Burkas and Birkins

I Watched 146 Minutes of Sex and the City 2 and All I Got Was This Religious Fundamentalism

Comments

1
Doesn't this uber-materialistic chick flick seem jarringly tone-deaf, since it's like a Depression and stuff?
2
"a home video of gay men playing with giant Barbie dolls."

What a fantastic summary of this whole franchise.
3
I love you, Lindy West. I just, love, you.
4
i can hardly type through my tears and my breakfast has been spewn everywhere.
thanks.
5
Oh, for the love of...Lindy, I love you. I honestly love you.

I rented the first SATC from the library, because I sure the freck wasn't going to pay to be demoralized. But, I did want to get angry!
The single most brilliant line in this review:

"It is 146 minutes long...This is an entirely inappropriate length for what is essentially a home video of gay men playing with giant Barbie dolls."

A stretched out and exagerated vision of
what it means to be a woman is an ultimately depressing affair. I couldn't give a fart-damn-hell about the troubles of the rich and dumb.
6
Gah! Vomit! I feel defiled just by reading this shit. Not the review, the review was good. But the movie sounds like an extreme realization of our culture's deepest psychoses.

It makes me sad to think that my childhood idol (well, that's overstating it, but) Matthew Broderick could be cought up in this, even if by association. Do want to play a game? Tic Tac Toe? Global Thermonuclear War? Nah... Well, maybe just one missle, please.
7
greatest review ever!
8
This review is the best. thing. ever. I read it while I was on hold with the IRS and it truly made even a grueling task as that seem fun, thank you Lindy.
9
..are there lesbians this time ?
10
The worse a movie is, the more fun it is to read your reviews. This is amazing. Thanks.
11
Lindy: I suspect I'm going to agree with you on this film since I felt similarly about the first one.

That said, were you a fan of the show at all? I was, actually. Although occasionally it felt like "a home video of gay men playing with giant Barbie dolls" it had so much good stuff too.
12
Yes! I'm so excited you gave this movie I haven't yet seen an awful review so I can now feel better about already hating it and glaring down my nose at all the silly fools unbothered by a couple hours of over-the-top escapist fantasy.
13
Now I don't have to watch it. Ever. Thanks for the awesome review!
14
I must be missing the part of the gay gene that is supposed to make me love SATC crap. I tried to watch a couple of episodes and just could not stomach any of it.

Maybe this will hit the DVD discount bin by the end of next week?
15
Lindy is a genius.
16
Sounds fun. Lindy is a cunt.
17
please tell me you made the last three paragraphs of plot up even more than usual, please.
18
I was going to quote a line or two of this in an email, but I couldn't pick one line. Or even two lines. The entire review is solid gold. No, make that diamond.
19
i've been trying to explain to my friends for years why i NEVER watch that goddamn show. but i could never explain it quite so well as you, lindy: "SATC2 takes everything that I hold dear as a woman and as a human—working hard, contributing to society, not being an entitled cunt like it's my job—and rapes it to death with a stiletto that costs more than my car."
20
Those beyatches are toasting me? Me, who "suffers" with comfortable shoes and changing my own kid's diapers? Oh, the horrors of my life, raising my kid, wearing slippers, and never visiting Abu-Dhabi.

I hope they get fatty livers.
21
That was terrific.
22
Good thing Sam didn't kiss anyone.

That will get you thrown in jail for 90 days.
23
Just curious, what's a female penis?
24
@12 - are you Lindy's dad?

The whole series, while sometimes fun, did always have the cartoonish stereotype thing going on - women's characters written by men who apparently did not know any actual women, and simultaneously fetishized them and were terrified of them. But, see, I'm not from New York, don't know any wealthy New Yorkers, and the characters were like people from the planet Zircon to me, completely alien. Maybe there are people like that, people who actually want to buy and wear $600 shoes while living in cockroach-infested closets with a bathtub in the kitchen.

Some of the episodes were fun to watch, but it was very much like watching sci-fi. The women were all essentially heartless moneygrubbing harridans or blithering idiots, like all Noel Coward's female characters.

