I'm tired of astrology.

I want something exciting. Something new.

I want ass-trology.

Will I wake up tomorrow to find my buttocks have at long last blossomed into something so massive it would drive Kim Kardashian into a jealous rage? Or have years of sitting on office chairs rendered by glutes as flat as roadkill? Only the stars can know!

Oh, ass-trologer, tell me what will become of my derrier today!