Food & Drink Aug 30, 2011 at 12:01 pm


Jeez, Dan, just go get a job as a Youth Pastor, already.
You really need to post pics, Dan, when you're describing hot guys. Just sayin'.
I'm not going to be impressed until lip plates and neck-stretching rings make it into the barista demographic.
I went through adolescence and early adulthood in the 70's, and some of the fashions were pretty awful. The best thing to be said for them is that when the 70's were over and styles changed, the clothes went to Goodwill, there weren't any reminders except for some yearbook photos.

I fear the same can't be said for tatooed sleeves and ear labia.
@4, I'm holding out for self amputation to make it to the forefront of being cool on Cap Hill. And I give that another 3 years.
Walking around Brooklyn, I often think 'Note to self: Research least painful laser tattoo removal machine. Invest heavily. Profit when these trendy tattoo jaggoffs need to look presentable to get their offspring into good schools.' (Also, and unrelated, "ALL of these men need to shave the ugly fucking mustaches off.")
dan savage walking around your hill judging you based on your appearance what a great guy
rest assured, if he takes the plugs out, there is a relatively cheap plastic surgery procedure that you can have done to "fix" them.

im of the mind that people can do whatever they want to their bodies, and thats the end of it. the end.

a girl who had 1"+ plugs in her ears for YEARS and now just has some teeny tiny cat butt lobes that nobody notices.
I'm with you, Dan.

I'm of roughly similar age. I look at these cute young guys sometimes with their crazy tattoos and massive piercings, and I just sigh sadly, certain that 10 or 20 years from now they'll deeply regret that tattoo/piercing/lung cancer. Ear labia are a particularly egregious example.

Like you, I know it's their choice and all, and I know it isn't any of my business and I can't and shouldn't do anything about it. It just makes me... sad. *sigh*
I have never liked the look of stretched ears, but to each their own.
One thing I learned while visiting piercing communities online is that many people have significant trouble with yeast infections in their stretched lobes.
Being the owner of womanly bits, I know yeast infections do happen, but I can't even imagine dealing with that in your earlobes.
@8 Grow up.
Oops, supposed to be @7
@11= ewwwww! I did not know that. And despite the fact of there being a "relatively inexpensive surgery" to repair the holes, you do know that ears and noses are the only body parts that continue to grow as you age, right? Imagine all the old people we have to look forward to in our old age, with earlobes down to their shoulders and saggy sleaves. Not a pretty thought.
When you get to my age the earlabia get overgrown with clumps of wild hairs that grow out of control. Along with the clumps of nose hair. And eyebrows. It's hopeless. And that's the least unattractive thing about getting old.
There's a dude at the gym on Capitol Hill I see walking around with the ear labia. A lot of the time he covers them with a hoodie because he must be rather embarrassed. I kind of feel sorry for him, but we all have to live with our choices, don't we?
I'm even older than Dan. You can only imagine what I think.
That's not music, it's noise.
What the hell are you wearing?
Get off my damn lawn.

Etc, etc, blah blah blah.
Body modification these days amuse me. I've got a bunch of ink, all of which I waited until my late 20s to get - and boy am I glad I did, or I might have ended up with some stupid shit. rocks for some of the grand mistakes people make. And I know it's just my opinion, but those giant earplugs look frigging retarded. And scarification? Even more retarded. Signs you're trying too hard to be trendy/outlandish, I think. But it's your body. Do what you want with it. I could use a good laugh.
Old hetero edition of this post: What about those gals who get stupid text tattooed across their chests? When they're as old as I am are they going to look with the same high regard on their decision to get some cartoonist with an electric needle pen to etch the words "Baby Bitch" across their collarbones in Olde Englishe script?
Just pay attention to those long haired lanky shirtless runners that smirk at you on 15th ;)
I'm loving them, @22.
Actually, OuterCow, your reply to @8 was perfect.
I don't like that tattoos are being equated with smoking here.
@13, I thought thinking about investing/financial security/retirement money was being a grownup.

