To the beautiful Whole Foods checkout guy: I love you, my tall, handsome prince. Thank you for flirting with me yesterday. Someone as gorgeous and personable as you would never do that where I'm from (New York City). When you complimented my sushi-rrito and I offered to split it with you, you said no—but maybe you meant yes? I hope so. If you were mine, I would take such good care of you. As I was leaving, I made a joke about Rastafarianism. I'm sorry. That was dumb. I should have just asked you for your number. Would you have given it to me? Can someone as attractive as you not already have a boyfriend? I guess I'll never know.

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