Weekend brunch at Monsoon is great. They've got fancied-up French toast, the best pho in the city (oxtail broth, with Wagyu eye of round and braised brisket in it; yes, it costs $10, but it is so good), and excellent dim sum. They used to have $4 glasses of rose at brunch too; Monsoon, please bring that back.

Secret: Some of Monsoon's excellent dim sum is made at the excellent Jade Garden in the I.D., so if you don't mind waiting quite a while and eating in a more cafeteria-type setting, you can go have it there and it's cheaper. Jade Garden is also quite a bit louder than Monsoon—unless there's a certain baby at Monsoon, in which case, Monsoon is the loudest place you've ever been.

We'll call this baby Hawkchild. Hawkchild was there this past Sunday, having brunch. Hawkchild was adorable, maybe eight months old, ready for the Gerber label. Hawkchild was silent, except for an intermittent, soul-piercing shriek. Have you ever heard a hawk scream, very high up in the sky? Like that, except you're trapped with the hawk in a container made of floor and glass and wall and ceiling, trying to eat your $10 bowl of pho.

How can a being that small produce a sound that loud? It is probably evolutionarily beneficial for the human vocal cords to develop early and strong. More importantly, what should a parent do in such a circumstance? My brunch companion wondered. I opined that the second time your offspring does something that other diners might find irritating, you are obligated to take it outside and not return until such irritation will no longer occur. (You are obligated to take it outside the first time, fast, if the irritant behavior is sustained, or never, if you are at Chuck E. Cheese or Vios.) I also opined that a pacifier might be just the ticket, although pacifiers have probably been found to cause irreparable dental and/or mental damage.

The parent in question chose to smile fixedly and stare into the middle distance whenever Hawkchild made a hawkshriek, fooling exactly no one.

The parent in question had probably not read this article.

How about a poll?