Film/TV Mar 4, 2010 at 4:00 am

Alice in Wonderland: We’re Painting the Roses Bland!

Lindy West
Back to article

Comments

1
Ok...so I'm not the only one who thought Elijah Wood was playing the hatter when I first saw the poster.
Arsenic7 on March 5, 2010 at 6:35 PM Report this
2
You know what, Lindy...

Even though I could give or take most of your writing, and I think you should be canned for letting Mudede ever review a film [because, lord knows, his reviews are the worst of the worst]...your first paragraph is so fucking awesome, and, really spot on about the original books.
TheMisanthrope on March 5, 2010 at 7:04 PM Report this
3
fuck that, this movie was beautiful. i'm sorry it didn't live up to your childhood dreams or your existentialist breakthroughs, but i'd be hard-pressed to find a flaw in the characters of this movie -- they are beautiful reinterpretations, nothing bland about them.

to me, this column sounds like a lot of whining about how the movie didn't fit YOUR particular artistic tastes... well, lindy, maybe you should stop bitching about a field to which you contribute nothing but witty reviews, most of which are completely superficial anyway.

(i am not normally incensed by your column -- i often agree with your pronouncements and laugh at your sparkling wit, but this review is complete bullshit)
on March 6, 2010 at 1:13 PM Report this
4
I find it fascinating that the Burton/Depp duo took Willy Wonka to such a creepy and unnerving place, and then have gone and turned Wonderland into a chocolate factory.
PocketMouse on March 7, 2010 at 9:39 AM Report this
5
Mad Hatter (Johnny-Depp-as-Elijah-Wood-as-a-Bratz-doll)
HAHAHAHA. Dead on. Hilarious, Lindy.
Pamela on March 7, 2010 at 12:03 PM Report this
6
Lindy perhaps you should pursue a livelihood other than film review, for your words bare no resemblance to the movie. If it all bores you SOOO much go watch reruns of the Scooby Doo you grew up with.
on March 7, 2010 at 4:31 PM Report this
7
IT'S AN AMERICAN MADE CHILDREN'S MOVIE!!!

Pour yourself some decaf and take off your little hipster hat for a second and think about who the target audience is. If it was too deep and too trippy and too scary, people would complain they couldn't take their children to see it. Duh...

I agree in the sense that if they did a remake geared towards a more adult audience, it would have been way cooler. Maybe someone should do that, but this, my friend, was one of the coolest children's movies I've ever seen, especially in 3D.

Relax and go take your inner child to the park or something... geez!

on March 8, 2010 at 12:21 AM Report this
8
Though Carroll's books were birthed from stories he told to little girls, this movie was NOT meant for children. Children don't pay for shit and won't buy their 10th Tim Burton Hot Topic Collection t-shirt for the premier.
imissthecat on March 8, 2010 at 3:50 AM Report this
9
Also, I haven't seen the film yet but I can already tell it's bullshit. The Alice stories don't need make up that renders actors unrecognizable or millions of dollars worth of special effects in 3D.

My inner child doesn't want a pair of glasses that don't do work anyway-- it wants to be awed by stories that paint their own pictures, not CGI that robs a viewer of imagination and the need to take anything away from a film.
imissthecat on March 8, 2010 at 3:54 AM Report this
10
Haven't seen it yet, but people I know who did loved it. I'm looking forward to catching it in 3D.
Will in Seattle on March 8, 2010 at 12:08 PM Report this
11
"[T]hey traffic in uncanny unhelpfulness and hostile weirdness and the menacing indifference of nonsense."

Thanks, Lindy. I've been pretty baffled by people who think this version of Alice is really new and "scarier" than the original. I thought the original book (plus the Disney adaptation) was plenty creepy enough ... more of that "under your skin" weirdness than "hey it's a moat of heads" gore. It was more surreal to have things look mostly normal ... but off ... than this in-your-face wackiness.

