What do you love more, tending bar or being accused of sexual assault?

Bartender. Just to be clear, I am not the 25-year-old Ryan Thompson from Puyallup recently charged with having Ecstasy-drenched sex with a 13-year-old girl. But he is one of my best friends; we share everything. (I'm kidding.)

What makes you a worthy candidate for tending bar?

I have seven sisters and two brothers, so I was raised in a crowd. I love meeting and chatting with new people. And Flowers is a pretty mature bar; everyone is on their best behavior here. You don't see a lot of people losing control of their emotional livers.

What is an emotional liver?

My ex-girlfriend told me that it was your liver, not your heart, that controls emotion. When you drink too much, you flood your liver with alcohol and it becomes uninhibited and those emotions are unleashed. It's true. I Googled "liver" + "controls emotion" once.

What does your liver love?

When I get drunk, I get emotional and love everything. But in general, it's avocados, prawns, tomatoes, and mayo.

What does your liver hate with the fire of a thousand suns?

Squash. And nuts. And men who sully my good name by allegedly having sex with teenage girls.

Interview by Cienna Madrid