I do, however, cringe at the idea that a 52-year-old is past sex, or even through with menopause. But the whole Barbie dolls being played with by gay men idea is spot on.
25
Lindy West's review of Wicker Man is why I started reading the Stranger in the first place.
26
I love you to death, Lindy.

also-can we just remove the first comment? or move it down a couple notches? cause its stupid.
27
Please don't sew up your holes, Lindy! One of them is for talking!
28
@11 Special Brew, I agree. I used to love the show... I liked how they let women actually have and enjoy sex, and how the characters talked about sex like real women. That was a real rarity back when the show was young and good. But now...ick. I think maybe I've outgrown it? Or maybe the over the top costuming and wealth has just made it too unpalatable and unrealistic. Really, Abu Dhabi? Come on. The show used to be about single girls talking about their sex lives in a coffee shop. But camel riding in stilettos? Really? Gross.
29
Thank you, Lindy West.
30
dear lindy, i used to hate you but now you are ok with me. thanks, michael.
31
Until a review comes out that is scathing about the absurdity of Transformers or ANY of the Indiana Jones movies or when people decide to dimiss a film because the male star is in his 40s and still likes sex or when a reviewer will obsess over how 007 is shallow and obsessed with his material possessions I don't see how you can say this review is not sexist and demeaning. I am a man and many people call me a feminist, however I object to that word. The idea of feminism is simply believing in full equality between men and women. By this definition I like to think that everyone is a feminist but articles and reviews like this consistently prove me wrong.
32
Thank you for making me laugh, Lindy!
33
"If this is what modern womanhood means, then just fucking veil me and sew up all my holes."
34
I want to have your babies Lindy West!
35
Lindy West, you are effing brilliant.
36
@31: "Feminist" may be what people call you to your face, dude, but "wanker" is what they call you at all other times.

In other news, Lindy is hilarious.
37
@ 24 / Geni - " the cartoonish stereotype thing going on - women's characters written by men who apparently did not know any actual women"

Sadly, SatC was originally written and therefore characterized by a woman, and the series was mostly written by women.
38
Single greatest movie review in the history of cinema.

39
"Until a review comes out that is scathing about the absurdity of Transformers or ANY of the Indiana Jones movies or when people decide to dimiss a film because the male star is in his 40s and still likes sex or when a reviewer will obsess over how 007 is shallow and obsessed with his material possessions I don't see how you can say this review is not sexist and demeaning."

Start reading Filmdrunk, retard. We were calling that BS movie "Indiana Jones and His Kingdom of Werther's Originals" long before you thought up this ridiculous post, asshat.
40
"Until a review comes out that is scathing about the absurdity of Transformers or ANY of the Indiana Jones movies or when people decide to dimiss a film because the male star is in his 40s and still likes sex or when a reviewer will obsess over how 007 is shallow and obsessed with his material possessions I don't see how you can say this review is not sexist and demeaning."

Start reading Filmdrunk, retard. We were calling that BS movie "Indiana Jones and His Kingdom of Werther's Originals" long before you thought up this ridiculous post, asshat.
41
@31 that's because society judges men as individuals. women are judged not as individuals, but as representatives of all women, just as with any non-privileged group.
42
"Posted by Fozziebare13"

You're not a feminist, you're an Uncle-Tom sexist. Let's see if I can summarize your thoughts here:

You think that, because the author didn't take it upon herself to correct YOUR perceived inequities in dealing with sexist and culturally imperialist undertones in two movies which have nothing to do with and are not really comparable to Sex & The City, that makes her review sexist and demeaning.

You are wrong on several levels. First off, you either assume that the author is silently approving of Indiana Jones and Transformers because she hasn't brought them up or you assume that because the entire industry hasn't lived up to your standards, this author is playing into it.

Second, SATC doesn't compare to Indiana Jones or Transformers. If you want to compare it, use 'Entourage', which is a rip-off of SATC aimed at men. The ideas of blatant materialism, unchecked hedonism, and which roles men & women should be playing are the exact same. Both shows suck equally because of that, not because some sexist hack thinks that women can't think for themselves, but because it's insulting to characterize either gender as these vapid toys.

