Meet the New Cinderella, Same as the Old Cinderella

How Disney Could Have Updated Its Most Boring Princess

Comments

1
I LOVE your simultaneously hilarious and incisive and righteously-pissed movie reviews. Keep 'em coming, please!
2
Preach it!
3
This is everything
4
"Cinderella, in the cellar,
Didn't have to much as far as I can tell.
Her godmother was two-thirds fairy.
Suddenly her life was a lot less scary,
But what if you haven't got a fairy to fix it?
Sometimes you have to make a little bit of mischief."

--"Naughty" from the musical Matilda by Tim Minchin

Tim sums it all up so nicely, doesn't he?
5
"Cinderella says, 'Fuck y'all, I'm not your servant.' Flips over a table. Electric guitar plays. Fairy godmother shows up and says: 'Finally. That's the way a woman does it.' She turns one of the mice into the Predator, who inflicts gruesome punishment on all who have wronged Cinderella. They destroy the patriarchal kingdom in an epic battle. Cinderella turns the house into an anarchist feminist commune."

So, woman who has never created anything refuses to do work, throws temper tantrum,demands to be treated like princess. Someone else (the Predator-male?) fights her battles for her. They destroy the army, police force, and judiciary that have protected them all their lives. Their feminist commune lasts one week, just long enough for the neighboring kingdom to notice that they do not have an army, police force, or judiciary. Or wait, is the Predator still around to protect them? Either way, cool story bro.
6
Yes. Hell, yes.
7
Cinder "Left Eye" Ella.
8
Yeah, 'cause we want fairy tale movies that a gazillions LITTLE KIDS will go see to GLORIFY VIOLENCE so they can all grow up and blow up their schools when they get bullied, amirite?
9
These wanna-be-hipsters reviews are THE SUCK. God I miss Paul!
10
Well said! I am devastated that there's no talking mice. What the hell.
11
After Drew fucking Barrymore and anne Hathaway have done better feminist Ellas, each with funky stepsisters, and Angelica Huston as the bitchy stepmother, Disney reverts to the paper doll cinder and prince?

Have they learned nothing from Frozen?
12
Princess Aurora from Sleeping Beauty is much more boring.
13
"Then there is no pleasing you."

-Johann van der Smut
14
Totally agree with @1, couldn't have said it better. You are the best.
17
They should have thunk outside the box. The should have cast her as a transvestite with a crack addiction. That would appeal to many in the Emerald City.
18
Honestly, who the hell do you think you are? You clearly saw a different film than the rest of the world because the message was in fact "have courage and be kind" which they only said about 50 times during the film... Not sure where you were during that. Also, Cinderella is not a doormat. She is someone who is driven by pure goodness. If you want to watch some dumb bitch flip tables and cry and scream at people who've mistreated her then go watch fucking Jersey Shore. Saying "I forgive you" is ten-million times more powerful than throwing a fit. This adaptation made a simple animated film about a simple girl who gets what she wants just because she's pretty into a movie that preaches kindness and compassion. I'm shocked that anyone could be so blind to that.
19
Lazy, sophomoric, weak, uninspired, childish, insipid, piss poor and highly annoying style of writing you have Ijeoma. Worse yet, The Stranger has stooped to publish it.
20
@18, Thank you! Now I actually want to see it.
22
@18 this should be the article.
Strength is more than just physical, and a feminist can be Ella or Drew Barrymore's Cinderella.
@11 Sounds like your not really a feminist

This was a great adaption, not every girl is an warrior some are emotional and have strong hearts. There is noting wrong with that. Feminism is about choices, and not forcing. It's about equality.