I was actually pretty creeped out/a little scared by the Disney rendition as a kid, and I still get unsettled by it now. Even though "Disney" is a byword for "bland crap" these days, I think they nailed a lot in their adaptation.
Gloria on March 8, 2010 at 12:19 PM Report this
12

Sorry! Still looking forward to it. Your efforts have failed.
balmonter on March 8, 2010 at 12:21 PM Report this
13
I saw this film over the weekend in IMAX 3D...the screen is too goddamn big.

While I would say that the first few minutes of Depp as the Hatter are fabulous, he does go quite...sane...as the move progresses. And I would further agree that Helena Bonham Carter is wonderful. Crispin Glover...not so much. Anne Hathaway has her moments, but is generally awful. And the girl playing Alice...ugh.

However, the point - this movie is pointless and boring as shit. I confess I was pleased to get that little nap, and later confirmed that I didn't miss any plot points because...wait for it...there isn't really any plot!

So, there are more reasons to dislike this movie than it being boring. But yes. It sure as shit is pretty!
michaelp on March 8, 2010 at 12:22 PM Report this
14
This is the best review I've read of the movie yet. I was astonished I could be so bored, despite how gorgeous it was. The movie was like a vapid but beautiful teenage girl everyone likes because she's nice.
on March 8, 2010 at 12:37 PM Report this
15
This movie was fucking awful, for exactly the reasons mentioned in the review. It was like a death march for the imagination. Imagine someone heard "Eleanor Rigby", thought "that would make a great movie!", and then went line-by-line through the song explaining everything in the most boring way imaginable. (Father McKenzie? He was an Olympic pole vaulter! That rice Eleanor Rigby picks up? Basmati!) I would have left midway through it, but I thought my wife might be enjoying it. Then she leaned over shortly before it ended and said "I really hate this movie." Me too, darling.
Ahnon on March 8, 2010 at 12:41 PM Report this
16
Legions of angry goths march against Lindy.

I'm as scared for her as she would be of them.

Which is to say "not."
POH on March 8, 2010 at 12:52 PM Report this
17
I heard it was about math:

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/03/07/opinio…
STJA on March 8, 2010 at 1:05 PM Report this
18
I heard it was about math:

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/03/07/opinio…
STJA on March 8, 2010 at 1:18 PM Report this
19
Question: would this movie be more entertaining if one were under the influence of shrooms?
douchus on March 8, 2010 at 1:27 PM Report this
20
My childhood has been raped so many times that it just lives in a specially built room in the basement waiting to have another Fritzl-baby. Thanks, modern directors.
darkbeach72 on March 8, 2010 at 1:36 PM Report this
21
I'm glad to hear that this film is more evidence on my theory about Tim Burton movies, that he's great with original material (Edward Scissorhands, Big Fish, Beetlejuice, Mars attacks, Ed wood) and piss poor with anything else (batman returns, planet of the apes, charlie and the chocolate factory, sleepy hollow and now alice). Tim Burton needs to stop trying to put his "spin" on other peoples shit and do his own thing.
Super Jesse on March 8, 2010 at 1:38 PM Report this
22
^ Not true! Burton's Batman films are great!!
on March 8, 2010 at 2:08 PM Report this
23
Lindy, I couldn't agree with your assessment more. Burton's Alice kind of reminded me of that Wizard of Oz remake "Tinman," except not as interesting somehow.
on March 8, 2010 at 2:22 PM Report this
24
i'm a huge alice fan and i couldn't agree with your review more. there was no wonder or sense of exploration in this movie. it was reduced to a nonsensical action flick - but hey, at least it was pretty...
on March 8, 2010 at 2:24 PM Report this
25
What part of "it's for children" do you not understand?
on March 8, 2010 at 4:12 PM Report this
26
What part of "It's for children" do you not understand?
on March 8, 2010 at 4:14 PM Report this
27
Would one of the movie's defenders kindly explain to me how this movie is for children?

Are children these days so jaded that they're actually nostalgic for children's stories? Will they identify with a protagonist who, ostensibly, grew up already? Will they be able to appreciate this movie's semi-original take on the source material?