You easily find things about which to get offended and then call them sexist or demeaning when they disagree. It's May and I'd be willing to be that you've called a dozen people Nazis by this time of year, simply because they disagree with you.

All I can say is that I hope all the poon you're getting for pretending to be offended for women is worth your nutsack.
43
"Posted by Fozziebare13"

You're not a feminist, you're an Uncle-Tom sexist. Let's see if I can summarize your thoughts here:

You think that, because the author didn't take it upon herself to correct YOUR perceived inequities in dealing with sexist and culturally imperialist undertones in two movies which have nothing to do with and are not really comparable to Sex & The City, that makes her review sexist and demeaning.

You are wrong on several levels. First off, you either assume that the author is silently approving of Indiana Jones and Transformers because she hasn't brought them up or you assume that because the entire industry hasn't lived up to your standards, this author is playing into it.

Second, SATC doesn't compare to Indiana Jones or Transformers. If you want to compare it, use 'Entourage', which is a rip-off of SATC aimed at men. The ideas of blatant materialism, unchecked hedonism, and which roles men & women should be playing are the exact same. Both shows suck equally because of that, not because some sexist hack thinks that women can't think for themselves, but because it's insulting to characterize either gender as these vapid toys.

You easily find things about which to get offended and then call them sexist or demeaning when they disagree. It's May and I'd be willing to be that you've called a dozen people Nazis by this time of year, simply because they disagree with you.

All I can say is that I hope all the poon you're getting for pretending to be offended for women is worth your nutsack.
44
Awesome review. Absolutely Flawless.
45
wow this was fantastic
46
You had me at "not being an entitled cunt like it's my job." Loooove.
47
Wow. Do you have the other half of this amulet?

Here is the Sex and the City review I wrote about a year ago(complete with typos...sorry).
I was prepping to go this weekend and see this one as well- but who can follow you!?

http://jmelstuff.blogspot.com/2009/04/fa…
48
At the risk of being stoned at the altar of feminism - I don't agree. Mind, I don't agree with every conclusion arrived at by these four women, and I certainly don't have the kind of money they have. However, I enjoy the occasional foray into and celebration of my girlie side, for want of a better word, my, "femininity." I've actually found watching the, (highly-privileged, yes, to the point of being cartoonish,) struggles of these women, empowering. Trying to figure out what we want, how to have it, what compromise means, who we are - all of those things are real. Judging the characters solely by milieu, is unrealistic and unfair. BTW: Many women in the middle east who are required to be covered, do actually play fashionista beneath the veil. Like it, don't like, whatever - rendering it utterly invalid because you don't like it, is circumscribing any woman's choice. You do your thing, I'll do mine. Fair enough? I just happen to want a Cosmopolitan once in a while, as I soldier on through a world that judges me quite enough, thank you.
49
I ADORE YOU, LINDY WEST.
50
This was awesome.
51
"Your watch will tell you that a shade less than two and a half hours have elapsed, but you may be shocked at just how much older you feel when the whole thing is over." -- New York Times review.

"It is 146 minutes long, which means that I entered the theater in the bloom of youth and emerged with a family of field mice living in my long, white mustache." -- Lindy's review.

Congratulations, Lindy. In a sentence-to-sentence contest you have out-written the NYTimes.
52
the stranger! loves to hate, everything. its so easy to hate! good job!!! seattle is funny!! LOL ROFL TCBY!
53
Wait: the plot of the movie REALLY IS that Carrie et al travel to the middle east and free all the oppressed Muslim women?

SERIOUSLY?

They don't hate us for our freedoms, people. They hate us for this.
54
Lindy West is the greatest film reviewer of all time.
55
Actually, (rich) women in Abu Dhabi *do* wear designer clothes underneath their traditional dress. That's probably the most realistic part of the movie.
56
As someone from the Middle East, I just want to say that the depiction of Muslim woman wearing expensive clothing and make-up underneath the veils is in fact not erroneous and offensive, but actually completely accurate. Sure, it isn't every woman, but it is certainly a large part of the population.

