Food & Drink Jan 8, 2014 at 1:49 pm

America's Fake Cheese Tanks Are Running Dangerously Low

Paul Constant
Back to article

Comments

1
it's fake. there is no shortage.

this is marketing and you just did their work for them for free.

fuck.

velveeta.
Max Solomon on January 8, 2014 at 2:02 PM Report this
2
I always take food advice from a guy with his mouth stuffed full of spring rolls.
Urgutha Forka on January 8, 2014 at 2:13 PM Report this
3
It seems like a stupid stunt, but it was on every morning show this morning. It would take colossally bad management to not have your preservative-laden product available at the time of maximum demand. It's obviously false, but idiot nation will talk about through to the Super Bowl. Ugh.
biffp on January 8, 2014 at 2:15 PM Report this
4
This is the very last opportunity to send me a dollar <insert PO box>
theophrastus on January 8, 2014 at 2:22 PM Report this
5
I can't believe people actually buy Velveeta.
fletc3her on January 8, 2014 at 2:22 PM Report this
6
You can always make your own Velveeta - you just need a bunch of old cheese, some paraffin wax, and some baby oil.
Pope Buck I on January 8, 2014 at 2:25 PM Report this
7
One package Velveeta, one can Ro-tel chopped chiles and tomatoes, nuke until warm and soft. Stir. Open bag of tortilla chips or, better, Fritos. Plonk down on the sofa and watch Rock Hudson movies until paradise occurs (usually about the time of the first pan across somebody's kitchen).
Fnarf on January 8, 2014 at 2:26 PM Report this
8
I buy Velvetta once a year, during the holiday season, to prepare this

http://www.charlesphoenix.com/2011/12/fr…

The holiday season is over until November. Thus, I do not care.
Catalina Vel-DuRay on January 8, 2014 at 2:30 PM Report this
9
This is like the Great Twinkie scare. Suddenly the market will be flooded with oozing fake cheeses again.
Pope Peabrain on January 8, 2014 at 2:30 PM Report this
10
I love cheese. Haven't eaten Velveeta in more than 40 years. And I'm not about to start now.
Fifty-Two-Eighty on January 8, 2014 at 2:37 PM Report this
11
Fake cheese like Daiya or cashew butter is wonderful and pretty healthy. Velveeta is real cheese & milk which is why it's so gross and unhealthy.
raku on January 8, 2014 at 2:49 PM Report this
12
How much did The Stranger make for taking part in this experiment in marketing?
Kinison on January 8, 2014 at 2:51 PM Report this
13
How can something made of discarded trimmings of every other cheese kraft makes be anything besides cheese?
drewm1980 on January 8, 2014 at 2:53 PM Report this
14
"Dip season"?? vomit!

Either it's fake marketing like y'all mention,
or it's one more creeping sign of the slow boil we frogs are encountering as we cook our Earth with hydrocarbons and overpopulation.

Either way: DOOOM!
treacle on January 8, 2014 at 3:01 PM Report this
15
As for canned soup sales plummeting, maybe that's why I found a bunch of Campbell's "gourmet" style in plastic pouches at the 99 cent store.

The tomato and smoked gouda, not bad, but the curry was better.
judybrowni on January 8, 2014 at 3:07 PM Report this
16
@ 7, as you know I'm already suspicious of your palate, but that confirms it.

Except for rum. I just got some Barbancourt 8 year reserve, and although it's got kind of a mustiness to it, it's pretty darn good.
Matt from Denver on January 8, 2014 at 3:10 PM Report this
17
@ 11, being vegan means going through a lot of mental gymnastics to persuade yourself that your fake replacements (soy or almond "milk," most tofu things that aren't tofurkey (I love tofurkey), cashew "cheese," etc) are even as good as meat and dairy, let alone "better."

I fully accept your lifestyle choice, and the foods you need to eat in order to get your complete proteins and B vitamins, but I draw the line at propaganda and lies about how that crap tastes.
Matt from Denver on January 8, 2014 at 3:15 PM Report this
18
@8 *trembling*
god cat. do people EAT that ? and when they don't, what do you do with it ?
reverend dr dj riz on January 8, 2014 at 3:32 PM Report this
19
@8 - That is revolting and when is your next party?
MacCrocodile on January 8, 2014 at 3:42 PM Report this
20
17- It's of course my opinion about taste (fact about health). You don't need to worry about "complete proteins" as a vegan, that's a relic of the 70's. But good vegan food is undeniably good. Vegan chefs won against all meaty chefs on food network shows recently - Cupcake Wars and Chopped (whatever that is).

I'll take good fake cheese against real Velveeta cheese any day, any purpose though.