There is NO WAY you can think that a lot of the tattoos out there won't be lasered off eventually if money and pain were no object. Why can't I profit when it happens?
@25, Why? They're both pretty pointless hobbies.
Has Andy Rooney retired yet? I think Dan should fill his spot.
I'd take that gig.
Oh, old people!
What @1 said.
I got lots of tattoos in my early 20's.

I wouldn't get all of them again, but I like most of them, and mostly forget I have them until someone compliments me on them.

I got a lot of tattoos and one piercing.

Know what most of my high school classmates got?

Children and Time-ravaged.

I win.
34 is old?
@26 cause it's a bad investment. Since a shitload of young people with tattoos are one day going to be a shitload of old people with tattoos, the current level of stigma still attached to tattooing will be in the past. When your admissions officer, loan councilor, and CEO all have one or two pieces of ink, and when every grandma on your block has a tramp stamp slowly sliding down her back, what's the point of getting it lasered off?
@27 So's posting on Slog, but that didn't stop you, did it?
Dan, darling, a quick word:

You could not be more white bread boring. Did you really hijack the Stranger's blog-- keep in mind, the premier alt weekly in the PNW-- to bitch about a trend young people are following? A trend that many people like? You can be old and gay without becoming irrelevant and tiresome.

Here's this: why don't you stop bitching about what them goldurn young'uns are doing, stop bashing young trans people who don't like your work, and go back to telling straight people how to have butt sex. It's really what you're best at.
@23, to think i almost didn't take my full run. a nice moment for us both ;P until next time...
You know this is going to make your son want tattoos and piercings when he turns 18, right?
What @ 36 said. and to add a postscript to that, Dan you sound like my father, and I'm 60 years old.
@36 hollerrrrgettttittttgrrrrlllllll.
I have always thought that the cigarette warnings were going after the wrong message. Young people have no to conceptualize getting older and sick. Those messages don't really impact them.

What they need to know is that cigarettes make you look both old and ugly. This has the advantage of both being true and something that happens fast enough that they might pay attention to it. It also concerns something they are more likely to care about that getting sick when they are old.
I bet all these people walk around all day thinking, "I hope my appearance meets the approval of internet zilches Normal Adjacent and Reverse Polarity."
Yeah, when I visited Seattle last month I definitely marveled at how every single waiter, bartender, chef, and Pike Place market worker I came in contact with had heavy tattoos, gages, bull rings, etc! I thought it was cool and fascinating how local the trend seems to be for restaurant workers. I never really thought I would stand out for NOT being tattooed.
They can do as they like as long as they stay off my lawn.
@34 & 42, I think that well-drawn tattoos that mean something to the person are great. I also think that impulsive, soon to be dated, trendmonkey, badly drawn tattoos are the equivalent to reading a book because oprah told you to. Frankly, not thinking hard before you have something bore into your flesh shows a lack of personal respect.

'Still tattooed,' I hope you love your tattoos for the rest of your life, but there is no way the vanity and fear of aging that hits all Americans isn't going to included tattoo removal when face lifts, hair plugs and every other 'remove the signs of your years' treatments hit our generation. I'll leave your financial advice be.
Dan, I have one word for you and that giant hole in that guy's ear. Padlock. Think about it.
@46: Hm......................
@36: Not all the young'uns are doing it. I agree with Dan about ear labia looking totally gross, and I'm 20.
People can do what they like with their bodies, but everyone should be aware that tattoos and piercings are not aesthetically pleasing to most people. Your odds of getting a good job and/or getting a good catch decline a lot when you make yourself look less human.
Shoot! I'm unattractive. Now you tell me. :-)
So, calling someone a pussy is wrong, but suggesting that something admittedly unattractive to most people (stretched out ear lobes) resembles a part of the female anatomy is totally kosher? Fuck yourself, Dan. Stop hating vaginas, goddamn. They look more like nasty saggy balls, anyhow.
@49 I agree with you completely. When I got my ears pierced a second time while I was in college, I wondered what prospective employers would think.
Please stop ruining your bodies with ink and metal
As I've said before, the main difference between people with body mods and people without is that the people with body mods aren't bothered by you not having any.

