Don't eat those. I know they look a delicious golden brown, but you don't want to put one in your mouth. Those only taste good if you have never eaten a hamburger. I know they look like fish sticks, but they're not. They are made of soy. It said to brush them with oil and bake them. There is nothing about them that you would like. Their texture is bad; their taste is bad. I read an article about a certain punishment for penitentiary inmates who wouldn't follow the prison rules. It involved something called "The Loaf," which was all the nutrition you needed in a flavorless, beige, edible brick. These are just like that. Please don't. I want you to remain innocent of such things. I want you to think life is good. Told you so.

—Anonymous