And, most importantly - why are you defending a kid's movie? Maybe Lindy's trying to warn those of us who would rather avoid something aimed at people less than half our own age?
iflurry on March 8, 2010 at 4:39 PM Report this
28
waaahhhh i'm a passive aggressive seattelite who doesn't know what to do when people disagree with me but now there's the internet where i can be totally ballsy in an anonymous pussy sort of way wahhwuuuhwaaahhhh
ullie coco on March 8, 2010 at 8:08 PM Report this
29
You're all jaded...
on March 8, 2010 at 11:43 PM Report this
30
@17: Thank you for providing a link to the NYT article. That was a really interesting read.
Knat on March 9, 2010 at 12:19 AM Report this
31
Thanks for the excellent review.

The source material is a fabulous satire on the absurdity of Victorian social norms with a good dose of logic games thrown in.

This film is some sort of Stardust-wannabe with a lame fantasy plot and a "if you believe in yourself, you can succeed" message. It's visually beautiful, the acting was pretty good, but fuck that shit.
mirth on March 9, 2010 at 1:27 PM Report this
32
Why on earth should "It's for children" be an excuse for a shoddy plot? So many of our most cherished narratives today, from Wonderland to Tolkien, started as stories read aloud to children. The key to a great children's story is not to dumb it down and render it meaningless; it's to take all the drama of human emotion and see it again through a child's eyes.
lymerae on March 10, 2010 at 11:56 AM Report this
33
Wow, you know, I take back anything I ever said about Lindy - she actually nailed this review spot-on. This "Alice" felt nothing like Alice at all; the nonsense world we grew up loving (or fearing) was completely lobotomized, replaced by an alarmingly straight-forward fetch quest to kill a dragon.
on March 10, 2010 at 9:16 PM Report this
34
I forgot that I watched this movie until I noticed that you reviewed it.
pf3 on May 30, 2010 at 1:59 AM Report this
35
The only good thing about the movie is that Stephen Fry - who is lovely - voices something in it, but I can't for the life of me remember what it is (a tapeworm or something)
on July 15, 2010 at 4:47 PM Report this
36
Burton's limited "atmosphere" gimmick was milked dry a long time ago and has become nothing more than a caricature of itself. I give the guy Pee-Wee's Big Adventure, Beetlejuice (probably his best film overall) and Ed Wood, and maybe Edward Scissorhands. Other than those, it's all been boring, overblown, pretentious bullshit. I would have walked out on Sleepy Hollow if not for the fact that I was with friends who insisted on sitting through it in its entirety, and do NOT get me started on the abortion that was Planet of the Apes.
Grandpa Bunche on July 24, 2010 at 5:53 PM Report this

Please wait...

Comments are closed.

Commenting on this item is available only to members of the site. You can sign in here or create an account here.


Add a comment
Preview
Posted by (your name here)

By posting this comment, you are agreeing to our Terms of Use.

More In Film/TV

SIFF Unveils Full 2024 Lineup
Mountainside Filmmaker Mikiech Nichols on Shooting His Film in Seattle and Trying to Avoid the “Manic Pixie Dream Girl” Trope
The Impossible Mr. Fripp
Leave the World Behind Is, as Usual, About a World We Do Not Want to Leave Behind
Stranger Suggests: Cat Power Sings Dylan, Eric Kim, Massive: The Power of Pop Culture, Squatters’ Cinema, and Free Daffodils
Gaza, the Empire, and Zack Snyder's Rebel Moon

Editors' Picks

The Problem with Proving, Again and Again, That Seattle and Portland Are Not Dying
Duvall Removes Pride Installation After Extremists Attacked It
No Clear Path Toward Criminalizing Drugs in Washington
Why Are We So Scared of Scooters?
District 3 City Council Candidate Andrew Ashiofu Wins Candidate Survivor in a Leather Harness
“Making White People Uncomfortable Is My Heroin.”
The Stranger
is a proud member of the media network
Masthead Ad Info & Rates Jobs at The Stranger Contact Privacy Policy Terms of Use Takedown Policy Find The Stranger Near You
Support The Stranger
All contents © Index Newspapers LLC
800 Maynard Ave S, Suite 200, Seattle, WA 98134