a pretty good porno if Lucas had allowed the story to flow to its natural conclusion of mass de-robing and mass kerplunking.
21
This review and Phantom Menace have one thing in common: they're crap.
22
The one good thing to ever come from the Star Wars Prequels: the Plinkett Reviews. Wonderfully entertaining, informative, and fun to watch. Literally everything the actual movies were not.
23
The defining review for this film. Bravo Lindy!
24
@17. I'm a child of the 70s, and watching the original trilogy--pre-prequel, pre-digital fuckarounds--it actually hangs together pretty well. Star Wars was introductory without seeming introductory. (The Avengers prequels ought to have learned that lesson.) Empire was a nice, dark, moody set of plot complications that even managed a bit of character development here and there, and Return of the Jedi was zoom!, bang!, some set pieces and a wave goodbye.

Sure, it had its problems. Aside from Harrison Ford and the criminally underused Carrie Fisher, not a single performance is worth remembering; and Lucas categorically sucks at dialogue. But otherwise it's a model for what a franchise should hope to accomplish: a story arc that's long in time and broad in geography, and an ensemble cast engaged in a grand struggle.

Between Return of the Jedi and Fellowship of the Ring, there was almost a twenty-year drought where no media franchise approached Star Wars in quality, or even tried to. Lucas was something, once...
25
WhooooooEEE!! I was glad I never saw this piece of shit in 1999! Why the FUCK would anyone except Dumb and Dumber want to pay to actually see it again in 3-D?! Lucas needs the money THAT badly?
26
I've missed reading you, Lindy. This was wonderful.
27
*stands and applauds*
28
I saw it again. It was as bad as I thought it once was. Of course, no one is gonna cheer that review. It makes sense to take the easier route and agree that the movie isn't that good. But it isn't that bad.
29
POINTLESS.
30
Yay! Lindy takes aim, pulls the trigger, and sends 3D turdlets flying everywhere! Duck and cover! Yee-hah! (BTW, nice use of CAPITALS OF OUTRAGE.)

31
.. a month later and this piece of shit is STILL playing ? we're truly living in the end times...