2 Buck Chuck is infamously not bad, not infamously bad.

I agree; 2 Buck Chuck (which now costs 3 or 4 dollars) is surprisingly drinkable.

I'm not sure which sucks more - Two-Buck Chuck or Turkey. I'm a carnivore, but think turkey is the blandest fowl there is. I'll never understand the ridiculous lengths some people go to with brining, seasoning, basting and/or deep frying the damn things - only to still need gravy to make them half-edible.

DO NOT "clean" your turkey! You'll only contaminate your prep area with turkey juice. Instead, just make sure
1) the bird is fully defrosted in the refrigerator (on the lowest level – and well contained to prevent turkey liquid from cross-contaminating other items);
2) the giblets are removed;
3) and FULLY cook the bird in a preheated oven without stuffing (it's yet another contamination risk);
4) after removing the cooked bird from the oven, let it rest under a loose foil tent for 15-30 minutes, depending on the weight of the bird. If you skip this step, you'll likely lose much of the moisture and flavor of your turkey (whole chicken).