I mean, I've read Diet for a Small Planet. I've read The Jungle. I've heard that Fast Food Nation guy on NPR. (I also constantly have to listen to the editor of this paper freak out about mad cow disease. He's convinced that every medium-rare burger has the potential to start us foaming at the mouth and oozing from the brain.) I've watched PETA videos. I'm aware that my selfish, excessive, short-rib-braising, loin-roasting, chicken-frying lifestyle has its ecological/health/ ethical/environmental ramifications.
Yes, livestock production wreaks havoc on Mother Earth; yes, scary hormones and antibiotics are injected into farm animals (not to mention the diseased-livestock problem, or the whole scary bacteria issue--E. coli, salmonella, listeria, et al.), a frightening commentary on what our government allows. And yes--there is the matter of cruelty: America's brutal, gory slaughterhouses are not exactly humane, compassionate trips to the Big Farm in the Sky.
What I'm saying is that despite my true, deep love of meat, I get it. I really do. I understand why one would feel enough conviction and morality and responsibility to stop eating meat. So I decided to give it a shot: I would stop eating meat for as long as I could. I would be more health-conscious, and explore the foreign world of Gardenburgers. Shit, I might even eat a salad.
I lasted two days before falling off the chuck wagon.
BUT! In my defense! I did great for those two days, until the Library Bistro's (formerly the Painted Table) chef Matt Costello spoke the most beautiful words in the English language: "Min, don't you want a meat snack?" But I punished myself by starting over, and resolutely extending my meat-free status. And as I write this, I AM STILL A VEGETARIAN.
Now I eat "mock chicken" at Ballet (914 E Pike, 328-7983), a Vietnamese diner on the Hill that offers delicious, satiating vegetarian pho (with vegan broth and tofu) and inexpensive meat-free stir-fries like the curry "mock chicken" that actually taste pretty good, thanks to flavorful seitan. Seitan is cooked gluten (a type of protein) extracted from wheat flour, then simmered in soy sauce with other savory seasonings; it's pleasantly salty but more clean-tasting than meat, with a tight, chewy texture.
The Elysian (1221 E Pike, 860-1920) has mock meats in the form of tasty Field Roast sandwiches with different sauces. Field Roast is vegan "meat" made with wheat protein flour, grains, vegetables, and legumes, which results in a cold-cut-like appearance and texture, tasting slightly meaty but alarmingly dry. An impressive selection of veggie sandwiches is also offered at Capitol Hill Cafe (216 Broadway Ave E, 860-6858), where the #28--two cheeses grilled between thick slices of buttered bread, with lots of ripe avocado for an extra buck--rescues me from the siren songs of Kentucky Fried Chicken. And vegan favorite Globe Cafe's (1531 14th Ave, 324-8815) signature mushroom gravy provides a soothing midday salve for those who ache for, but cannot experience, the magic of meat stock and pan drippings.
Dinners have been more difficult. One cannot survive solely on pasta and four-cheese pizza, but--and here's the real question for would-be vegetarians--how else does one get FULL? Without meat, I've been hungry more often, in a vague, nagging way. Eating only vegetables feels incomplete and anticlimactic, no matter how much starch and how many carbs I consume to compensate (goodbye, Favorite Jeans). I've been cooking at home, trying to understand Boca Burgers, or vegetarian "sausage" from Morningstar Farms; I'm told Wow It's Not Chicken! is pretty good, and at this point I'm willing to try anything that will provide the chewy, fleshy succulence that real meat provides. I want to feel grease on my lips, I want to taste animal fat. Is there a vegetarian equivalent? How am I supposed to survive the rest of the week?