Mac & Yease. http://www.veganricha.com/2013/09/spicy-…
Cashew cheese pizza. http://vedgedout.com/2013/03/11/individu…
Daiya cheesy nachos. http://www.xpsdelivers.com/blog/?p=2668
raku on January 8, 2014 at 4:10 PM Report this
21
@14: Frogs jump out when the water gets warm and don't get boiled. On the other hand, if you toss them in when it's already boiling, they die.
Hanoumatoi on January 8, 2014 at 4:11 PM Report this
22
@ 8, Charles Phoenix! A Denver cultural institution.
Matt from Denver on January 8, 2014 at 4:12 PM Report this
23
@ 20, propaganda about health. The FACT is that most American omnivores eat way too much meat and dairy. But in moderate amounts, and from ethical sources where the animals are allowed to eat what they would naturally (e.g., not corn), aren't drugged to the gills with antibiotics, and are given space to roam and be healthy, there are no greater chances at obesity, heart disease, or cancer for such omnivores than there are for vegans.

So.... moderation, and ethically sourced meat and dairy = healthy as you, if not healthier. Fact.

(Note: this assumes all other things, from family health history to alcohol and drug intake are equal. Alcoholic, chain smoking vegans aren't healthy people.)
Matt from Denver on January 8, 2014 at 4:22 PM Report this
24
First, the Colorado weed shops run out of product.

Now, Velveeta is on allocation.

What's next, Mountain Dew?
Karlheinz Arschbomber on January 8, 2014 at 4:42 PM Report this
25
I'm more worried about the Sriracha shortage.
ɥsɐןɯouǝʌ on January 8, 2014 at 4:47 PM Report this
26
Riz dear, I wouldn't touch it - even after a bottle of Chardonnay. But it's fun, isn't it?

And afterwards? Why, that's why we have yard waste bins..
Catalina Vel-DuRay on January 8, 2014 at 4:58 PM Report this
27
Velveeta in small amounts does make a nice emulsifier for a "traditional" cheese dip.

Besides, nothing wrong with the occasional wit Wiz from Calozzi's (Al's the best.)

@23: "where the animals are allowed to eat what they would naturally (e.g., not corn), aren't drugged to the gills with antibiotics, and are given space to roam and be healthy, there are no greater chances at obesity, heart disease, or cancer for such omnivores than there are for vegans."

Cancer, obesity, and heart disease might be stymied from moderation, but the quoted portion is just another form of propaganda.
undead ayn rand on January 8, 2014 at 5:38 PM Report this
29

“I can’t believe people actually buy Velveeta."

They’re called the “lower classes”. Normally sloggers adore them, it’s just there culture they hate.
on January 8, 2014 at 5:45 PM Report this
30
@ 27, pastured animals make for meat, milk and eggs with drastically reduced amounts of cholesterol, compared to the products if feedlot farming. That's a fact.
Matt from Denver on January 8, 2014 at 6:06 PM Report this
31
Velveeta - where the packaging says (or at least used to say) "processed cheese food".
Are they trying to convince the public that processed cheese is actually a food?
Gross!
StuckInUtah on January 8, 2014 at 7:29 PM Report this
32
I had no idea there was a "dip season." I thought the world enjoyed a variety of dips and spreads year-round.
madamecrow on January 8, 2014 at 8:38 PM Report this
33
CHEESE FIGHT
Machiavelli was framed on January 8, 2014 at 8:58 PM Report this
34
The Velveeta of my youth is not the Velveeta of today. It morphed into something horrible. Luckily along the way I discovered Pecorino, Vacheran, Mimolette, et al. Can't. Eat. Junk. Cheese.

All made of of delicious milk - with rennet.

(cashew cheese? Tasty on it's own, but *nothing* like the real thing)
sperifera on January 8, 2014 at 10:02 PM Report this
35
@31 You mean we are supposed to eat that stuff? I thought that the fact it was processed cheese food meant it was food for processed cheese.
Romial on January 11, 2014 at 1:19 PM Report this
36
@34: It's the same thing as ye olden Velveeta, for the most part.

I enjoy expensive cheese and junk cheese, just much less of the latter and less often. It's the mediocre stuff in between that's insulting and gross.
undead ayn rand on January 11, 2014 at 1:31 PM Report this

Please wait...

Comments are closed.

Commenting on this item is available only to members of the site. You can sign in here or create an account here.


Add a comment
Preview
Posted by (your name here)

By posting this comment, you are agreeing to our Terms of Use.

More In Food & Drink

Eat Your Heart Out 
Spirited Away
Don't Hang the Bartender
What to Eat and Drink in Seattle for the Super Bowl 2025
This Week in Seattle Food News
The Stranger’s Cookie Countdown: Day 31

Editors' Picks

Crystalized in Time
Joy Hollingsworth Tried to Stop New Apartment Construction on Madison in 2017
The 15 Best Restaurants in the Seattle Area 2023
Seattle Reboots Its Drug War with No Plan and No Money to Scale Up Diversion
The Rose Turns 40
Two Women Accuse XO Seattle Co-Founder Austin Bellamy Hicks of Sexual Assault in the 2010s
The Stranger
is a proud member of the network
Masthead Ad Info & Rates Jobs at The Stranger Contact Privacy Policy Terms of Use Takedown Policy Find The Stranger Near You Subscribe to The Stranger in Print
Support The Stranger
All contents © Noisy Creek, Inc.
800 Maynard Ave S, Suite 200, Seattle, WA 98134