Shallow people are in every country and in every religion.
57
One question: What has 'the City' to do with it?
58
One question: What has 'the City' to do with it?
59
Let me add my voice to the chorus. Long Live Lindy!
60
Isn't Nixon currently mowing down on Andrea Dworkin? I know she's dead! Her fossilized baby-cave can't be too much different from Samantha's fly trap. It's cold, it's grey, and it's the only cunt you get to pound till the end of time.
61
Fantastic!

I've read it at least 3 times, and will probably read it several more tonight.

Who else but Lindy creates gems like "emaciated goblin shoulders"?
62
I am glad that this (terrible-sounding) movie was made so that this review could be written.
63
Lindy, you rule. Thank you. That is all.
64
And now I officially cannot see this movie. Clearly the burqa is soooo oppressive and we are so forward thinking by not wearing one even though (here I speak to the movie) 99% of the women wear it by choice. And it's connected to religion not cultural oppression. This may not always be the case, but damn it SATC2 for relying on old stereotypes to sell a movie to completely ignorant audiences. And yes, that was a long ass sentence.
65
You forgot the part where Samantha contracts HIV...
66
Goblin shoulders. LOL.
67
64, just because something is connected to religion doesn't mean it's not oppressive. And honestly, a religion that dictates that women should be completely covered in public (even if it's "by choice") sounds pretty sexist to me. (If a similar standard of dress were set for men, that would be a different story.)

But I'm not defending the film at all. Reading about the plot here makes it sound even worse than it looked on the previews, especially the part about convincing the women to remove their burkas....like the only thing they needed to convince them to abandon their way of life was a group of rich, slutty American tourists! Wow! Barf.
68
We should form a new republic with this review as our Constitution.
69
the best read i've had in months. thank you!
70
This is the single best movie review I have ever read. I enjoyed watching the show (hated all the characters, but for some reason liked the show), but the first movie was awful, and this one sounds like it's trying to scrape THROUGH the bottom and out the other side--maybe using Carrie's goblin shoulders as a shovel?

I would quote a line, but as someone else said, there are just too damned many good ones.
71
This is the single best movie review I have ever read. I enjoyed watching the show (hated all the characters, but for some reason liked the show), but the first movie was awful, and this one sounds like it's trying to scrape THROUGH the bottom and out the other side--maybe using Carrie's goblin shoulders as a shovel?

I would quote a line, but as someone else said, there are just too damned many good ones.
72
A wonderful piece. The sad truth, alas, is that a highly significant number of women in Abu Dhabi (and most of the other Emirates) *do* clad themselves in designer labels and wear their burqa on top. Although they also would never be seen walking the streets - they have a car and driver. And male family escort, of course.
73
I'll join thoser who say this is the best review ever. I usually don't like the genre -- tend to make up my own mind about movies, usually in an independent, I-disagree-with-all-the-pundits way -- but you've really nailed it here. Thanks, thanks, and thanks again for this wonderful text!
74
Absofuckinglutely hilarious!!!!
75
Priceless..one tobe treasured for a long, long time!
76
Actually, friend of mine trains doctors in Dubai and long since confirmed that under the burkas, wealthy women do indeed wear the same old clothing as western women. The burqua is merely an optical illusion designed to make themselves and their menfolk believe they are somehow different.
77
Yams?
78
Ahhh! That's better. This review was like bursting for a pee on the train, realising that it's not going to make the station, then letting it all go with joyous abandon and watching people's faces.
79
Bloody brilliant review! Thanks for the laughter.
80
Yams?
81
I have no idea who you are Lindy, but I love you, deeply and completely. Never seen SATC in any guise, and now I never will. xx
82
The government scientist Dr. Yamuka has proved a woman's brain is the size of a squirrels brain.

Just like being unable to read maps, this is why women who masturbate go blindera, fastera than men.

It has yet to be determined if this is because of women doing far more masturbating than men being some 4 to 5 times as much or because of their anti-christian tendencies.
83
To be honest I find the Barbie dolls and gay men comment pretty gross and homophobic.