Also: Why the fuck is no one complaining about you calling female anatomy disgusting? Fuck, you Dan. You might be old and gay, but you should also add misogynist to that disclaimer.
a dickear would be gross too you ponce
@53: Eh, when I was in college everyone told me I'd have to cut my long hair to get a decent job, but it wasn't true.

Ideas of what's acceptable shift. I'm okay with that.
Whenever I see a white guy with bad Chinese characters inked on him I ask why in the world he's advertising beef with broccoli. Sometimes they'll try to explain that it's "spirit" or "chi" or some such bullshit, and then I just laugh and say "sure, whatever you think it is."
i generally like tattoos and piercings and whatnot, but those rings are just nauseating to look at, and it's even worse when they come out. ugh. and no, it's not a reflection of my age - there was never a time i felt otherwise about them. but to each his/her own, as they say. (and i am relieved to know that it's a relatively simple fix when the time comes).
@59 - I have a PhD in Japanese and a masters in Japanese literature. I have a very beautiful poem tattooed on the inside of my right forearm. The kanji was designed for me by a very dear artist friend who unfortunately passed away a few years ago. I look at my tattoo and I think of the first time I read the poem, written hundreds of years ago, on a piece of parchment so fragile it has to be kept in climate/humidity controlled room at all times. It reminds me of the life I've lived, the people I've loved and lost, and the future that awaits me.

But yeah. Your 'beef and broccoli' line is pretty good, too.

PS: I have no idea what you think a 'Chinese character' is, but I'd be very surprised if you knew a 'bad' one when you saw it.

I went out to dinner at a new place with my family last week, and had my first experience with that. I still don't know if it was a joke/real: The bartender was a youngish Asian woman, wearing a nicely revealing black dress, who came to our table with our drinks. I kind of go out of my way to not look at women's chests while with my family, but then I spied lettering across her entire upper chest. She had "Riesling" written in OE style script! Riesling happened to be the weekly special, so I still don't know if the text was a proper tattoo or not. (And since the food sucked at that price level, I'll likely never know)

The upside, I could (figuratively) point to her and say to my kids, "Don't do that".

The gauges result in an ugly disfigurement.

They seem to be an anti-aesthetic - intended to shock with the repulsiveness of their effect rather attract positive attention.
I have one tattoo, and a navel piercing. The tattoo is discrete enough that you and I would need to be very closely acquainted for you to ever see it. I had both done in my early 30s. I wear navel rings occasionally, and forget that the tattoo is even there unless I catch a glimpse in the mirror. But I don't regret either.

My sister in law had a cartouche of her husband's name tattooed on her breastbone. When it was done, it was about an inch wide, 2 kids later it's more of a trapezoid. It looks awful, but it's still meaningfull to her, and she doesn't regret it.

The ear plugs are (like the lip plate, and thank you Jebus that hasn't caught on) are a cultural thing. In the late 80s I worked with a woman from India; she was offended by the rising popularity of nose piercing, saying that it had meaning to her culture that these young girls did not honor (she told me that the piercing was done when a girl was engaged to be married, ad she was given a diamond as part of her dowry. Traditionally the piercing would not be removed as long as her husband was living). So I wonder what those who are of the cultures to which this holds meaning think when they see these people with the stretched out earlobes.