Don't forget Ladies, that this stuff is MADE FOR YOU and MILLIONS of your dumb bitch sisters the world over are gonna dress up 'all sex and the city' and LAP THIS SHIT UP. Deal with that.
84
Best. Review. Ever. You just made my millennium.

You've restored my faith in the power of cynicism.

Will you pretend-marry me?
85
Best. Review. Ever. You just made my millennium.

You've restored my faith in the power of cynicism.

Will you pretend-marry me?
86
OMG - I'm off to rub my girlie bits with a yam, hang on a minute I don't have a yam...... will a squash do?
87
Fabulous Darling! has me in stitches. Bit like Samantha's vagina :-)
88
I think I love you.
89
The tears. The tears are rolling down my face. On one side the tears cascade from laughter - you're an excellent writer, thanks for the laugh. The other side is because you actually sat through 146 minutes of such drivel... it makes me sad, thinking of an excellent writer suffering so much.
90
Lindy, you are without a doubt my favorite, and the most honest, movie reviewer! Keep up the good work.
91
Fantastic review, totally perfect. Except, dare Ii say, no self-respecting prostitute would behave the way SJP acts in SATC. I'd like to think, as one myself, that I'm too classy, polite, and upfront to engage in the emotional manipulation she does.
92
Yes! I'm hoping that Marcus Nispel does a follow-up film called The Sex in the City Chainsaw Massacre!
93
While you have a very vivid way with words and the movie does sound terrible for so many reasons, I fail to see how you're standing up against sexism by calling Samantha a prostitute because she's a woman who enjoys sex and by picking on Carrie's physical appearance. Oh, and by perpetuating gender stereotyping in your description (and dismission) of Cynthia Nixon's partner.

I'm sure it's all very culturally insensitive and handled badly, but suggesting that Samantha is wrong to rebel against sexism in the guise of traditional mores only helps that sexism to continue. And I've read memoirs by women in Muslim countries, which say that women do wear designer clothes under their more "modest" coverings. That's why designers make so much money in Saudi Arabia, Abu Dhabi and Dubai.

94
THANKYOU
THANKYOU
THANKYOU

What a brilliant review. - i can't remember ever reading anything that made me laugh so hard.

DEEP-FRIED GENIUS!!!!
95
This > All.
96
Linda, this is the first review I read from you as my friend sent it to me via email. But wow! Are you one angry person!! I know you can say this is sarcasm you have, but in all honesty it sounds like you're just angry... I haven't seen the movie... yet, but I actually enjoyed seeing the first film (not that I went crazy and had sleepless nights in anticipation of the film). If you want to see something that depicts real people, go watch a documentary. Big blockbuster films aren't meant to be real life... and so what if they toast to working- middle class women as if they are so poor that the characters of SAT2 wouldn't know how they will survive... I'm sure these are the people that go and watch these movies. Because we know that films like this aren't real. You don't expect to go watching a vampire film and then angrily criticizing that the Vampire bit his love in a church, one of the most sacred places. So... seriously? Is that the review you give to SAT2?
97
What brilliant article, you madam are a fekkin star! Why does Sarah Jessica Parker always remind me of drunk woman's cigarette burnt hair smell?
98
You have taken great pains on your back by viewing the film to create this masterful review, that much is obvious. I feel Society owes you and people like you, a debt of gratitude. If you were able to convince one person not to see this film, then you have truly done a great thing.
Bravo.
99
This review is witty and makes a few good points, but what's kinda obnoxious is all the reader comments competing to out-do each other with gushing, sycophantic praise of the reviewer herself. What's with the reader circle-jerk over what's essentially pretty standard Stranger fare, snarky sarcasm and all? I'm sure it's gratifying when your hatred of a pop-culture phenomenon like SATC is publicly validated by a "professional", but in fields like film, music, literature and art, when did the critics become the big heroes?
100
Lindy, this review is the first time I've ever heard of you, but I love you already. Words can't really do justice to the level of disdain I feel towards this franchise. By no means will I see this movie. I saw the last one. Sitting through 2.5 hours of that garbage, only to see that entire emotional redemption of the film came when the down-on-her-luck, rags-to-riches black girl finally got FUCKING PURSE was enough.