And earlabia is brilliant. As soon as I read that, I pictured the stretched out ear hole sans plug, and flashed on Borat's "vagine hang like sleeve of wizard". It's so perfectly accurate. So 52/56, is it OK for you to use pussy in your screen name because you have one, but not OK for Dan to make an obvious comparison because he doesn't, and isn't overly fond of them?
@49 your odds of getting a good catch don't decline significantly. I wouldn't call someone bothered by my piercings a "good catch" just like you wouldn't call a good catch someone who disliked your particular hair color so much they insisted it was not "aesthetically pleasing". Get what I'm saying?
@52, 56 Yes, because Dan would totally prefer ears shaped like penises.
Ugghhh I'm 21 and stretched ears totally gross me out. I go to an art school so like 1/4 of my classmates have them, and I have to try really hard not to look at them because my mind immediately pictures the stretched earlobes rupturing and blood and pus pouring out everywhere and ewwww vomit.

No idea where that mental image comes from (possibly from getting my earrings almost ripped out by a bully in elementary school) but oh, how it haunts me.
Tisk Tisk Dan,
Tattoos and piercings should not be equated with smoking and drugs. Smoking and drugs do real harm to your body and will actually ruin it. Whereas tattoos/piercings won't, and even if you don't find them sexual attractive, many do (Seattle has some of its best art work displayed on the people walking around the city).

And to all the people ranting about how tattoos will ruin your chances for job/etc, go fuck yourself. Any job worth having won't really care, (and the shitty ones that do usually will require a uniform that will cover it up anyways).

And remember, there are people out there who think openly gay people should have jobs, but we recognize those people has bigots.
I can vouch for @68. I know him quite well; he's tattooed and has a better, higher-paying job than most people posting here, including myself.
Oh man, bad typo, i mean't:

"And remember, there are people out there who think openly gay people shouldn't have jobs, but we recognize those people has bigots."
"as bigots"

Ok I quit, go back to your tattoo bashing.
Queue the "learn how to spell/use grammar" comments :P
@50 Also, apparently, you look less human.
dan has awful style (for a gay man especially), so it doesn't really matter what he thinks anyway.
Catballou (@64), who wrote: " So 52/56, is it OK for you to use pussy in your screen name because you have one, but not OK for Dan to make an obvious comparison because he doesn't, and isn't overly fond of them?"

Quite so, catballou. I agree entirely. Some people should stop seeing misogyny everewhere; often enough it's in the eye of the beholder. (I note 52/56 preferred to compare stretched earlobes to saggy balls -- obvious misandry, right? Clear evidence that 52/56 is sexist, riiight?... :-)
OK, here are a couple of thoughts.

1. Have as many tattoos, scars, brandings, whatever type of implants (what Dan, don't you run with a hip enough crowd to see those around?) float your boat, piercings, insertions and what-have-yous as you want but please, please, please do not tell me what they mean to you as a conversation starter. In recompense, I will not tell you about mine and we will be at a far lower risk of boring each other to death.

2. As a good friend at Copenhagen Body Extremes printed on T-shirts, "Yes it hurts. Yes my mother still loves me. Yes I will like it when I am 65, so fuck off!"

3. It takes a pretty self-centered douchebag to walk around thinking that mod-ed people give two yanks on a dead dog's dick what you think of our choices (see pt.2, above).

4. Diversity may appear actually look, er, different. Get over the fact that the hot boy or girl serving your coffee (or testing your software for that matter) will likely never fuck you...not because you do not have piercings and tattoos, but because you are old and judgemental. The same reason that you used to think that suposedly adult, opinionated blowhards were assholes.

Would have posted this with my existing acct but the password reset service is slooooooow..
How is it bigoted to find something unattractive? We all have our turn-offs.

I'm with you, Dan.

cool. (just what kind of high paying jobs do illiterate people get?)
@77 I'm not saying that finding tattoos unattractive is bigoted (i.e. i'm not saying dan is, he isn't, although he is a douch in this case for equating drugs/smoking with tattoos/peircings. Still love you though dan!). I was refering to the other commenters who where rant about "ppl with tattoos won't get jobs, etc etc etc". To not give someone a job just because they have a tattoo is bigotted.
Clearly, you have no idea what the word "bigotted" means, @69. Perhaps you should consult a dictionary.
Make that @79. Hit the wrong key on the BlackBerry. You know, those phones that business people use. The guys without the tattoos.
@81 Stop jerking off to being a "business" person. Not everyone finds obnoxious people in suits attractive.
Maybe not. If you want a job, on the other hand, you had better start finding it attractive.
Geeze louise folks. How is 'pussymonster' comparing pussy's to something bad or unattractive or smelly or disgusting? It doesn't.

AND, you're right, I do hate men, but I also don't have a blog, a radio podcast, or uh, you know a huge fan base to talk shit about balls and penises to.

However, I was wrong to say that saggy ear lobes look like saggy balls. They don't--I meant to suggest that they look more like saggy old unisex assholes.

Still--how is it okay to compare something Dan is saying is DISGUSTING, UNATTRACTIVE, AND BAD, to a vagina? Please, justify. How is that NOT misogyny.

"God, those saggy, loose, holes are just like female genitalia. Gross, right?" lol
It's been noted above, but-- you think something's ugly and stupid-looking, so you say it looks like female genitalia? Not cool.

I do, however, agree that the stretched earlobes are ugly and stupid-looking, and that's because I'm old.
@83 I do have a "job" incidentally. And unless I plan on tattooing something across my forehead, I really don't see the problem here. You know, long sleeves, no cleavage and pants will always do the trick.
And I really don't see why I should find obnoxious people in suits attractive in order to get the "right" kind of job. What are you suggesting?

@84 anyone who simply hates a group of people based on their gender is not worth listening to in my book. And by the way, some people find the word pussy completely offensive. You should change your name to something more PC.
@81 - I have tattoos, own my own business, do very well, and wear shorts to work. Your idea of a "business" person is pretty shallow. Not everybody wants to be a part of corporate America.
@81: Um, hello:…

And here you go:…

I wonder if they use their blackberries when they're getting inked? I bet they do.
I'm older than most of y'all here (51), and I have 8 piercings and 6 tattoos. Chances are, the vast majority of people do not and will not ever know about the tattoos (most of the pierces are in my ears), as most are on my back. I do have a visible band on my wrist. It's never been an issue, and I work in a conservative office environment. If I feel I'm going to be around weird fucking people who make character judgements based on body mods, I wear a wristwatch and leave out all but one pair of earrings. Around actual friends, I wear my jewelry and let my body art show.

The ear plugs are just another style of body mod. If it's not to your taste, well, don't get it done and don't fuck anybody that has 'em. Otherwise, it is truly not anyone else's business and people who get all concern-troll about how it'll affect your future employment or look aesthetically displeasing as you age should MTOFB. (And they're wrong about both in most cases anyway.)

Y'all sound like my parents, and they're 82 and 90.
Yo DSav --

Last I checked, man, you're a sex columnist. With the economy going how it is, I'd like to think you'd welcome the introduction of another hole on the human body just for the job security. Ear-fucking has to extend your material at least 2 or 3 weeks.

Just sayin' man. When life hands you labia-resemblant lemons....
For the record: the boyfriend before Terry -- so long ago -- had a PA. So not anti-piercing. And I've dated guys with tattoos, and like 'em on some boys, not on others, just like lots of other things. (Some boys look good in leather, some look bad, etc.)

And, I'm sorry, dangly, lip-like, vertical... and a hole in the middle. That's labia-like to me. If they were stretching their earlobes out without holes, I would called 'em scrotes.
So, female vaginas are just holes? Disgusting, nasty, smelly, ugly holes. Cool, Dan, thanks for clearing that up.
You nailed it here:

"Hell, he may have put 'em in expressly to repel the attentions of dudes like me."

He is part of a particular subculture and is trying to attract others of that subculture. I knew Skin Bird girls that had that wierd shaved-head-with-fringe haircut and I knew guys who went crazy for it. They were actively trying to repel dudes in polos.
@93 Well, duh. Aren't most subcultures like that?
Look dan, the only way for you to solve this is to get "HUMP" tattooed on your forehead! :P
@94 Um yeah, that was my point.
Subculture kids disdain mainstream people (like Dan, lol) and do not make their fashion choices to attract them. Quite the opposite. They are trying to make themselves different, scary, and unattractive to people like like #83 who are hostile to anyone who's not an office drone. Others in their subculture find it attractive and that's all they care about.
I find all the comments about "just so you know you aren't going to be employable or attractive anymore" kinda hilarious.
Oh you mean I'm not going to be able to work in a cubicle farm and date someone dull and narrow-minded like you?? Say it ain't so!
@96 Yeah, sorry if I came off a little bitchy.
I do work in a cubicle farm and nothing annoys me more than people who pride themselves on being a part of it. I mean, yeah, that's awesome, spending all day in a heavily air-conditioned, printer-polluted space, drinking tons of bad coffee, wearing uncomfortable, constraining clothes and staying late because someone higher up the ladder wants something from you. And dear god, you don't really need a stretched earlobe to scare these people off. They abhor anything that deviates from the norm even slightly.
@puddles: Yeah, I'm pretty convinced that people like that just want you to be as miserable as they are. I used to work with this guy who was constantly bitching about his wife and ragging on her but he was also always asking me when I was going to get married and was shocked that I wasn't really interested. I'm like- what, cause you make it look so tempting?
j2patter - I suspect you're not actively building a career path within the business world- just try finding a CEO of a Fortune 500 company with a visible tattoo or facial piercing. Is it bigotry? These things mark you, literally, and people respond accordingly, consciously or unconsciously. Your commentary strikes me as a bit naive about this reality.
Lately, in THIS political climate, it feels like the conservative parts of the US are trying to pull us all back to some magical kingdom where, I don't know what is "supposed" to happen. While I personally can fit in that mold, and be happy with my life, it is precisely because others would be denied their version of happiness that I would hate it. I truly am baffled at how 50 years after the Hippie experiment, and 80 years after the New Deal, religious drones are trying to deny us the formula of our societal successes and return us to our failures. For that matter, why isn't marijuana a taxable commodity? Reefer Madness was born of Prohibition!

I want to leave my kids a society where they don't have to be looking over their shoulder to see if someone is going to damn them for not being afraid of the company they keep, if they are staying within the bounds of reasonable (legal) behavior. (OTOH, as a parent I want to save them from fad and foolishness.). I find it enraging that Jesus is being used as an oppressive figure, in the face of examples to otherwise (with the adulteress, I think maybe he wrote Solomon or Bathsheba in the dirt). I want to be able to celebrate our differences within the whole. That is what my parents left me, and I love that gift.

Woof, sorry for the diatribe. I'm feeling rather volatile today. (Male menopause?)

@chi_type: Well, didn't you get the memo, all adults are supposed to be miserable. If you aren't miserable, or are trying not to be, you're "naive" and should "grow up".

@99 I'm not sure what you mean by a visible tattoo. A standard business suit covers most of the skin, so most of the tattoos would be rendered invisible in any case except the ones on the face, neck or hands. That is unless I'm unaware of some Fortune 500 company that requires its employees to wear bathing suits to work. And I hope you do realize that these poor 500 CEOs are not the only successful people in the world AND that most of us here won't join their number, tattoos or not.
Plus their health is probably shot to shit anyways from all the stress.
@99 first of all how many ppl are going to be the CEO of a big company in their life time? Most ppl are lucky if they get a job they enjoy that pays well. It takes alot more then not having a tattoo to be a CEO.

Second @101 is right, I bet more CEOs have tattoos then you think (i.e. if they where in the arm forces there is a good chance they have one)
most of the tattoos in Seattle are visible because people want them to be visible.

Also being bigoted means you don't accept any values or beliefs other then your own. So yes not hiring someone for a job just because they have a tattoo, not because of how hard of a worker or how qualified they are is bigoted

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